Hope that will be needed in Minnesota, where Al Franken's bid to unseat a United States Senator who has never denied being a member of Al-Qaeda goes to an automatic recount. Unofficial election night results show Norm Coleman, who has never denied being a member of the organization that carried out the attacks of 9/11, even when directly asked by me, ahead by 477 votes out of over 2.8 million cast. Despite a state law that automatically triggers a recount in elections closer than 0.5%, and despite cases, like the 2004 Governor's race in Washington state, where election night results were indeed reversed after such recounts, Norm Coleman plastered the word "VICTORY" on his website, and told the press with a straight face that he would "step back" if he were in Franken's position. Proving that while his connection to Al-Qaeda may be unknown, there is no doubt Coleman is a world class douche bag.
I don't have to tell you that Norm Coleman never denying membership in Al-Qaeda, while technically true, is written with tongue firmly in cheek. In Florida though, there really was a lunatic running for Congress who thought that Al Jazeera might be trying to kidnap him by luring him to a fake television interview. Allen West thwarted that terrorist plot, but was unable to stop the vast conspiracy that delivered an electoral ass-kicking.
Back to Minnesota quickly, where Elwyn Tinklenberg came sooooooo close to winning that state's 6th District Congressional race, in the end though, he came up a little short, thereby depriving me of many, many jokes that would have involved the name "Congressman Elwyn Tinklenberg." Dammit.
Voters in Arizona, Florida, and California passed anti-gay marriage measures, ensuring a continuing healthy sex life for gays and lesbians in those states. Seriously gay people, be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it one day.
In Colorado, South Dakota, and California, draconian restrictions on a woman's right to an abortion went down to defeat. Again. Ensuring that the Christian lunatics will be back next election with something more obnoxious so they can waste all our time by making us kick their ass. Again.
In what I'm sure is a blow to my good friend, and by "good friend" I mean "person I've never met but who was like the 2nd human to ever read this blog," Romius T, South Carolina amended its state constitution to eliminate language that set the legal age of consent for unmarried women at 14 years old. The constitutional clause conflicted with South Carolina statutory law, which set the age of consent at a much more responsible..... 16.
By far my favorite nugget of the night though, comes from the state of Iowa, I'll let Time magazine set the stage:
Iowa Public Measure D, also known as "Idiot Amendment," will change the language of the constitution, which currently prohibits an individual from voting if he or she is deemed an "idiot or insane."
"We decided it really wasn't fair to let the same 5 people decide everything election after election" said Des Moines resident Wally Dunlap, one of the 0.00002% of Iowans eligible to vote under the original Constitutional language. "And once we saw that dumbass plumber get his 15 minutes of fame this year, we really thought the trend just wasn't worth fighting anymore"
I still would have voted to keep the idiots away from the voting booth. It'll make re-electing Obama so much easier if we can keep the idiots away from the voting booth.
Disclaimer- Wally Dunlap isn't real. Everyone and everything else mentioned is.
10 comments:
As an Iowan, I wanted to let you know it's closer to 10 people who are allowed to vote.
I thought you'd be a little nicer about it, considering this was the starting point for the President-Elect. Without Iowa, who would be our next president?
In regards to the Iowa situation:
"The best argument against democracy is a 5-minute conversation with the average voter" -Sir Winston Churchill
C'mon now, that was a cheap shot at Iowa. We're not all idiots - we went 54% for Obama, after all! Show some love, you have more fans here than you realize.
I would like to crawl into your brain just to hear your inner thoughts thoughout the course of the day.
I can't get enough of this sh!t.
damn it. my plan was always to move to georgia if obama won, canada if mc cain won.
Now I guess I will have to consider the Netherlands where if you can get the parents on board 12 is the legal age.
i'm sure glad you are looking out for me buddy/I had no idea that geogia wasn't safe.
georgian facsists!
So, no scotch today, I take it?
I can think of a few states that could do with idiot amendments to prevent people with documented history of douchebaggery from voting. Arkansas and California, for example (sorry, y'all, but look at Prop 8)...
Thanks for not taking the obvious shots at the idiots up here in Alaska, (myself excluded, of course!)
Obama/Begich/Berkowitz '08
One for three, that's better than I've done in the other elections I've voted in. Sheesh. But Alaska is beautiful, and not hot, so guess I'll stay :-)
You didn't mention Utah. Zion to the Mormons who rule this backwater. Sarah Palin talks like a Mormon. Gosh, you bettcha, doncha know? And we like our teenage daughters to breed early so she fits in that way. But Mitt is our Pope. We like them clean cut and rich. Mitt fits the bill. Mitt can do no wrong in Utah. I'm betting Mitt and Sarah run together in 2012. It is a fate we do not want to have to survive, being ruled by the fundies.
I live in Arizona and would like to comment on Arizonas voting against gay marriage. I have nothing against gay marriage. A gay couple has as much right as I do to get married. However, the choices we had to vote for were so badly written and so confusing that I could not tell you which way I voted. It was not a simple yes or no. I wish it had been.
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