I've decided I'm gonna become a professional gold miner. Seriously. There's no way they've gone over every inch of California since the original gold rush. Back in 1849 people were shorter, they didn't have access to the variety of foods to provide vitamins and energy that we have today, and they didn't have cell phones. Think how much more efficient a modern gold miner could be! I'm sure there still has to be a big chunk of gold out there somewhere, but I'm not greedy. At current prices I would only need to find like 5 ounces a month to have enough money to get by. How the hell hard could that be? Five fucking ounces!
The hours would also be very agreeable. Basically, anytime there's daylight. Once I find my first ounce, I'll buy one of those little headlamp thingys and have 24/7 capability. I suppose I'll need one of those pans or something too.
And if worse comes to worse, and all I find is fools gold, then I'll just find some fool to sell it to. One thing my pharmacy career has taught me is that there is no shortage of fools. I'm gonna head to the Sierra Foothills as soon as I sober up. I'll try not to laugh at you suckers when I'm rich.
UPDATE, 3:14 AM- So far I have checked both under my bed and in the hall closet, and I have found no gold. It may be because I do not yet have one of those pans. Should these disappointing results continue, I may be forced to expand my search to silver, or perhaps uranium if I can get a good market price.
6 comments:
You are hoot, Drug Monkey. Here is a gold seeking tip for you:
Buy Free Range Chickens.
Why?
My folks just bought 260 acres in Oregon from a very elderly woman, who had several old canning jars full of gold bits....gathered over the years (and years, and years..)from her chickens gullets.
Puts a new slant on the phrase "Butter and Egg Money", doesn't it?
Good luck.
v. comical!
this reminded me of http://crackle.com/c/Funny/Gus_Chiggins/1522600 , which you should have already seen, if you're as cool I think think you might be.
Yesterday I sold my soul to the pharmacy devil. I transferred one script to walgreens to get a $25 gift card, and one to Safeway for a $30 gift card. Since one was for glucophage, which my insurance deems free for me, and the other was for Vikes, which came to $1.67, I'd say it was well played.
But the point is that I thought of you when I was at Walgreens. The pharmacist was in his early 60s, if I had to guess. He looked like a sad, empty shell of a man. He diligently filled out the transfer request, had the tech call Target to process the actual transfer and handed me a bottle of glucophage. And the entire time, he looked like a zombie. He showed a tiny glimmer of hope when asking me if I had any questions- almost as if he really just wanted to act as a health care professional instead of a bean counter, but on a refill- come on dude. I know the drill.
And, funny enough, the customer after me was asking about GoLightly and I chuckled to myself. I'm starting to believe that pharmacies are mini Twilight Zones where the same day happens over and over, just in different locations.
Gold mining might be a good idea, DM.
Try looking on your injectables shelf. I'm sure there's some auranofin somewhere.
Live from CNBC two minutes ago:
"The Dow Jones is worth less than 10 ounces of gold right now."
If you found 5 ounces of gold a month, you could save the economy.
I realize this is an older post but I can't resist commenting:
We live in California Gold Country and let me tell you, there is plenty of gold still here! It has been estimated that only 20% of the gold has been mined....so, come on down! On the other hand, it was recently reported on the news that claimjumpers are still active....Three men were arrested for it just this year. You may need to bring some protection should you decide to proceed with this plan.
You're funny! (Strange political bent, though....:)....
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