Election Wrap Up. The Al Franken Millennium On Hold, Voters In Florida Do What Al-Qaeda Cannot, Iowa Increases Its Electorate By A Factor Of 10,000

It'll be back to the pills soon my friends, I promise, but first some loose ends to wrap up from the election night that turned hope loose once again in the country. 

Hope that will be needed in Minnesota, where Al Franken's bid to unseat a United States Senator who has never denied being a member of Al-Qaeda goes to an automatic recount. Unofficial election night results show Norm Coleman, who has never denied being a member of the organization that carried out the attacks of 9/11, even when directly asked by me, ahead by 477 votes out of over 2.8 million cast. Despite a state law that automatically triggers a recount in elections closer than 0.5%, and despite cases, like the 2004 Governor's race in Washington state, where election night results were indeed reversed after such recounts, Norm Coleman  plastered the word "VICTORY" on his website, and told the press with a straight face that he would "step back" if he were in Franken's position. Proving that while his connection to Al-Qaeda may be unknown, there is no doubt Coleman is a world class douche bag. 

I don't have to tell you that Norm Coleman never denying membership in Al-Qaeda, while technically true, is written with tongue firmly in cheek. In Florida though, there really was a lunatic running for Congress who thought that Al Jazeera might be trying to kidnap him by luring him to a fake television interview. Allen West thwarted that terrorist plot, but was unable to stop the vast conspiracy that delivered an electoral ass-kicking.

Back to Minnesota quickly, where Elwyn Tinklenberg came sooooooo close to winning that state's 6th District Congressional race, in the end though, he came up a little short, thereby depriving me of many, many jokes that would have involved the name "Congressman Elwyn Tinklenberg." Dammit. 

Voters in Arizona, Florida, and California passed anti-gay marriage measures, ensuring a continuing healthy sex life for gays and lesbians in those states. Seriously gay people, be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it one day. 

In Colorado, South Dakota, and California, draconian restrictions on a woman's right to an abortion went down to defeat. Again. Ensuring that the Christian lunatics will be back next election with something more obnoxious so they can waste all our time by making us kick their ass. Again. 

In what I'm sure is a blow to my good friend, and by "good friend" I mean "person I've never met but who was like the 2nd human to ever read this blog," Romius T,  South Carolina amended its state constitution to eliminate language that set the legal age of consent for unmarried women at 14 years old.  The constitutional clause conflicted with South Carolina statutory law, which set the age of consent at a much more responsible..... 16. 

By far my favorite nugget of the night though, comes from the state of Iowa, I'll let Time magazine set the stage:

Iowa Public Measure D, also known as "Idiot Amendment," will change the language of the constitution, which currently prohibits an individual from voting if he or she is deemed an "idiot or insane."

"We decided it really wasn't fair to let the same 5 people decide everything election after election" said Des Moines resident Wally Dunlap, one of the 0.00002% of Iowans eligible to vote under the original Constitutional language. "And once we saw that dumbass plumber get his 15 minutes of fame this year, we really thought the trend just wasn't worth fighting anymore"

I still would have voted to keep the idiots away from the voting booth. It'll make re-electing Obama so much easier if we can keep the idiots away from the voting booth.

Disclaimer- Wally Dunlap isn't real. Everyone and everything else mentioned is.