Monday, September 08, 2008

A Tribute To Joseph, The Biggest Sucker In Biblical History. Or The Biggest Cuckold, Neither Of Which Is Anything To Be Proud Of Really.

     "My dear husband, I bring you good news! I am with child!" 

     "But how can that be? We have not lain with each other....unless.....you have lain with another man..."

     "Um...no....er....it is the child of God's...yes...God's child! I was seeded with no penis at all breaking the barrier of my outstretched legs. The inside of me was not filled in a way I can never imagine you filling it, thrusting deeply....hitting the magical G-spot again and again........leaving me on my hands and knees begging for more......literally begging...."

    "Um, no, that never happened at all. Totally God's child."

      "I see. Well that makes perfect sense. Why shouldn't I believe my wife is pregnant without having sex with another man. I mean, really, if you think about it, getting pregnant without the involvement of penis is way more likely to happen than a woman deciding she wants to do the nasty with a man other than the one she's committed to."

    "Blessed are we Joseph!"

    "Um, yes, blessed are we"

     Of course there is an alternate explanation: 

    "My dear husband, I bring you good news! I am with child!" 

     "How fabulous! This is the perfect sequence of events to cover for the fact I only lay with other men! What a glorious day! Does this robe make me look fat?"

     Either way, thanks Joseph. Thank you a whole fucking lot. Had you been not quite so dumb or maybe a little more psychologically comfortable with who you were, we would have had absolutely no need for The Crusades. All that Catholic/Protestant nastiness that killed so many people around the time of the Hundred Years War? Wouldn't have happened. We also wouldn't have then spent our time subjugating, colonizing, humiliating and killing every non-European on the planet in that bastard son of yours' name. We would have been too busy with the Roman orgies, feasts and toga parties. Yeah, I'd much rather have the Spanish Inquisition than an orgy. Thanks again there Joseph. You set off just a wonderful chain of events, didn't you? 

     Or Maybe Mary was just one hell of a lay and once you finally got a taste you just couldn't give it up for anything.  

It doesn't matter. Screw you Joseph. 

     

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow
TAP do you need like a hug or something, dear?

min@southernXposer

Romius T. said...

Drug monkey,

I think you just don't understand the lifestyle we cuckold's choose. You should not judge us for our lifestlye. We do not judge you. If you have ever jacked off to the thought of a large black man's penis ejaculating in your wife's cunt thus impregnating her (assuming your penis cover has been removed and you have been given permission to spank it) then you would know what i was talking about!

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

anonymous,

I dunno. Maybe we could ask TAP, who is someone who is not me.

This seems to happen a lot, but thanks for the offer. If it was actually for me.

Basiorana said...

Actually, he rejected the idea at first, called her a whore and stormed out. Then an angel appeared and told him he had to accept it.

My explanation, of course, is that he had a mental breakdown, and she kind of rolled with it. Either that, or she had a good dowry.

Anonymous said...

"My dear husband, I bring you good news! I am with child!"

I thought they weren't married yet, and that's why it was a big deal that she was preggers. But I'm kinda rusty on my Bible trivia. Haven't worn those knee highs in years.... ;)

Why blame Joseph, though? Mary's the one who tricked everybody. Jesus tricked everyone, too, with that bag of tricks. And Easter. Can't forget about Easter.

Anonymous said...

I've often wondered about that too. Can you imagine a young girl in today's age, getting pregnant and SWEARING it was a miracle?! Who'd believe her? Not a soul! Yet, 2000 years ago, pfffttt, no problem! Instant religion, to go.

kyree said...

I've always thought this was the most ridiculous thing ever, and people BELIEVE this stuff just because some nitwits kept writing about it (disjointedly) 2000 years ago. Good grief. I guess some people are just anxious to believe in something... no matter how ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

As my literal Bible believing mother-in-law told me - its faith, just faith.

Fortunately, she doesn't blame me for my lack of faith nor do I judge her for her blind faith. But, in every other way she is a sane and normal person. She and her (bless his departed soul) husband had 5 children, none of whom belive in this nonsense, yet we all respect her for hers.

Fortunately, she's not one to proseltyze (sp???) It when someone can't keep their faith to themselves when it gets them (& others) into trouble.

Gotta wonder - how many lives have been lost over bickering about religion of one kind or another?

Fortunately, I've always been very vocal abut where every little "Mary" can get Plan B - even before it went OTC & its was rx by pharmacists only. Now we have that, will our future saviors be gone - or just ones we choose????

Anonymous said...

ok drugmonkey, so I screwed up the name thing on the last post. I am blaming it on the fentanyl and versed I had had earlier in the day prior to posting. That might also explain why I was feeling at all charitable. See you missed a grand opportunity. I think that was sort of an odd> The kinda day when immaculate conception might have been possible. min

Anonymous said...

JESUS SHARK!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-512879/Sharks-virgin-birth-Lone-female-aquarium-gives-birth-pup-coming-contact-male.html

Anonymous said...

PS i have no idea if the article is legit, but i don't have time to check. :)

Anonymous said...

Wow, I thought I had a pretty extensive knowledge of current events, religious opinions, fringe elements, blogger nations, tech progress, & pro's and con's of all things medical....

But I must be the most sheltered 40-year-old Catholic in the world because I have never EVER read anything as blasphemous as what you spewed out.

I might be going to Hell for even reading it. Thanks a fucking lot.




[ If I do go, I know I'll be seeing YOU there - and I'll kick your ass for all eternity. ]

:-|

Anonymous said...

Good for people to know.