Let's Go For The Trifecta. Stuff That Somehow Didn't Get Me Fired Part 3.

Blogpost original air date December 21st, 2007


I May Be Single Handedly Responsible For Every Chain Pharmacy In This Country Being Woefully Understaffed

Why? Because Corpo-pharmacy bigwigs know that the very second I am not drowning in prescriptions, things like this start happening to their displays.



The horses have been going at it for two days now. If anyone bothers to notice, and figure out the source, It'll probably make my lobbying for more tech help a little harder.

Does make the 12 hour day go a bit quicker though.

Stuff That Somehow Didn't Get Me Fired, Part 2

Blogpost original airdate: Saturday, October 20, 2007

A Story Of Unparalleled Customer Service. In Your Face Walgreens.


I had been getting the living piss beat out of me for about 9 and a half hours. A customer interrupted the filling of another's prescription to ask if we had a product called "air." I shit you not. If there is a company out there that is dumb enough to name a product "air," I don't want to know about it and will happily blow off anyone wanting to buy it. Then the phone rings. This is the unedited beginning of the conversation:

Me: Thank you for calling corpo-pharmacy, may I help you?

Dumbass: IS THERE A (name of corpo pharmacy chain here) OFF THE LAWRENCE EXPRESSWAY??

Here is a summary of my thoughts over the next two seconds:

Well hello to you too.

There is one highway in this little town. Its name isn't Lawrence.

The nearest city that is big enough to name its highways would be at least 80 miles away.

There is no guarantee that is the city this person is talking about.

Fuck this guy.

"Yeah, you take the first exit after the big overpass, make a right at the light, and it's in the strip center with the McDonalds. " Is what I said. Or something like that. I don't remember exactly, as it was a totally random set of directions for a city that existed only in my mind. If I had been given the name of a real city maybe I would have done better.

The sound the dumbass made before he hung up the phone was something like..."hhhuuurroookk"

I immediately felt bad. What if I just steered some prissy-ass white boy into the ghetto and a carjacking? What if he was trying to get a prescription filled for a kid who didn't know Daddy was both extremely dumb and extremely rude? Crap. Maybe this time the Drugmonkey had gone too far.

Another call about 10 minutes later. "YEAH, I'M AT THE COUNTER HERE AND THIS PHARMACIST SAYS THEY DON'T HAVE MY INSURANCE ON FILE."

He found it. The dumbass fucking found it. I think the key was my mentioning of the McDonalds. "Take a right and look for the McDonalds" just might work in any situation really. I wondered if Burger King might be the key to getting the guy's insurance card to work.

I suppose I could use Google to find out where the Lawrence Expressway is, but at this point I really don't want to know. I also don't want to know where you can buy air.

I hate all people.

We'll File This Under "Stuff That Somehow Didn't Get Me Fired"

Blogpost original air date : Friday, October 20, 2006


My Employer Really Needs To Give Me More To Do......


.....because when it gets to the point where I'm bored enough to clean, bad things can happen.

Such a point was reached a couple weeks ago. It was a beautiful day and most people had sense enough not to waste it in a drugstore. This left me with a choice of staring blankly at the family planning section while listening to the likes of John Mayer serenade me through the in store music system, or do a badly-needed reorganization of the miscellaneous "we don't need this but don't want to throw it away" section at the back of the happy little pill room. I went with option one as long as I could, about an hour, before the sound of "No Such Thing" was like that of an icepick being driven through my eardrum.

Fine. I'll clean something.

One of the first things I found was a pile of old auxiliary labels. You know, the "may cause drowsiness" type stickers we put on your vial so our ass is covered when you take 10 Xanax then wrap your car around a tree. These days, most of them are printed along with your label and not put on separately, meaning the half empty box of "for anal use only" tags I found would probably never be used. How sad. If only there were some way for these little stickers not to go to waste.

I looked back at the family planning section.

Why not a little experiment? You know, in the name of science, the way the TV show "Candid camera" was all about science. I discreetly slipped over to where my favorite type of Trojans were on display. Two rows side by side, perfect. One row got the "for anal use only" stickers on their front corner, one didn't. After two weeks, here's what I can report:

3 boxes of anal condoms picked up and put back when the customer realized they weren't designed for the planned hole.

1 customer carefully looking over his options and going with the anal prophylactics.

1 customer question to me as to what the difference was. I assured the customer they were both the same product and was shocked, just shocked, that someone could be so immature as to put these stickers on as some sort of sick joke. The customer still went non-anal.

Today I saw the store manager taking the labels off, so these will be my final results. Damn.

Although I do still have some "for the ear" stickers left.......

I'm Amazed Sometimes At The Stuff That *Didn't* Get Me Fired.

Blogpost Original Airdate, May 23, 2011. 




A Few Random Thoughts That Should In No Way Be Confused With Those Of My Employer.



I know the profession has its ups and downs. Its frustrations and pitfalls. But I was thinking today, I really take pride in the work my fellow pharmacists and I do day in and day out. It's such a pleasure to be able to serve people and to know that I'm making even a small difference in the fight against things like cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and HIV. To know that I can use the talents I have honed over the course of my career to contribute to the good health and wellness of humanity is a feeling almost impossible to describe to someone not lucky enough to be in a health care field. I'm a big fan of pharmacy.

I should mention though, that the other day my employer came out with a new social networking policy that made it very clear that we were to leave no confusion when we post something online that we are speaking only for ourselves, and not as a representative of the company. So please, don't assume my employer agrees with anything I've just said.

I'm not just a pharmacist though, I'm also a citizen of the United States, and I'd like to think, the world as well. That's why my heart was filled with joy when I heard the news that Osama Bin Laden is no longer a threat to the planet. I really swelled with pride knowing our brave troops had brought evildoer number one face to face to his maker. I'd like you all to join me in honoring our brave men and women in uniform who all played a part in this "Mission Accomplished!," especially the Navy Seals, who may be the most heroic people who have ever lived.

Again though, my employer feels it is very important for me to say that what I write here does not necessarily reflect their views. I'm not sure why, but they definitely want you to know that.

Life isn't all happiness and triumph over evil though. I think we can all agree that there are some truly awful people in society. Take pedophiles for instance. The crimes they perpetrate against our children are among the most horrific things one person can do to another. Pedophiles should be severely punished, not only for the acute physical trauma they inflict on our most vulnerable, but for the lifetime of emotional scars they leave behind. I am no friend of the pedophile.

And I am in no way speaking for my employer. If you want to know what my employer thinks of pedophilia, you'll have to ask them directly. I'd recommend talking to someone in the legal department.

I also recommend you always wash your hands after defecating. But that's just me talking.

Holy Crap I've Been So Busy I Forgot It's Been Over A Year Now Since The Fuckers At Rite Aid Have Had Any Power Over Me.

Since they forced me to make the best decision of my life. It's been a year and a couple months actually and what's embarrassing isn't how my time at the chain that keeps it personal ended. What's embarrassing is that I degraded myself by submitting to their power for so long.

Because this is the kind of thing they did with that power. Twisted the arm of educated professionals to fill prescriptions that everyone knew, or should have known, had no business being filled.

Not that Rite Aid had a monopoly on this. Both Walgreen's and CVS have run into far bigger problems for pushing obscene amounts of narcotics in the state of Florida. How embarrassing. For the people there deluding themselves by trying to maintain a veneer of professionalism in those sweatshops.

To those I left behind in the chains and to the person at corporate headquarters who's paid to do a Google search for "Rite Aid" every morning and will come across this post I say... it doesn't have to be like this. You do not have to sell your self respect for a fat paycheck that is destined to get smaller as the pharmacist surplus turns into a glut. You have no idea how good it feels to wake up in the morning and not be beholden to their bullshit. I work harder, and for far longer now than I ever did back then. But I have a bottle of scotch in the cupboard that I haven't felt the need to touch for months. And my self respect. And I haven't slept away a day for over a year now. Because now the days mean something to me.

It is deeply embarrassing it took me so long to stop being a coward.

To those of you left behind, it doesn't have to be like this.

__________________________________________________

Original Blogpost Air Date, January 25, 2009

Updated: I Am Fucking Tired, So The Quality Of This Post Will Suck. But I Feel Bad For Teasing You. My Personal Story Of Trying To Do The Rite Thing.

Because at work I like to keep things personal.

I think most of us in the profession can agree that making an effort to not have our customers become addicted to benzodiazapines would be the Rite thing to do. Our duty as health care professionals even. I think we can all agree on that.

At least I thought we could all agree on that. Evidently there is at least one exception. My Pharmacy District Manager, with whom I really don't have a personal relationship. I've never met him. He was of no Aid to me when I tried to do the Rite thing though. Benzodiazepines are high markup items, so maybe he's thinking the company needs the money. He could be right about that part.

Customer wanted a refill of temazepam that was filled 4 days ago for a 90 day's supply. While the other pharmacy was being contacted to confirm said 90 day supply was indeed picked up, the customer EXPLODES, and contacts the corporate office. She managed to find the Rite number to call without much Aid.

It's taking awhile to confirm the 90 day prescription. It was dispensed from a big mail-order outfit. I don't have to tell you what it's like to navigate through an organization like that to even find a person, much less one whose head is not up their ass.

I should say at this point I am asleep while all this is happening. I usually sleep until around 2 in the afternoon.

I should also say at this point the Pharmacy District Manager ORDERED THE OTHER PHARMACIST TO FILL THE PRESCRIPTION. Ordered the other pharmacist to dispense a 30 day supply of a controlled, habit forming medication when there was reason to believe a 90 day supply may have been dispensed 4 days before. A Pharmacy District Manager ordered this, which makes me think he may not be the Rite man for the job. Or perhaps he needs some Aid in his position.

The other pharmacist buckles. Don't blame her. She's here on an H-1 visa and if she's fired she's deported. She's also a good person and perhaps the best pharmacy manager I've ever worked for.

In stumbles the Drugmonkey in a caffeine-deprived haze. The other pharmacist is upset and doesn't want to talk about it, then leaves. At this point, the refill Rx has been filled, just as the District Manager ordered, and is ready to be picked up. The staff fills me in on the situation.

Step 1) Grab that refill off the shelf and make sure it ain't going nowhere.

Step 2) Sharpen the Drugmonkey claws.

I called the large mail-order operation and found someone with their head nowhere near their ass. There is a person working at a large mail-order operation whom if I ever meet in the real world, I will take out for dinner and as many drinks as they'd like. They were able to confirm delivery of the 90-day package and that it was signed for. As Kramer would say, Giddyup.

Oh, and the two prescriptions were from two different doctors.

I called the customer to tell her we would be unable to fill her 30 day refill request. You know what the customer said? The crazy customer who went ballistic only hours earlier?

"I understand. Thank you for calling."

Do you know what my District Manager said when I told him this? After putting me on hold for half an hour? That we still didn't have the power to deny the customer an early refill. My conversation with the customer was far more rational than the conversation I had with my District Manager. That's the saddest part of this whole episode.

The conversation with the District Manager quickly devolved into a semi-screaming match, at the end of which I reminded my District Manager there was a poster in every pharmacy in the state of California that spells out in clear terms the circumstances under which a pharmacist can refuse to fill a prescription. Preventing harm to the patient is one of them.

"Send me what this poster says in an e-mail" Said The District Manager who has sent out dozens of e-mails to every store he manages telling them the exact place to hang these posters. This was his way of blowing me off and ending the phone conversation.

My first thought was that my District Manager was a rookie under pressure from above to kiss customer ass who had a decision to make and blew it. After this phone conversation however, I realized I was wrong. He is a smug, arrogant, cocky power hungry bastard who has turned this into a pissing contest for no other reason than the need to feel his dick is bigger. He also is not an unintelligent man, which concerns me. I'm used to District Managers being kinda dumb and overwhelmed.

At any rate, I spent Friday in a nasty flame war with my District Manager. If I get fired, maybe I'll publish some of what I wrote here. There's some good stuff in there.

That's where it stands at the moment. A District Manager for a major pharmacy corporation maintains he has the power to order pharmacists to give out early refills of controlled medications.

Again I ask you Dear Readers, who the fuck needs cable? There is drama all around. I'll keep you posted.

Update 1/30- After almost a week, the District Manager decided to say he did not, in fact, order the other pharmacist to fill anything. The other pharmacist had documented in the patent's profile notes, however, that the DM did indeed order her to fill the early 30 day refill. Determined not to let him slip out of this, I sent an e-mail to the DM pointing this out, and thanking him for teaching us the importance of documentation. A meeting was held between myself, the other pharmacist, and the DM. The District Manager claims it was a case of miscommunication. The other pharmacist maintained she most certainly felt as if she was being ordered to fill this prescription. I made the District Manager look me in the eye and say he did not have to power to force a pharmacist to fill a prescription against his or her professional judgement. Outcome acceptable. Situation stable. For now.

Blog Posts That Somehow Didn't Get Me Fired, Number 3.

Original air date, October 12th, 2008


The Discount Pricing Program From The Pharmacy That Makes It Personal.

CAMP HILL, Pa. - Rite Aid Corp., the nation's third largest drug store chain, today claimed success for its "making stock affordable for the people" program, which took the industry by surprise when it was launched 15 months ago.

"Rite Aid has always been known for low prices every day" said CEO Mary Sammons with a straight face. "But with the phenomenal success of our stock discount program, we've taken a big step towards making corporate ownership, not just shampoo and medicine, affordable for everyone."

In East Los Angeles, José Lopez is using the Rite Aid program to help him take his shot at the American Dream.

"When I first came to this country, I only hoped to find work so I could send some money home to my Mother and cousin" said Lopez, a day laborer and part time landscaper found most mornings outside the Home Depot on Wilshire Blvd. "Now, with what I earn at the end of most days I can buy part of this giant drugstore. I hope someday to own enough of it to be given a golden parachute like the businessmen I hear about on TV. "

As of Friday, Lopez held a 15% stake in the company.

Morgan Stanley analyst Barney Weismann said that unlike the products sold in its stores, shares of Rite Aid Stock really are cheap.

"They certainly were ahead of the curve in aggressively driving down the price of their stock" said Weismann. "The idea has really caught on of late, not only in the drugstore industry but across the entire business world. Rite Aid took the lead in discount stock pricing, and no one has really managed to catch up."

"Catch up and stay in business" he quickly added.

The program suffered a major setback last month when Rite Aid shares were pulled from the shelves of several major dollar store chains as being "too cheap for even us to sell," nevertheless, Ms. Sammons extolled the virtues of value stock pricing.

"I think it's an opportunity anyone who still has any money left should take advantage of" said Sammons, her voice slightly quivering. "Please....I'm begging you...take advantage.....before it's too late."

Sammons then started to weep softly.

Disclaimer- Everything in this post is made up, except for the incredibly low price of Rite Aid stock, which closed at 55 cents a share on Friday.

_____________________________


Well, four years later I certainly look foolish on this one, don't I? A new CEO, a new business strategy, and that stock price these days has more than doubled...

Yup. Closed today at $1.21 it did. While I wipe the egg off my face, let's review what we've learned so far. As we've just seen, Rite Aid was totally cool with a person mocking their business shortcomings.

They also didn't mind me openly lusting after their CEO.

Telling the world they tried to order a pharmacist to feed someone's controlled substance addiction? No problem!!

But, say scabs suck...and...you.....are....outta here. Standing up for working people who want some measure  of health security must be worse than all those things.

At least they are in some people's eyes, we now know.

Blog Posts That Somehow Didn't Get Me Fired #2

Almost forgot about this one until a reminder showed up in the mail bag tonight. Original air date, December 21st, 2007:

I May Be Single Handedly Responsible For Every Chain Pharmacy In This Country Being Woefully Understaffed

Why? Because Corpo-pharmacy bigwigs know that the very second I am not drowning in prescriptions, things like this start happening to their displays.




The horses have been going at it for two days now. If anyone bothers to notice, and figure out the source, It'll probably make my lobbying for more tech help a little harder.

Does make the 12 hour day go a bit quicker though.

Good Morning Rite Aid!!

How are you?? I'm so glad that you want to keep in touch. As you can imagine, I was a little surprised when I checked my hit logs and saw that someone from the corporate office is still visiting my humble little blog garden several times a day. But then, I realized that since you can't really be plotting to fire someone who isn't working for you anymore, you must be coming around because you like what you see. I'm flattered. Maybe all that striving to be the next Jon Stewart, the next Stephen Colbert, to become the next Onion is starting to pay off.

Do you like Jon Stewart Mr. Rite Aid Corporate Hack that can't get enough of my writing? Do you think Stephen Colbert is real? When he testified in front of Congress did you think he was a newscaster giving journalistic insight into one of the major issues of the day?

I hope you didn't. Because that would make you really stupid. Someone who would have to have explained to them that people like Colbert, Stewart, and the writers of The Onion use satire and outrageous behavior to make larger points simply wouldn't have the brainpower to be an executive at a successful drugstore chain, a goal I know you must aspire to while putting in time at your current job. I know you get it though, because when I tried to explain this to you the last time we talked, you totally cut me off, like you already understood.

Which can only mean this violence in the workplace policy you claim was violated was meant to provide protection from fictional characters like Stephen Colbert and The Drugmonkey. You did notice that on the day of our final meeting my name had never appeared on this blog, right? That this wasn't a blog by David, but a blog written in the character of The Drugmonkey, correct?

Of course you did. Because you're really smart.

You must really take your fiction seriously Mr. Hack. Because when I, David, called your media people to get information on your plans to bring in scabs should a Southern California strike happen, I was told that this was only an "unsubstantiated rumor"

So, when The Drugmonkey wrote that any scabs that come out here deserve to have their ass kicked "so hard their rectum ends up in front of their incisors" you immediately swung into action. To protect an unsubstantiated rumor from a fictional character.

I can only hope that someday you'll treat real people as well.

Just to show there's no hard feelings though, I'll leave you with an entertaining little clip that I'm sure I won't have to explain to you.

Or will I?

Tonight, The First In A New Series: Blog Posts That Somehow Did *Not* Get Me Fired.

Before I say anything, I have to tell you how touched and how honored I am by all your kind words. There have been times the heartfelt feelings so many have zapped my way these last few days have had me close to tears, and I can't thank you enough. I want to grab all your faces and plant a big kiss on all your foreheads. You my friends, inspire me.

So, if they thought I would shut up, they were very, very, wrong. The fight continues.

For those of you just tuning in, I'll let you know that Rite Aid and I parted ways last week because I said mean things about the scabs they are planning to bring to California should a looming strike actually go down. Specifically, that anyone who comes out here to break a strike that involves people who want things like the ability to get sick and not go bankrupt should have their ass kicked.

In light of how sensitive they were on this subject, I thought it might be interesting to look back and see some of the things the company was apparently OK with. Through the magic time machine we go to a post originally published on July 21st, 2007:

Mary Sammons, Pharmacy MILF.


I have never thought it fair that women receive the vast majority of sexual harassment opportunities. For years I have seethed with jealousy as the attractive women around me get chance after chance to to enter the world of higher pay, cushy assignments, and all expense paid travel and meals while I am stuck working for a living. I have prayed and hoped and dreamed of the day the executive glass ceiling would be shattered so that I too could have my share of uncomfortable swats on the ass and porn "accidentally" left on the office computer. It's my human right to be harassed.

Well things may be looking up in my industry. Meet Mary Sammons, CEO of #3 Drug retailer Rite Aid:



Mary may not be getting invitations to the Playboy Mansion, but when compared to the type of person we usually find at the helm of Fortune 500 corporations, I think you'll agree she's smokin.' Here's a picture of Lee Raymond, the former CEO of Exxon:

Lee was recently given a retirement package worth $400 million. Perhaps because everyone else at the company couldn't stand to look at him anymore.

In Mary's case though, the Drugmonkey could easily find himself caught in the web of power, money and luxury that someone in her position could weave. And she is a titan of the industry that employs me. I could see it now..............

(fade into dream sequence here.)

The Drugmonkey is in the middle of just another average day in his new job, simultaneously on hold with a doctors office, another drugstore and the help desk of Blue Cross of Lower Damnation. The line at the counter is 5 deep, and the fax machine is working non stop. In walks an elegant older woman in a business suit right past the chaos....she stands uncomfortably close to the Drugmonkey.

"Hello Drugmonkey. I just wanted to stop by to tell you how glad we are to have you on board, and to tell you about our...... bonus....... program" She touches the Drugmonkey a tad inappropriately. "You like bonuses don't you Drugmonkey? Do you have a minute?"

Drugmonkey: "Um, actually, I don't, take a look out there at your store."

"I see, well, I'll make a few phone calls while you make me some money."

Lunatic Customer: HOW MUCH LONGER?????????

Sammons, speaking with an air of authority into her PDA/Cellphone/MP3 player/Space Shuttle: "Johnson? Sammons. Giving a green light to the pharmacy staff cuts you outlined in your memo. A 10% increase in prescriptions filled per person will be our goal."

Customer Number 2: ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PUT SOME PILLS IN A BOTTLE!!!!!

Sammons: "AT&T? I need to order 5 more phone lines to be put in each of my stores"

Sammons then slowly saunters back to the Drugmonkey and whispers in his ear........"I can see you're busy....when you're free, I'm in room 869 of the Ritz-Carlton.....remember....with me.... it's personal."

Customer Number 3: WHERE IS THE MOTOR OIL? HHHEEELLLOOOOOO....CAN I GET SOME SERVICE?

Drugmonkey: "Ms. Sammons, don't think I'm not picking up on the signals you're sending, but can't you see that your policies are precisely the reason we will never make sweet love? I don't have time to urinate when I'm working for you, and holding it in for 12 hours can't be good for penile health. And by the time I'm free Ms. Sammons, the only use I will have for a bed will be for sleeping...."

Sammons looks at the Drugmonkey with a mixture of sadness and confusion.

"Mary, if you ever want some Drugmonkey lovin' you're gonna have to make some changes. I'll never be able to do nooners unless I get a lunch break."

Mary's eyes lock onto the Drugmonkey's for what seems like an eternity. Her cellphone rings and it goes unanswered. Softly, she says:

"I'll do it. Mary Sammons always gets what she wants, and I want you Drugmonkey."

My friends, the power of my raw animalistic sexual attractiveness may be just the thing that saves what is left of our profession. I owe it to you to apply for a position at Rite Aid soon. Wish me luck.

______________________________________


I gotta come clean here. I was already working for Rite Aid when I wrote that, and things didn't quite work out the way I had envisioned. I took a bold gamble hoping to win the heart of  Mary Sammons, and while the silence from the pharmacy MILF who had just engineered the deal that would cripple the company with a $6.4 billion debt was a little heartbreaking,  I did learn that evidently it was kosher to broadcast sexually suggestive remarks about my boss to the world.

Perhaps because she was secretly hot for me. We'll probably never know.

By the way,  let me just say that any scabs that come out here to break a strike deserve to have their ass kicked. I believe the line was "so hard their rectum ends up past their incisors"

Ha ha. The result of firing me for saying that once is that I said it twice. Making their actions about as effective here as their Brooks Eckerd deal was profitable.

As time went on though, I learned the company was cool with all sorts of things you could say about them. Stay tuned my friends......