Wednesday, August 27, 2008

So I Was Being Nice To A Fat Chick Today.

I don't know why. Needed to shake things up a bit I suppose. Break out of the old routine. It gets a little old just being nice to the hot chicks all the time.

Or it might have been a flashback to the fen-phen era. Ohio had a weird law at the time that said any prescriptions for weight loss meds could not be written for more than a two weeks supply. This meant I had a constant parade of fat chicks gradually turning into skinny chicks at my counter for the better part of a couple years or so, and as time went on, I came to regret not being nicer to some of these women when they were fat. Oh well, there's nothing nearly as effective as fen-phen on the market today, so it was a lesson that really didn't have to be remembered. So it was either out of boredom or out of nostalgia that I was being nice to the fat chick today, I'm not sure which.

Here's the unbelievable thing. She didn't respond. Not in the slightest. Let me tell you something, there is no way that fat chick is ever gonna get more than the absolute minimum of attention necessary from a guy of my hotness ever again. And she just looked right through me. Like she was a hot chick or something. The nerve of that bitch.

Oh hell. Wait. It was the zit.

I have a monster zit on my nose at the moment. My overactive sebaceous glands are good in that they give me a pretty much wrinkle-free look as the dawn of middle age approaches, bad in that a couple times a year it looks like I have Mt. Vesuvius coming out of my face. It brings me great shame, but I had forgotten about it until the fat chick treated me like I wasn't doing her the favor that I was.

I don't understand why these fat chicks have to be so shallow. There's no reason why a fat chick can't look past my imperfections to see the wonderful human being I really am. I have feelings fat chicks. I have hopes and dreams and thoughts and aspirations, and when you treat me as some sort of second class person based simply on my appearance.....well.....that really says more about you than it ever will about me, doesn't it? So put down the Twinkies, get over the fact I look like Rudolph, and start treating me like the sex object I really am.

I will admit though, that being the brunt of fat chick discrimination has allowed me to grow as a human being this night, and for that I am thankful. I can only conclude that God has put this zit on my nose as part of his mater plan.

I think it's almost ready to pop.


22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Be careful mister... shallowness has its consequences.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__x8CYAVMbk&feature=related

At least you won't be bald.

Anonymous said...

Fat chicks of the world unite. It's time to put down some of these hot dudes (or, acned dudes that think they're hot).

Natalie said...

muhahaha de-motivational posters. i love that one.

Phrustrated Pharmacist said...

What do fat chicks and mopeds have in common? They're both fun to ride until your friends catch ya.

Anonymous said...

As a "fat chick" myself I can tell you that we can smell jerk coming off of alleged hot pharmacists from a mile away. You are just trying to escape your destiny........

Lisa Olga said...

I'm damned glad you're not my phamily pharmer.

Romius T. said...

This is the best post I have read by you in a few years!!

I just want to point to your readers that the only way you could possible be aware of that "inspirational poster" is by visiting jail bail picture forums and Ithink your audience should know that.

This post is so awesome that it will be featured as my blog friend of the day as soon as I can post another entry. So congrats.

About fat chicks looking past you... I had the same thing happen recently at a bar. The chick talked to me for awhile but then later blew me off. I was like "but you are like really fat what gives?"

Of course I all I do write about fat chicks and I have spent the last 5 years or so blogging about the inconsistencies that I find in this subject matter and I think you are well aware of that. But I applaud any person willing to jump in to the tank with me and explore this difficult topic.

Anonymous said...

well, either not all fat women buy into the socially constructed norm that fat = bad, and they've been able to unlearn that they should hate themselves for an arbitrary measure of self-worth, or even fat women with their supposed low self-esteem don't care for the approval of the supposedly hot drug monkey.

Anonymous said...

I don't know whether I should be offended by this post or laugh my (fat) a$$ off. :)

Exoth℮rmic said...

This is true hilarity, what is even more funny is the sorry responses from fat women.



btw though, de-motivational posters are not exclusive to forums that post pics of underage girls. That may be the only place that commenter sees them, but there are plenty at sites like motifake.com

ThatDeborahGirl said...

Reminds me how every now and again, I try to be nice to white people. Sometimes it works, but mostly it doesn't. I keep trying anyhow.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you came across as a patronising, egotistic, prick. That's how you come across in the blog entry.

We less-attractive women can still detect insincerity. Try being genuinely friendly and courteous to everyone, regardless of how 'hot' they are, and you may get a better response.

Robin Fonner Andersen said...

Maybe she just wasn't into you?

Anonymous said...

Aren't you overweight and balding? Have you looked in a mirror? Men with giant beer bellies usually have broken penises anyway, so why should she bother to waste her time?

Anonymous said...

It's time for you to realize that people, no matter what their appearance may be, can read ASSHOLE through and through. You should be fired. You're put into a position to help people, not increase the usage of depression medications by treating people so harshly and judgmental. Screw you.

Fat Bastardo said...

Fat girls are ornery!

Anonymous said...

hmmmmmm, im sorry it just seems its as if your the shallow one, i mean you reffered to women only as "the fat chicks" or "the hot chicks".

KC said...

I love it how all of you moribundly obese "women" are acting so offended that DM commented on the fact someone who likely sports countless razor scars and eroded tooth enamel from many (failed) attempts at escaping the blubberous prison of flesh that is their life, or at least hoping others will look DEEP, DEEP under all that ugly, whale-oil producing flesh to find... a person just as ugly on the inside! Joy!

You know, for someone whose existence has thus far been an uninterrupted chain of sad because someone judged you based upon appearances, you would think you might learn to not do the same to others, and to whirr your straining Rascal all up on and after any man who gives the slightest hint of being willing to dredge and drill the dark depths for that sweet, sweet mayonnaise.

If anyone takes offence to this post, please consider for a moment that it may be too accurate for comfort; and trust me, I left out all the truly horrid things...but if I see you acting like I bitch in public, I can list a growing number of other areas in life you fail at.

And I thought all "rotund" people were supposed to be jolly- they only opened one of the double doors at the all-you-can-eat buffet again?

Anonymous said...

I will never talk to a fat chick again unless formally introduced.

Once I was at a bar and while watching ESPN, I randomly started talking to this girl who was sitting next to me about the football game. The same manner in which I would talk to a guy or a kid or a any stranger.

She had this bored look on her face (the I hate sports look) but I continued talking because hey, I'm a guy who likes sports! Suddenly, while I am looking at her in the eyes she says "Why are you talking to me, I'm not interested in you." I was perplexed for a minute and didn't make sense of what she had said. Then I said "sorry" and turned back towards the TVs.

The problem is is that this girl was FAT and UGLY. As I said I would have talked sports to anyone sitting next to me. So the lesson is never, ever talk to a fat chick.

Why? even give them the idea that you are attracted to them? If she was good-looking then she would have been somewhat correct about my intentions. Never again.

Anonymous said...

Omg! This is hilarious!!! Why are people offended by this? Where's your sense of humor?

Ryan said...

The number of people here missing the joke here makes me lose faith in humanity.

NYPharmacist said...

NY PHARMACIST

I remember the sage counsel of my dear old Dad, when he said, "You should fuck all the fat broads you can......they're more grateful".
At the time, I thought him "retarded" nay, "challenged", but as middle age approached, I saw the wisdom in this policy. I probably would've had twice the ass I had, and I've had more than a bicycle seat, but am forced to wonder about the theory of quantity versus quality.
Hmmmm......as if how the PBM's are ramming me in the ass is not enough to worry about.