Sunday, November 12, 2006

There's A Woman I Can't Get Out Of My Mind. She's 80 Years Old, Short, And She Left Me Speechless.

The Doughnut hole. No, I'm not talking about that thing you put around your bat when you're on deck in baseball. Neither am I talking about bite-size goodies you load up on when you're at the Krispy Kreme. Those of you in the profession know exactly what I'm talking about. For those of you who aren't, I'll let you know the "doughnut hole" is a term that refers to a coverage gap in the new Medicare Part D drug plan. In a nutshell, Part D covers you for awhile, then stops, then starts again. It's stupid, but that's not the point of this post.

The lady at the counter was in the doughnut hole. She came in the store to get some medicine to treat a brain tumor. For just shy of a thousand dollars, chances are she would get to live about an extra 2 months.

Label popped out and I saw the price. Then I looked over and saw her sitting patiently by the blood pressure machine. Fuck. I hate this part of the job. I waved the cashier away because I knew I should break the news myself. It's almost a relief when they yell at you in these situations. It's when they're just quiet and hand over a pile of cash that you feel like shit.

I took a deep breath and started. "Mrs. Smith, I don't know if you knew this, but this medicine is pretty expensive........."

She heard me out and didn't bat an eyelash. Then she took my hand and said something like "The last 60 years have been a gift young man" At least I think the word she used would translate as something like "young man".

Then she gave my hand a pat, turned her arm over, and I saw the blue numbers tattooed in her skin. This woman had been a concentration camp inmate. I looked up and our eyes locked for what couldn't have been more than a few seconds. It felt like an hour. When I saw those eyes I saw a wisdom, a confidence, and an inner peace that I do not have the ability to put into words. This woman was tougher than any drug bill. She handed over a pile of cash and I felt like shit.

As she left I wanted to run after her and ask her to tell me something, anything, about what she had been through so that maybe I could help keep some part of her story alive. I didn't. I stood there like a moron as she walked out of sight. I haven't seen her since. This happened a few months ago, but I've been thinking about it more these last few days. It's funny how a memory can go underground and then pop right back up with the right trigger. So, uh, yeah, even though it may be a retreat from my battle against growing up, I don't think I wanna be the drugnazi anymore.

I don't mean I want to quit the blog, or stop posting rants about freaks, Big Pharma, or Republicans, and rest assured you'll still be getting the occasional Beavis-like bit of immaturity. I just think I should do it under a different name. I like monkeys, so I'm thinking something monkey based. Maybe The DrugMonkey.

I like it. Let's try it out and see if it sticks.

33 comments:

Chloe said...

Well, you know what a fan I am of monkeys. Maybe even an aficionado.

That is really a powerful memory, in all seriousness.

Maybe the drug monkey, instead of saying "No drugs for you!" could throw crap at customers who do not follow the protocol. Eh, eh? You like?

Anonymous said...

On cherche toujours de la paix, mais quelquefois la paix nous trouve. Bonne chance avec le changement...

Romius T. said...

Wow I can post now.

Blogger has been fucking with me for a while.

Like I wrote you DrugMonkeyboy,
this post broke my heart.

Anonymous said...

Wow, DM. Your story actually made me cry. So many people out there don't know what a privilege it is to worry about a ding in their car door or a scratch on their finger. Never give up the good fight, my man. tsp

ps: chloe's comment reminds me of a palm game called PortaMonkey ( http://www.palmtown.com/games/xgm17.php ). It throws shit at you if you aggravate it! I had it on an older palm and I'm not sure if it runs on OS5.

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

I like the throwing crap at customers idea......I really like the throwing crap at customers idea......

As for as you Ms. Carmen, I'm not too proud to admit I had to go to Babel Fish to figure out what you posted. I'm glad it worked out that way. It was kinda like unwrapping a present and finding the perfect gift inside. Thanks.

--==-- said...

That's intense, man. I had the same thing happen to me with a man who's wife got a brain tumor. It's not an easy thing to do. Tell somebody they need $4500 for their wife to live. You feel like it's your fault...even though it isn't.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I just was told about your page. I'm a 2nd year pharm student and I understand how you felt when you told that woman about her $1000 script. A few months ago I had to take a $2000 dollar check from one of my best friends of 14 years for her kidney medicine. I had to go into the backroom and cry on that one. Love the blog, keep them coming and if you want I've got a story of lesbians and a turkey baster if you want to use it. Or a KY jelly story, lol. And I haven't even been working at a pharmacy a year yet.

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

By all means Dr Frankenstein, lets hear the stories. No reason I should have a monopoly on freaks.....

Anonymous said...

Is the name concrete, or is it open for change? Monkey might be too closely alligned with your description of our current "leader."
It seems as though you are completing a metamorphosis. If you're starting your own revolution, which I am all for, you want the name to be resonant of that. Just a thought...

Anonymous said...

Ooo totally right on the Bush reference Carmen, scary! Anywhoo So lesbians with turkey baster. A lesbian couple that wanted to get pregnant came into the pharmacy and asked if saline solution would help keep sperm alive. My pharmacist said no most likely would kill the sperm. Next question, well would an eye dropper have enough power to propel the swimmers up my hoohah (yes she said hoohah). My pharmacist with out missing a beat said no, probably not try a turkey baster. The couple left to go buy a turkey baster, and the pharmacist turned around and said to us, just have sex with the guy odds are it'll be over in a minute.

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

Hmmmmm.....I do see your point. I was thinking over several names last night actually. Here are a few.


DrugApe
Monkey Full 'o Hate
Vidodin Gatekeeper
robokong
robotron3000

The last 2 being a comment on how the profession has degraded into being a pill counting machine.

I kinda like how "drugmonkey" flows, and I love the picture of the chimp at the top of the web page. I'm trying the name on for awhile at this point. Maybe I could come up with a new name for Bush the Lessor as well. I'm always open to suggestions.

By the way Ms. Carmen, being from the state shaped like a mitten, you know I'm sure about the upcoming game between the poisonous nuts and the cousins of weasels. I can only imagine what Columbus will be like Saturday. Yet another reason I'm thankful to no longer be there.

Anonymous said...

Keeper of the Narcotics....kind of like Hagrid in Harry Potter, Keeper of the keys. Yes I will proudly admit my status as a geek. And what state is shaped like a mitten....*pulls out a map* Wisconsin?

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

look at your left hand.....look at your map.....look to the right of wisconsin.....

Mother Jones RN said...

I just found your blog and I really like it. I'm adding you to my blogroll.

I was very lucky when I was a kid because I grew up around a lot of concentration camp survivors.
How is that lucky? They taught me to embrace life.

L'chai-im

Anonymous said...

Oh, come on, you know you miss "the heart of it all." I am further north, so unaffected by all of the face painting and mass hysterics-- MySpace is another matter however. I've seen so much OSU wallpaper I'm going to start shitting buckeyes soon. Enjoy your warmth and footballlessness.

Anonymous said...

yeah i don't actually have a map lol

Anonymous said...

While I don't have a comment for a name, I would like to take a moment and commend your choice. Little things like this change are what will amount to the destruction of the last bits of our society treating some terrible things with humor or sarcasm. Now if only we could get rid of racist jokes too...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

Just to let you know Ms Carmen, while I have fallen in love with the chimp for now, I liked one of your suggestions so much I un-published your comment lest someone steal it. Thanks for the ideas.

Opiwan said...

Might I suggest President Shrub as a new moniker for our esteemed leader. He's about as stupid as an inanimate plant, after all...

Anonymous said...

Im a nurse :P I worked a couple of years ago at a recovery center. The patients managed to get in the habit of calling some of the staff foodnazis, from health dept laws which required food to be thrown out. They wouldnt bother to eat or label it but the horror when it was thrown out!

I thought over time and patient turn over this name calling would die out, to my great surprise it never did. It lived through the cycles of patients like a disease.

One day after I heard a patient say foodnazi in group, I explained how I had once taken care of a kind brillant man who was a scientist and had been kidnapped by the nazis. Trying to snap them out of throwing that word around by telling them that word means much more then they realize and to use it in such a pitiful ignorant childish way was disgusting.

You made the right decision and I have great respect for you for that. Using that word as if it has little real meaning behind it is the definition of ignorance.

I can finally breathe said...

I spend a lot of time - and money - at my local pharmacy.

It's eye opening to read your stuff, and I've about went back through the entire archive too!

I shall never stand there at the counter and wait on another Rx...lest he think I am trying to get him to hurry by staring when in reality I'm standing there wondering if the outline of my maxi pad can be seen through my jeans.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I just found your blog recently and am feverishly reading all old posts. This story thought brought me back to the 90's working in Miami. I had a similar incident just a year or two out of college and it shaped the way I deal with people. It leaves a very profound impact.

Gatorgal R.Ph.

Unknown said...

I know exactly how you feel about this customer. There was a woman that used to come to my pharmacy who was also in the concentration camps. She must be one of the sweetest, kindest, and most understanding customers I have ever run across ..EVER. I used to get so pissed when my stupid co-workers would not call her and let her know we had to partial her rx so she wouldn't have to make two trips (which were made on foot.)

You just made me think about her and the occasional story she would share about her experiences in the camps. Oh, how i hope she's doing fine.

Anonymous said...

wow...let me just say that i am speechless.

i'm only finishing up my first semester of my first year in undergrad. and i was thinking about becoming a pharmacist. until now, lol.

but that's beside the point. stumbling across this blog and reading people's comments has to have been the most intense, enlightening experience i have had in a really, really, really long time. just a myriad of feelings in each and every comment,

i feel changed. for the better.

thanks everybody.

now i'm off to sleep before i associate myself with Confucius.

Unknown said...

I've been in this business since I was in utero, and I've seen it all hospital and community independent.

you made me cry.

NanRX

Bill Hooker said...

There's already one DrugMonkey out there, but I'm sure the world is big enough for two.

Splat and Antisplat said...

I'm glad you chose DrugMonkey, DrugMonkey, and that's a touching story, indeed. I'm in the donut hole myself, right now, but at 31, I've obviously lived nothing like the life your customer has. To be honest, I always wondered why your domain was drugnazi.blogspot anyway. This will be better, to have you at drugmonkey.blogspot.

Splat and Antisplat said...

Oh, and thankfully, luckily, my pituitary tumor medication is Dostinex, which my Part D plan covers even in the donut hole since it's generic. $12 for a months supply when each pill is $25-40 each? I'm not complaining.

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

Billfer,

My co-workers actually labeled me "the drugnazi" long before I started this blog. My customer service skills evidently reminded them of a certain sitcom character who served soup.

Seinfeld, oh how we miss ye. *Sigh*

Anyway, what you see in front of you is the offspring of an e-mail sent long ago to a girlfriend with the subject line of "A day in the life of a drugnazi" It was similar to the "Highlights from today's pill counting action" I do from time to time.

The girlfriend loved it, and rode my ass about starting a blog until i gave in. She's long gone now, leaving me only with the memory of her incredibly velvet-like skin and a full time hobby.

I don't know whether to thank her or blame her....:) I guess I'll leave that up to you.

Splat and Antisplat said...

Yep, I remember the Soup Nazi. :)
You can thank her for providing the stimulus, but thank yourself for what has become of your blog and the growing community of readers who enjoy your wit tempered by occasional mushiness. How's that?

Anonymous said...

Ha.. someone actually asked what state is shaped like a mitten? Ha. Funny.
Love the blog. Also from the mitten, and in pharmacy myself. Really loved this story. Heartwarming.

Dragonfly said...

Dude. Best. Post. Ever.