If You'd Like To Make An Extortion Threat, Press 5. Thank You For Holding. All Of Our Representatives Are Busy Taking Other Extortion Threats.

Through the magic of the Internet, we go to the AP business wire:

WASHINGTON – Express Scripts said Thursday it has received a letter demanding money from the company under the threat of exposing records of millions of patients.

The threat was made in an anonymous letter that the company turned over to federal investigators. 

In the letter, the extortionist expresses frustration with his earlier efforts to contact the company via telephone.

"After repeated calls to your headquarters, the shortest of which resulted in sitting on hold for 45 minutes, I have concluded a letter may be the only hope I ever have of establishing any contact with your organization.  I will therefore raise my demands by 1 million dollars as compensation for my lost time" says the unknown letter writer.

 Not really. I made that part up. I'd be willing to bet if you call the Express Scripts help desk on a regular basis I may have had you going though. 

  

The letter, received in early October, included personal information on 75 people covered by Express Scripts, including birth dates, social security numbers and prescription information.

A company spokesman said Express waited to reveal the breach "to give the investigation time to proceed and get under way."

Uh, yeah. Again, being painfully familiar with Express Scripts customer service and claim payment track record, I'll put up a twenty that "to give the investigation time to proceed and get under way." means "we never got around to opening the letter until yesterday" 

Good luck Express Scripts cardholders. Enjoy yet another benefit of  privately run, for profit health care.