"The lady on line 1 says she needs to talk to the pharmacist" said my trusty tech. "She says it's very important."
"Probably needs my clinical experience to find out why her co-pay went up" was my reply. At that moment, the cynicism born on the day I applied to pharmacy school officially sank all the way through my bone marrow.
I gave the call "high" priority, which meant it was 2 or 3 minutes before I could complete all my "super high" priority tasks and get to it. Here's how it went:
Me: Hi, this is the pharmacist, may I help you?
Customer: HELLO?
Me: Hello ma'am, this is the pharmacist.....
Customer: IS THIS THE PHARMACIST?
Me: Yes ma'am
Customer: I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.......CAN YOU HEAR ME??????
Me: Yes ma'am. Go ahead.
Customer: I GOT THIS SUBSCRIPTION FROM YOU TODAY.......A.......Y........C........L.....O....................
........................I.....R.....
The woman was trying to spell out Acyclovir. I remembered filling it now. You don't forget a voice like this.
Me: Ok...you had a question about it?
Customer: NO!!! IT SAYS HERE ON MY PAPER THAT YOU CAN USE THIS FOR HERPES. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M TAKING IT FOR SHINGLES!!!!!!!!! I'M A CHRISTIAN AND I'M NOT LIKE THAT.
There was absolutely no point in telling this woman that shingles are caused by a type of herpes virus. There was also really no need to tell her that back when I was a man hoochie and wanted an easy lay, I went not to the bars in the party district, but to the nearest mega-church. This call had already cost me 5 minutes of my life I would never get back.
Me: I see...ok then....thanks for calling.....
Customer: DO YOU GET A LOT OF PEOPLE WITH HERPES?
Even the biggest prude will have a voyeuristic side. Part of me wanted to fuck with her and say that herpes prescriptions were going through the roof. I had a couple people lined up seeking explanations of their co-pays though, and chose the route I knew would be the quickest escape.
Me: Not as many as we used to.
Customer: WELL THAT'S GOOD. DO YOU SELL FILM FOR 110 CAMERAS?
Nothing else I did in my entire work day was done with as much enthusiasm as transferring this lady to the camera department.
6 comments:
This brings to mind a story from some years past:
I was helping a woman on the phone who wanted a refill on her "itch cream". Looking through her profile the only cream I saw was Zovirax, so, figuring herpes probably itch, that's what I filled. She came to pick up her rx shortly thereafter, and pulls it out of the bag, looks at the box, and bellows, at the top of her lungs (as in they could hear her at the cash registers at the front of the store) "I SAW THIS STUFF ON TV!!! THIS IS FOR HERPES!! I AIN'T GOT NO GODDAM HERPES!!!!!!!!!!
Holy shit, lady, thanks for sharing.
My favorite now is the guy who's on 60mg of Revatio three times a day. Probably walking around all day with a hardon and has no idea why cause I know he's sure as hell not smart enough to read the monograph lol
Great story. I wish it were me as it also would have been the highlight of my day.
Methinks you just dislike her because she is Christian and likely supports Bush.
I remember caring briefly what the pharmacy staff at (insert major drug store chain name here) thought when I had to urgently fill a prescription for a-c-y-l-o...when I had a second (yes, second!) incidence of chicken pox. My doctor ordered this filled *stat* and thank dog for that.
I quit caring when the f*ing nerve endings in each extremity and every point in between resumed their firing up while I waited in the drive-through lanes. Give me my herpes virus-related-to-my-condition fast, pleeeeeeeease?
Does that make me less Christian? Bwaaaaahhhhhaaaaa!
Tell the good Christian lady that LIFE is sexually transmitted. Nevermind, it would go right over her head anyway.
OMG! Priceless, simply priceless.
I dated some hot ministers in my youth. If your customer only knew what they did when they weren't in church:-)
Can I hear an AMEN!
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