The closest I may ever come to doing anything successful may be this post. I gave birth to those words a few months ago and have since watched as my stats page recorded them being zapped around the planet, not to mention the magnets they have become, constantly drawing people into my little blog garden. I always wondered how it would feel to know that you were the one that started one of those e-mail sensations, and now I do. I know all too well.
The other day I show up to the happy pill room and before I even have a chance to shake off the morning grogginess, my pharmacy manager is showing me something I "have to read." Shoved under my nose is.....you guessed it, my word children. Before I realize I'm going to have to act like I've never seen this before though, I notice.... that someone amongst the mile-long header that began the e-mail message was a person who.....CHANGED MY WORDS! Some FUCKER thought they could improve upon MY WORK!
ASSWIPE, I WILL FIND YOU!
I came very close to saying "you should have read the original, it was way better," but managed to recall the words before they came out of my mouth. As it was I was able to pull off acting like this was all new to me. Sometimes being in a coffee depraved haze works to your advantage.
But when the hangover wore off or the caffeine kicked in, I'm still not sure which it is but it happens around 1 o'clock on most days, I saw that the manager liked this hack job enough to hang it on the wall in the back, where every day my child's mutilated body will stare at me, crying for help, and I will be too chained to my paycheck it save it, my own creation.
I feel like less of a person.