The holidays.....oh if we could only keep that Christmas spirit flowing all year long. Celebrating the Big J's Birthday by pretending, if only for one month out of the year, that we give a shit about the message he was trying to send us. January through November we may adhere to the dog-eat-dog creed, but for that one glorious month we all rejoice in the fraternal bonds of our shared humanity.
Like this customer I had at the counter today. He was full of the Christmas spirit. He was truly excited about his favorite time of year, and asked me about my holiday plans.
"I'll be right here" I said. Which is the truth. Corpo-Pharmacy is dumb enough to offer double time for filling 10 prescriptions and I'm dumb enough to cash their check.
"Oh that's terrible" he said, very concerned for his fellow human being. "It's not right to make people work on Christmas"
"I don't mind" was my reply. "I'll just buy myself something nice with the holiday pay" Which again was the truth. Visions of scotch were dancing through my pharmacy brain.
"What are you, Jewish?" the lover of humanity replied. His voice now dripped with absolute contempt.
Now I have a sister who's into the genealogy for whatever reason. She's traced my DNA back to the whitest country on earth. I went to a Presbyterian church when I was a kid and it was while attending a Methodist college that I became an atheist. So naturally I answered the man's question with the words;
"Yes I am"
"Figures" He says. Then he turns away and mutters something about Hanukkah. I seriously think there's a good chance this man will never be back in the store because he doesn't want to do business with the dirty Jew boy.
Yesterday I would have told you there's nothing left the general public can do that would surprise me. I suppose it's a testament to my glow in the dark whiteness that today I was proven wrong.
I wonder how hard it would be to burn a Star of David on someone's lawn.
9 comments:
Heavy use of weed killer, lawn fertilizer or gasoline, all your choice. I recommend the fertilizer because if you spread it too lightly, you'll still have a fine green star poking up among the crabgrass.
Love the post. As I, am Jewish. People act amost the same way when I tell them I wil be working on Xmas and getting paid doube to work on their hoiday. Plus I can force my boss to give me the hoiday off where all the maes in the Jewish household sit around and drink til we can't tell 2 pictures of differnt saints apart. Great hoiday that one. And I agree with Zombiedad, LOTS of fertilizer and diesel fue.
absolutely fanastic! so proud of you, you little heeb lovin' goy!
takin' a hit for the team. I bow in gratitude and appreciation.
sadly, your customer is far too common. hating my people has always been the hip, now, happening thing to do.
what I'm just now realizing reading your post is how numb to it I've become. as if it is just part of my daily routine like brushing my teeth, flossing, showering and shpritzing.
amazing.
drug nazi, you rock.
Drugmonkey!
I think you would be more in the Holiday spirit if they pumped the same dozen Christmas songs, all day long, into YOUR store. Hah...nothing like Silent Night over the P.A. when the shit's hitting the fan.
To date, this one's my favorite, I find myself humming it during the mad rushs.
" On the 12th day of Christmas my Manager gave to me....
12 douchebags lying,
11 doctors calling,
10 losers leaning,
9 early refills,
8 percs a missing,
7 cells a jamming,
6 phones a ringing,
Fiiiiivvvvvveeeeeee bluehairs nagging,
4 broken prints,
3 P.A.'s needed,
2 O.C. scams AND a wel-fare aud-it TO-DAY!!!!"
Keep up the great work!
If only you hadn't washed off that self induced bindi from a few days earlier.... ;)
Back when I was a tech at the local hospital pharmacy, everyone loved me because I was "that atheist kid that works Christmas." $25/hour to play on the internet for 10 hours is the shit to a 19-year old kid.
One of my friends works part-time for a chain that puts the verifying pharmacists' initials on the Rx label. Can you guess what his initials are? So many customers called to complain that the pharmacy was labeling them jewish that corporate had to change his initials in the system from JEW to JWE. I still get a laugh when I think about whoever had to field all those complaints!
Anne, that's freakin awesome.
My family was Jewish in the day, now sorta pseudo-Lutheran. I'm still mistaken for Jewish fairly often, something I don't dispute, especially at Christmas when the big fat toothless WalMart greeter is wearing a pair of antlers and hissing "Merry Chrithsmas!" at everyone.
My husband's favorite thing: When someone says "Happy New Year" Look right at them and say. "I'm Jewish." Almost everyone follows with "Oh, I'm sorry" Funny, funny, funny stuff.
I second the fertilizer idea. I used to know someone who would write BITCH in rivals' yards with fertilizer. Her brain decided it was comfy around the eighth-grade level and didn't bother progressing past it.
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