I threw the alumni office off my trail for awhile by sending them an updated address when I moved that was in reality an adult bookstore in Atlanta, as well as the phone number of the Republican Party Headquarters in Birmingham, Alabama. The motto of Ohio Northern University is "Ex diversitate vires," which is Latin for "out of diversity, strength." I thought two institutions whose members are 90% white and overwhelmingly affluent that both state the need for diversity would enjoy talking to each other. I'll bet they spoke for hours.
Eventually Ohio Northern University decided they needed to track me down to continue their futile quest for my money though, and a letter soliciting funds came to my mailbox today. I have no idea how they found me, but that's not the mystery I'm pondering tonight. What has me flummoxed is the luggage tag.
Along with the form letter that explained how easy it was to send money to Ohio Northern University but not why you would want to do so, was this exciting, to someone, offer:
Now You Can Include The College of Pharmacy in Your Travel Plans
Now, regardless of where you travel, you can show that you're the pride of the Raabe College of Pharmacy at Ohio Northern University! When you send us your business card, we'll laminate it, attach it to a strap and send it back ready to use -all compliments of the College of Pharmacy. Not only will you have something to identify your luggage, but wherever you go, a piece of ONU will journey with you! Simply mail us your business card to include ONU in your travel plans. Thanks for your support!
Whose idea was this? Why? That's what has me lying awake tonight. Why on earth did someone think giving away a luggage tag was the slightest bit worth doing? A couple of points make the mystery just a bit more unfathomable:
1) The luggage tag was in no way dependent on you sending in any money, say the way NPR will send you a coffee cup in return for $75. You could get the luggage tag and not send them a dime.
2) The luggage tag offer was not part of the form letter itself. It was printed on a separate card stuffed in the envelope, making it more expensive and time-consuming than you may realize.
This doesn't happen often my friends, but I am truly stumped. What is the purpose of the luggage tag?
I am embarrassed to have come from this place.
10 comments:
I am a recent alumni of ONU and vow to myself not to donate a dime until my student loans are paid off. Seeing how that won't be until I'm 105, they are not getting any money from me!!!!!! ONU is currently one of the most expensive pharmacy schools at a yearly rate of $36,990 for tuition, room and board! Of course, that doesn't count your books and lots and lots of beer that you need to get by in the cornfields. I wonder if they still have quarters at the Regal Beagle?
I currently attend the ONU college of pharmacy. I know you want to remain anonymous, but it'd be nice know which picture was your that hangs in RE and know there's a mole amongst the kings
I think they just want your business card so they can stalk you at work too. But hey, I'm crazy like that.
See, you'll eventually be worn down by the constant requests from the University for your hard-earned money, finding an unrelenting barrage of letters at both home and work, and will eventually just sign off several paychecks to them, thinking that will get them off your back and you'll be able to sleep again.
It won't work though... they'll send even more letters, as you are now marked as an easy target. BEWARE!
In A#$%&*stan, we gave out business cards to tribal chiefs with their name on it...they thought they were cool.
They would give out their cards to other chiefs...by examining the network of card exchanges, we could track people and their contacts. Often, dead Taliban guys would have many of the cards of our contacts.
It's a small world afterall...
So, if you send ONU your card, they have a mini-database on you.
Take your card to office depot, they'll laminate it in a luggage tag and give it back to you for 75 cents...they'll even throw in the loop for the luggage.
Don't fall for it. As soon as you send in your card they have all of your up to date contact info and will hound you for your hard earned $$. I have a letter from my alma mater that tells me how they have denied my application for a bursary and how I should decrease my expenses and consider work. Taking a full load of courses, I had no time, no life and all of my expenses were school. That beauty of a letter is framed by the phone. When the school starts calling and stupidly asks me how I am, I tell them I'm broke and I start reading the letter to them. >:)
My alma mater (Auburn University) was also able to track me down both times I moved and I didn't give them my new address either time. I think if Bush would use the services of the AU and ONU alumni offices, they would find Osama Bin Laden and the so-called "war on terror" would be over within a week. Unless, as you said, Osama promised to make huge donations to each University...
Tourette - YES they still have quarters at the Beagle :) Not that I can go yet, but soon......
Anonymous - not only do I want to see the composite in R-E...I want to know which frat DrugMonkey was in...then I can creep on those composites too... haha
And DrugMonkey...ONU obviously needs your money for the new pharmacy building. And new housing. And renovated dorms. And Kendall Baker probably wants to remodel his house, too. Just like they need to rape me out of $37,000 every year. Gay. But seriously, thank you for giving me hope. I like pharmacy, but I could do without all the douche bags....and apparently I'm not the only one hah! Your blog is great and is especially good for procrastination purposes...
Hope you enjoyed the day after New Year's as much as I did in the pharmacy today. And oh, I didn't realize that you needed my new insurance card. Are you sure the old one doesn't work still? The copay is $5 less. Thanks.
Not that I can go yet? What the hell is wrong with you kids these days? Back when I was at ONU, all you needed was a mailing label and some contact paper to get in the Beagle. You re-typed the info on the back of your student ID, changing the date of birth, covered up the correct info on the back, and sealed it with the contact paper. The Beagle would accept this as proper identification. I shit you not. I would hope they have wisened up by now, but in this age of the illegal immigrant, I'm sure there is still a way or two to acquire a fake ID.
The cornfields are full of chach-bags. No denying that. That'll never change.
It's quite upsetting, however, to know that I'll never be able to escape from the hell known as ONU, nor the wrath of its alumni office.
...And now I'm curious as to who you are, too...
Ahhhh,.....drugmonkey, sit back, sip one of your fabulicious...dirty Martini's and revel in your anonymity!!! By the way.....have u abandoned those vile, wicked Martini's for Scotch these days???? Say it isn't so!!!!
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