Friends, the karma-go-round has finally swung my way. I have never had and never will have again a day as awesome as this one. The middle sucked ass for all the usual reasons, but listen to how it started and ended:
I'm making my way through the parking lot in my usual caffeine craving haze this morning when I hear "THAT WAS MY SPACE!!!!" Looking over to my left, I see a wrinkly old woman reaching into someone's car through the window to bitch slap the driver. Sweet! Elderly road rage! But wait....it gets better.....upon closer inspection, I realize I know both combatants, as they are both regular customers. The bitch slapper is in a couple times a week to treat the world as her servant, and the bitch slapee is a 40ish nurse who never hesitates to act like she knows far more about her meds than anyone else on planet earth, only to have her husband call later that night to ask a question.
Are you getting this? Two shit-ass customers going at it right in front of the store! I couldn't lose!
Now I suppose I could have intervened in some way, called the shopping center security perhaps, but really, I think the only thing worse than getting bitch slapped by an 85-year old woman is having to be rescued from being bitch slapped by an 85 year old woman. I enjoyed the moment and went in to start the workday, thankful for the little gift fate had bestowed upon me.
After work I went over to the K-mart to buy some of what the K-mart specializes in so well; miscellaneous crap. I was still wearing my shirt and tie and all, and no doubt looked rather assistant manager like. This was confirmed when a random numbnut steps in front of me to demand to know where the batteries are.
"Fuck if I know" Was what the numbnut thought the assistant manager said to him. He's probably filing some sort of complaint with K-Mart headquarters as I type this.
BBBBWWWWHHHAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAA! Holy crap I'm in such a good mood I just might skip the scotch tonight.
6 comments:
*snicker*
Being saved from a little old lady would definitely be worse and something you could never live down.
Your blog makes me laugh. I added you to my blogroll...hope that's okay.
/jo, RN
DrugMonkey - I swear, you are the only thing getting me through 3rd year pharmacy...thank you for the pure joy you bring to me and my classmates...
Wow, little old lady slapping someone, that's something I'd certainly like to see. Brilliant blog by the way, it amuses me.
I had a similar experience in the mall last week. I too had a tie on an must have looked Macyish. An older guy came up to me and began speaking in tongues.
I said, "I don't know what you are saying to me."
He said, "I ready to checkout, you check me out."
I said, "no" and walked away.
Sadly, for me that type of amusement would have only lasted for a couple hours tops. I still would have had the scotch. Why not make a good day even better?
Ahhh, you got to witness the eclipse of a perfect allignment of karma. Truly a miracle of space and time DM.
It sounds like Jesus loved you more than just a little bit today. Hallelujiah.
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