Friday, November 28, 2008

Wal-Mart. Low Prices To Die For.

NEW YORK (AP) — A Wal-Mart worker was killed Friday when "out-of-control" shoppers desperate for bargains broke down the doors at a 5 a.m. sale. Other workers were trampled as they tried to rescue the man, and customers shouted angrily and kept shopping when store officials said they were closing because of the death, police and witnesses said.


So, I've thought a lot about dying ever since I got my pharmacy license, and up until today I would have said drowning would be the worst way to go.  Getting trampled by the type of people who get excited by a sale at Wal-Mart however, would definitely be worse than drowning.

Items on sale at the store included a Samsung 50-inch Plasma HDTV for $798, a Bissel Compact Upright Vacuum for $28, a Samsung 10.2 megapixel digital camera for $69 and DVDs such as "The Incredible Hulk" for $9.


Yeah, If I'm gonna get trampled, I would at least want to be trampled by people who like movies that don't suck. I suppose getting trampled by people who actually read books would be too much to ask.

In what I would nominate as the most insincere statement ever, Wal-Mart Senior Vice President Hank Mullany had this to say:

Despite all of our precautions, this unfortunate event occurred, our thoughts and prayers go out to the families of those impacted.


How eloquent and touching. Especially the part where the first thing mentioned is the (ineffective) precautions taken. I can only dream that my eulogy will be framed in such a way that seems to imply the thoughts and prayers going out to my family are mostly concerned that they will be open to a quick out of court settlement.

Civilization is doomed. That is a pretty good deal an a vacuum cleaner though.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

at least it didn't say to the families of those who were trampled. damnit opening the extra lanes didn't work...back to the table for next year

misbehavis said...

"Civilization is doomed." I agree. Humanity sucks. Living in the Philadelphia area, I was disgusted by my species when Phillies fans chose to loot and pillage in celebration of the World Series win. I realized that I am embarassed to be the same species as those people. Then I heard the Walmart story yesterday. Why do I have to belong to this species?

theangrypharmacist.com said...

I've been a huge fan of the idea of just bombing/gassing all of the Walmarts during the start of black Friday.

Unfortunately it would kill most of my patients, but it would clean up the gene pool a bit more.

Nana Jackie said...

The barbarians aren't at the gates. They are at the door, in the store. And they have preferred customer cards.
I weep for the family.

Frank, CPhT said...

Ya know, just when I think my faith in humanity can't die anymore, I read stories like this...

Once more I am left wondering, is there anything GOOD about humanity?

Anonymous said...

Another LOL post!! You sir make us laugh, and we thank you for that because it is one of the best things in life

Anonymous said...

this is awful. i have ZERO interest in ever getting up and waiting in line to grab a "steal" of a deal.

That poor worker. =(

The Ole' Apothecary said...

If they decide to make 'em get up at the cock's crow for $1 generics, then, just quit!

DKLA said...

I think my death will be a result of a pissed 'customer' at my Corpo-Pharmacy. Getting understaffed, underpaid to deal with crap flung our way, etc. It will only be a matter of time till someone goes postal (if it's me, at least a nice padded room is waiting...).

KINGER said...

the only surprise in the WalMart incident is how 2000 irresponsible unemployed drug addicted people can arrive EARLY for an event other than narcotic refills. The rest of us had to work that day or spent time with our families instead of buying that vacuum cleaner......And yes it was a great price damnit!

Megan said...

What I love most about this whole story is that once the poor worker got trampled, the customers REFUSED to leave! They firmly stated that they were NOT leaving, no way no how, because they had been on line since YESTERDAY; how DARE you suggest they leave.

It's exactly this sick sense of self-entitlement that makes me HATE working in Long Island (where this occured, incidentally...)

Rev. T. Monkey said...

"I would at least want to be trampled by people who like movies that don't suck. I suppose getting trampled by people who actually read books would be too much to ask."

Those people wouldn't trample you, though, because they have things to do in life other than salivate over the latest cheap-shit Chinese-made geegaws. We USAmericans are truly a repugnant lot, possessed of an infinite sense of entitlement and a bottomless void where the soul should be.

"So what if that temp worker is dead? I waited in line!"

The new customer rewards program at that store should feature a .22 to the back of the head. But I digress...

Linda said...

And of course, the family is suing Walmart. Not the people who trampled thier family memeber, (who wouldn't have money) but Walmart. While I feel that Walmart has some responsibility for setting the scene, Walmart did not make those people act like stampeding animals. Greed killed that man. I hope the cops can ID at least some of the people who stomped on that man and hold them responsible for their actions. And I hope they choked on the leftover turkey.

KC said...

Things like this make me forget I've been against mass liquidations; now the only problem I'd have with that is there aren't enough carrion scavengers in my region to clean up the landscape. And I'll be damned if I'm going to dig a fucking pool for each blimp of a diabetic Narwhal.

Ship all "Wal-Mart'ers" corpses to Africa, reintroduce cannibalism, and both continents will be happy.