Monday, July 02, 2007

Drug Topics: The Mockable Magazine Gift That Keeps On Giving.

An actual picture from an actual cover of the most widely circulated trade mag in the industry:


Pharmacy God: You came in just in time ma'am. I can see you are not well. I will help you. Yes. I will help you!

Customer:¿no es usted lejos de su jaula hombre asustadizo?
(aren't you a long way from your cage scary man?)

Pharmacy God: My God, it's worse that I feared. You obviously have a fever that is causing you to speak incoherently. You must take these cold pills for temporary symptom relief now! You must!

Customer:¿Dónde está el cuarto de baño? Vine solamente utilizar el cuarto de baño.
(Where is the bathroom? I only came to use the bathroom.)

Pharmacy God: Oh cruel fate! Damn you! You have given me unlimited knowledge of the world of mucus-thinning products, but have conspired to keep me from sharing this vital information with those who need it most!

Customer: pronto haré pis en su piso
(I will soon pee on your floor)

Pharmacy God: So....you can't understand me? Not a word? Then I must tell you something, although you will never know. I must tell you.

The customer stares at Pharmacy God with a look of increasing urgency in her eyes.

Pharmacy God: Your breasts. I will always admire your breasts. Now I fear we must part ways forever.

The customer then creates a puddle of urine on the store floor. The Pharmacy God is flattered. The urine remains on the floor for an hour until the store's intern returns from lunch. The intern was bilingual.

I however, am not. Any errors in translation should be blamed on babelfish

10 comments:

Kim said...

Ha, I remember seeing this picture in the magazine and laughing to myself. Something about the picture just wasn't right...now I see it was because the urine was photoshopped out. =)

Mother Jones RN said...

You missed your true calling, Drugmonkey. I think you should be writing for Saturday Night Live.

MJ

Pharmacy God said...

WTF? You're putting words in my mouth.

Although I have been known to stare at a boobie or two in my day.

Persi M said...

The intern speaks pretty good textbook Spanish, but the customer is from Podunkia, Mexico and speaks a funky blend of Spanish and Nahuatl.

The intern resorts to interpretive dance during the consult.

Anonymous said...

Drugmonkey,
How could you miss the fact that this is an person of Indian (not of the native american type). Hispanics never talk to pharmacists. You should know that. I put together a small monologue you might find fits the picture.

Hopeful Student:
Hi, my parents really want me to enter pharmacy. I hear you can make 100,000 a year. Can you give any advice to a young Indian girl? I work harder and am more motivated than the spoiled suburban white kids, what do I need to do to enter pharmacy school. I am a little chubby, but that is because I study so much not because I am addicted to the world of warcraft.

Pharmacist:
What? . . . . . I was just putting this box of matches that has a fake label on it back on the shelf. Although we used this for the photo shoot I had a customer leave it at the counter along with a bunch of other stuff when they were outraged that their generic med was going to be more than 4 bucks.

Hopeful student:
I hear that pharmacy school is beginning to mimic medical schools. There is even talk of requiring a residency after graduation.

Pharmacist:
Silly girl, I graduated back when all you needed was a bachelor’s degree. I am just biding my time for another 7 years when I can retire and get out of this god forsaken profession.

Hopeful Student:
I have already taken most of my prerequisites, any advice on getting into school?

Pharmacist:
When I applied they took anyone. I guess I would recommend that you take anger management course and learn everything there is to know about rashes, incontinence, and all the brands of the controlled drug especially Watson brand.

H Student:
Well, Ok I can’t wait. 4 years of hard work in school and then I get to cavort with the lowest lives on the planet and of course the drug addicts and of course all the corporate BS.

Tex in Nevada

DrugMonkey said...

Tex,

BBBWWWAAHHHAAAHHHAAAAHHAAAAA!!!

You are an honorary drugmonkey.

Anonymous said...

Geez,
Back at one of my old inner city stores. There were NO bathrooms for customers, so they were SOL. Too much shoplifting otherwise.

Anonymous said...

that photo looks like the beginning of a porno film.

Inner Dialog:

"I was just asking what to take for my post nasal drip. That is when I realized that pharmacist had taken off his pants."

-Fred
cphtlink.com

Anonymous said...

It wouldn't be the first time I had someone pee on the floor in the pharmacy!

Congaqween said...

You guys have it ALL wrong....cant u see it???? She's NOT even lookiing at the box of tampons he's holding, she's entranced by the guy's rug!!! It looks like his forehead is swelling as a result of holding that stupid fake grin ya gotta have in giving excellent customer service!!! Y'all pharmie's.....u have been warned.....!!!! LOL