Tuesday, July 03, 2007

So I Needed Some Earplugs Because It Was So Hot.

This may be less than obvious to those of you who don't live in my condo complex. You see, hot weather means sleeping with the windows open in my part of the country. Actual hot weather occurs so rarely here no one bothers with air conditioning. Hot weather also must bring out the amorous desires in my downstairs neighbors, who were fucking like animals on this warm summer night. Also with the windows open.

I admit it was cool at first. My neighbors wife is not an unattractive lady. After awhile though, her journeys to orgasm just served to remind me I wasn't getting any tonight while that fat slob of a husband of hers was. So I did what any reasonable person would do. I went to the Pharmacy America Trusts at 2 in the morning seeking something to stick in my ears to block out the sounds of copulation. I gotta give the fat slob credit. He can keep it going a long time.

It took me awhile to realize the store was eerily quiet. It was the middle of the night, and some eeriness is to be expected. The lack of human presence in this outpost of America's largest corpo-pharmacy chain continued as I approached the checkout counter however. Then I remembered the typical labor budget for these type of establishments. They may very well have scheduled no actual employees for a few hours in order to cut payroll costs. If this sounds odd to you, then obviously you do not have a business education. Cutting labor cost is the single most important function of any manager. Far more so than doing anything to increase sales. I remembered this and did the big "W" a favor by stuffing the earplugs in my pocket and walking out the door. The total labor cost to them of my visit was $0. I imagined the store manager doing a little happy dance upon hearing this news.

On the way out the door a homeless dude asked me for any spare change. I let him know no one was minding the store and there were things in there way better than spare change. I saw him go inside as I got in my car. I hope he didn't cost the store any labor dollars either.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Haha, nice!

Jenn Siva said...

This is why I dont miss apartment living. I used to be in the middle floor of a nice but older apartment building.

I had some cervix issue which made sex really painful, so I never did it.

But my upstairs neighbor, he looks like a starved african and she looked like a fried chicken fed southerner.

I guess they were too poor to buy a decent bed. At some points during the night/day/morning/lunchtime/anyfuckingtime, I almost wanted to give them money for a new bed.

At least he didnt have that much staying power, he could however get it up often I guess.

Mc RPh said...

Are you cutting into my profit sharing drugmonkey? Good for you! I say stick it to those assholes any chance you get... as long as you do a little shelf-facing on your way out.