Monday, July 09, 2007

Perhaps I Should Have Gone The Extra Year For My PharmD. Degree.


It wasn't the first question the customer had that stumped me. He said he was going to Yosemite and wanted to know what he should get in case he came across some poison oak. Wake me up out of the coma-like sleep you will likely find me in most days around noontime and I would be able to answer this one before fully waking; "Hydrocortisone cream and Claritin" So far so good.

It was the next question that stumped me. The customer now wanted to know about bears. Namely, what he could buy to prevent a bear attack. I seriously think he was convinced a bear might be waiting for him at the park's entrance station. I went over the options in my mind:


Tylenol- May be useful after an encounter with a bear. Like maybe if the bear knocked you down while he was running away from something else.

Benadryl- Not so much.

Milk of Magnesia- Not quick acting enough to distract a bear intent on mauling you for your picnic basket.

I briefly considered Neosporin, like maybe filling a bathtub full of it, before realizing that again, this would come into play post bear attack.

Even the new wonder drug Alli would be of little use. I don't think you'd need much help shitting your pants if you were face to face with a bear.

In the end I advised the customer, who I should add was doing his camping at the Yosemite Lodge, that the best course of action would be to take basic precautions to minimize the likelihood of a bear encounter, like not keeping any trash in your car, and sticking to places bears are likely to avoid, like the area around Yosemite Lodge, which when I was there had the feel of midtown Manhattan with a waterfall in the backyard.

The customer and I both ended the conversation with the feeling we had just talked to one of the stupidest people on earth. I really should have gone for the PharmD.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes, you should have. The PharmD types make mad bank!

Anonymous said...

What I want to know is...why do people think pharmacists know stuff like this? Sure, in my spare time I'm a survivalist...you need some "Bear B Gone" I think you can get it at Gander Mountain. Yeah...that's where to get it.

Anonymous said...

This bozo thought that there was some sort of "Deep Woods OFF!" repellent for BEARS?

See, it's idiots like that who really should be culled from the herd. By grizzlies.

I would have been tempted to tell him to carry marshmallows in his pockets and douse himself liberally with eau de smoked salmon to keep those pesky predators away.

Leo Green said...

S&W .500 revolver, or something in .454 casull is good for bear attacks, unless he's going to carry a high powered rifle with him.

Dave said...

the "wildlife avoidance" therapeutics module was in that extra 6th year of pharm school and let me tell you, i don't know where i'd be without it.

Pharmacy Mike said...

The most amazing part of that story is how you could possibly counsel that customer with a straight face. I would have burst out laughing.

Pamnesiac said...

Hahahaha, oh man that was a good laugh.

Lesliepop said...

There is a product called Bear Spray (rhymes with hairspray, haha) that is a lot like mace. I don't know where we found it, but bought it when we moved into the foothills here in Southern Cal. We do have bear encounters, mainly around the trash cans. But seriously, I'd never want to be close enough to use it.

I think you should have a sign like Lucy's on your little window-- Advice 25 cents.

Pepperpourri said...

Oh my God, I was laughing like crazy while reading this.

Hey, DrugMonkey, on a positive note, customers think pharmacist have ALL the answers.

Unknown said...

The best bear avoidance advice I can give is to buy a plane ticket to Bermuda. Thank God I got the PharmD, so I would know that. Just mind the spiders.

As an aside, one of our profs did a cost analysis on getting out with a BS (make 100 k a year right away), or spend an extra 20 k and make nothing for that extra year. And how long it would take to make up the money you lost. The smart kids left after 5 years.

LD50 Rat said...

Should have told him bacon grease. Lots of it. Bears just hate it. Rub some in your hair ala mohawk. Use it like sunscreen.

Was a bath tub of scotch used after work?

LD50 Lab Rat

Anonymous said...

Well, I got my PharmD, and I must have ditched OTC class the day they covered bear-attack prophylaxis.

Jenn Siva said...

Um, the BS in nursing taught me those basics! Obviously you chose the wrong healthcare profession.