But anyway, this woman did not make footballs, so naturally the small talk centered around Ohio Northern University, which was the institution that was foolish enough to grant me a degree in pharmacy during an era when computers weren't advanced enough to verify a student had actually taken all required prerequisite classes. It went something like this....
Me: "Blah blah blah.....boring ONU small talk.......blah blah blah" Talk about ONU is unavoidably boring.
She: "Well we have a McDonald's now, after David Letterman mentioned on his show that we were the college campus furthest from one"
Me: "Really? We had Larry Bud Melman on campus once when I was there"
I was starting to perk up now. It had been a long time since I had thought of Larry Bud Melman and God I missed him.
Blank stare. Total blank stare. A blank stare that was the beginning of a shock I have yet to recover from.
"He was a regular on Letterman's show back when he was on at 12:30"
Incomprehension. I might as well have been speaking in tongues.
I walked back into the happy pill room slightly stunned. My keystone tech would help me out. My keystone tech always bails me out.
"Do you remember Larry Bud Melman?"
"You know who David Letterman is...."
"I think so.....the one who's not Jay Leno"
"You know he used to be on at 12:30"
"You remember Johnny Carson....."
I looked around the store. Desperately. I mean, I know I'm getting old, but a lot of the stuff I liked when I wasn't old is still generally recognizable by the public. I just heard someone talking about fucking Fonzie the other day and Larry Bud Melman was better on his worst day than Fonzie ever was in his wet dreams. There was a time, my friends, when I would have been constantly surrounded by people hip to Larry Bud Melman, and now, as I looked around, I didn't see a soul I had any confidence would know the name. Larry has slipped off the earth and I failed to notice.
Or else Larry hasn't. I know I could put Larry Bud Melman into the Google, but if I do, and Larry isn't there, that means I'm not just old, but that I've gone insane. Toast on a stick. Melman Bus Lines. It might all be just in my head, and if it is, I can't take the risk of finding that out. This night I find myself quite possibly clinging to what could be the final facade of my sanity.
By the way, that wasn't a random expletive thrown in there in front of Fonzie. The person was actually talking about having sex with the former sitcom icon.
At least in my head they were. I think.
Update 12/29: Thank you dear readers, for assuring me that I am not insane. Maybe I should rephrase that. For assuring me Larry Bud Melman existed somewhere outside my head. You gave me the courage to venture onto the YouTube and dig this up. You are missed Larry.
As are you Mr. Letterman. All the more so because you're still around.