We may disclose your health care information to the following entities and/or under the given circumstances......
.......to contact the patient for the purpose of fundraising.
So, after raping you with a price tag of over a hundred bucks for 30 generic Ambien tablets available on drugstore.com for $17.99, my employer reserves the right to contact you for fundraising purposes.
Say what you want to about my employer, but they do not lack in the chutzpah department.
My favorite entity and/or circumstance in which your healthcare information may be disclosed however, is this:
-to authorized federal officials so they may provide protection to the president, other authorized persons, or foreign heads of state.
Why the hell was it considered necessary to write this into my store's HIPAA policy? In my fantasy world it would be necessary to include this in my HIPAA policy....
Fade to dream sequence here.....
Secret Service: DRUGMONKEY! We need your help!! The well being of the president is at stake!!
Drugmonkey: Are you high? I told you no early Soma refills.
Secret Service: WE ARE NOT JOKING AROUND!! We must know if Ali Al-HusseinCheney has had a prescription for Viagra filled at this store! We have reason to believe he may be planning a sodomy attack in the oval office!
Drugmonkey: A sodomy attack on George Bush?
Secret Service: Yes!
Drugmonkey: Hmmm.....well.... if the anal integrity of the president of the United States is at stake....
The Drugmonkey then punches up Al-HusseinCheney's profile on the store's computer and sees 500 Viagra tablets have been dispensed to him over the last month.
Drugmonkey: Doesn't look like we've ever filled anything for him here.....
There has to be a reason they put that in the HIPAA policy. Hope springs eternal my friends.
10 comments:
Probably has to do with why the pseudoephedrine purchasing requirements were written into the freakin' Patriot Act. You know the ones... the requirements that make it harder for a customer to buy over-the-counter cold medicine than prescription amphetamines. There's nothing backward about that at all.
ROFL
METH is a serious problem... gotta fight it somehow
Hmm... Desoxyn 5mg tab Sig ii po BID #120. Less hassle at the pharmacy than Sudafed. And Desoxyn is methamphetamine HCl. Meth is a serious problem for sure, but the current regulations are bass-ackwards.
God I miss PPA.
Not only is Desoxyn methamphetamine, but so is the Vicks inhaler, and you can get that OTC without even signing anything. (OK, so it's levo-methamphetamine, which is less centrally active, and they've dropped it from 198mg to 50mg at some time in the not-too-distant past, but still. I'm surprised I don't see methheads trying to make tea out of the pledget in there.)
I miss PPA as well. PSE never did anything for me except keep me awake, and it gives me PVCs besides. I have maybe 10 tablets of Propagest left (expires 10/02) for a special occasion; meantime I make do with phenylephrine. I was getting that on Rx before it was even OTC -- look up "Ah-Chew-D" (no kidding, that's really its name) for details. Dunno if they're still making that now that Sudafed-PE is available.
I also miss phenindamine. Haven't had a decent antihistamine since Amarin went under.
The "anal integrity of the president" is the only integrity he has left! We must save it at all cost!
@ madam z -- ROFL!
@ shalom -- Sounds like we're a lot alike. PSE barely does anything. PE? Forget it. PPA? Beautiful. (I kept some for a long time, too.) As for antihistamines, I'm still using Atarax and occasionally Chlor-Trimeton. I was getting decent results from Periactin until my psychiatrist said, "Um... That's what they use in the ER to treat serotonin syndrome. You're counteracting your antidepressants." I even tried -- get this -- Palgic. Not so effective.
Thank Buddha that none of them make me drowsy. It's a double-edged sword, though; not even chloral hydrate knocks me down, and I have some pretty nasty insomnia, so I'm crap outta luck. The pharmacy always has to call my psychiatrist to double-check my benzo scripts because they're written for double the max.
Isn't chloral hydrate just a little unpredictable?
Just because it was the proverbial straw that broke Anna Nicole Smith's back doesn't make chloral hydrate unsafe. ;-) Seriously, though... Not something that should be marketed OTC. I can just see it now: Parents mistaking the chloral hydrate for cough syrup and offing the little ankle biters.
What if AlHusseinCheney has an angina attack from the, um, rigorous activity? His nitro pills will interact with the Viagra and...oh, wait...Drugmonkey, you're a genius! Two birds with one stone!
"Are you high? I told you no early Soma refills."
Nope. No early Soma refills.
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