Can't you just hear the woman who looks incredibly like David Bowie saying in that deadly serious, deep voice of hers,
"Mrs. Smith......I don't know how to tell you this......but....I'm afraid it's.....DRY MOUTH. We'll get through this.....I want you to know Mrs. Smith, I'm here to help you....every step of the way.
The pharmacist looks far more upset at this turn of events than Mrs. Smith. Maybe that's because Mrs. Smith is unable to talk with no spit in her mouth.
So when people ask what I do for a living I tell them I'm an astronaut. It's really easier to fake being one than you might think. I mean how many people do you know who have been to outer space? So there's no way they know I'm lying when I start quoting random things I remember from the movie The Right Stuff. Most people are awed into silence, women seem intimidated, most likely from the powerful sexual imagery that thoughts of a rocket moving upwards at full throttle put into their subconscious mind. Once a guy tried to start something with me by insisting the moon landing was staged in a Hollywood studio, but when I let him in on the secret that the Earth was actually flat like a Frisbee, he ended up buying me a couple drinks.
It's not always easy being a fake astronaut, but at least in that world I've never had deal with a unique approach to saliva replacement.
11 comments:
That's wonderful, Drugnazi. Finally, a man who can accept that "faking it" is just a natural part of life. We should go out for drinks sometime.
Ha Ha! I usually start with "oh, I work in a hospital" and then everyone assumes I'm a nurse and that conversation ends there. I don't like owning up to the truth because then everyone wants to show me their rash or explain in public what their quetiapine is for.
Check out my blog at
http://my.opera.com/thestatpharmacist/blog
I hope I can make it interesting.
ciao,
tsp
I tell people that I'm a "monkey aficionado".
No, really. I have business cards that say that.
My tagline?
"I like monkeys."
Actually, the evil and creepy pharmacist from Desperate Housewives (now of course deceased) is pretty much what I would think of.
The "Desperate Housewives" guy was certainly a boon for our image, but one I fear will be forgotten all too soon. I even wrote at the time how happy I was that someone had finally figured out the correct way to poison a person.
I wonder if I might christen myself an assistant monkey aficionado? Full Money Aficionado somehow seems like too much responsibility.
I read this when I first woke up and I thought that woman pharmacist was a man. And why is that old lady standing there with her eyes closed looking blind?!
The sedating antihistamine that caused her xerostomia affected her glaucoma...
I tell people I'm a plumber, and point to my plumber's teeshirt.
They then proceed to tell me that my arse isn't fat enough to be a plumber...
Then I tell them I'm a pharmacist, and then they don't believe me either...
Pure brilliance
It almost makes you pine for the days when the pharmacists portrayed in advertising and the media were all wizened old white-haired guys with thick glasses. Nice to see the white coat is still our chosen fashion accessory, though. (I've never worn one outside of pharmacy school).
Looking at this photo again, are you absolutely positive this is a woman? The hair is ambiguous. There seems to be a hint of the adam's apple. And her body seems to lack what I would call, er... "feminine curves". I know she's wearing a medical coat, but there should be some hint of something there, right?
In the immortal words of Austin Powers, "It's a man, baby!"
For what it's worth, no one has ever asked me any question about monkeys. Of course, it's possible that they are not taking my position as a monkey aficionado seriously. That pains me.
Upon further review of the original picture, I see the he/she is wearing earrings, that adams apple thing I think is the tendon that sticks out in your neck if you turn your head the right way, & the hair is long and pulled back. I'm thinking if the hair were set free it would be shoulder length.
It really could go either way though. Knowing how those in charge of things can fuck them up, I can totally see the bigshot running the photo shoot deciding at the last minute that they needed a woman pharmacist for the picture, and having only a male model, slapping some earrings on him and going with it.
I never tell people that I'm a pharmacist. They always want to show me the rash in the folds of their icky fat or ask if the little itchy bugs are crabs. (This actually happened, I kid you not). I've never actually come up with a profession that people don't ask about...perhaps I will adopt monkey aficionado.
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