I Never Realized Just How Much Of A Badass I Am. You Want A Piece Of Me Punk?

I admit it. Sliding pills across a plastic tray all day long can get a bit boring. So to help pass the time I'll occasionally come up with little projects to keep my mind occupied. Today for instance, as I swung open the gate to start the day's prescription action, I decided to keep track of how long it would be until a customer came to the counter that I judged I couldn't take in a fight.

Much to my surprise, I made it through the whole damn day. I could have taken them all.

Old ladies? They don't want none of me.

Mr. Early Vicodin refill? Hell, he'd probably pay me to kick his ass so he could go running to the urgent care for an upgrade to Norco.

Asthmatics? Please.

The only doubt came at around 2 o'clock with the 300 pound diabetic. As I took a good look at him, I realized the traditional kick to the nads might not work, as there was so much overhang from his belly I was pretty sure the family jewels were protected by a substantial fat layer. In the end I decided the "rope a dope" strategy made famous by Muhammed Ali would be the way to go. It took George Foreman 8 rounds to punch himself weary in the "Rumble In The Jungle", but looking over the diabetic, I knew five, ten seconds max and I would be ready to move in for the kill.

Other than that it was never even close. I am the Mike Tyson of pharmacy. To the old and sick of America I say only............. you have been warned.