Monday, December 15, 2008

Highlights From Friday's Pill Counting Action.

The day always starts with the checking of voice mails left from the previous night. There were six on the machine. Five of them were from my neighbor. I can look out of my kitchen window and see my neighbor's front door, and she can look out of her's and see my car in the parking lot. All five of the messages wanted to know if we were open yet. Because it's way easier evidently to navigate my employer's voicemail labyrinth than it is to look out of your window to see if I've left for work yet. Surprise! She wanted to pick up some Norco

If anyone out there knows a good Realtor, please drop me a line. 

The sixth voice mail message was, in it's entirety, "I just need my Premarin filled, that's the only message I have" That was every bit of information someone out there thought I needed to fill their prescription. So I just filled some random person's  Premarin and declared mission accomplished. 

The first written prescription of the day was for Tobradex, which Tricare, the entity responsible for protecting the health of those we've hired to snuff out the health of others, seems to believe is available in a generic form. It is not. Woe to the pharmacist who gets a prescription for Tobradex that is to be billed to Tricare, that is all I can say. Although navigating the Tricare, ahem, "help" desk is a good way to kill an hour. If only I could look out of my window at home and see the people of Tricare in the parking lot. 

First numbnut question of the day came during the hour I was doing battle with the entity that covers the people who do battle; "WHERE ARE THE COTTON BALLS????" screamed in the ear that wasn't on hold. 

"Aisle two, under the sign that says cotton balls"

The customer then thanked me for insulting them. Be very careful about pulling this maneuver my friends, and don't ever do it unless you have the security of a pharmacist license. 

The community college dropout who runs the cash office gave us a register drawer with no nickels, thereby providing a clue as to why he didn't make the community college cut. "We need change in the pharmacy" called my trusty technician.

Someone tried to phone in a fake prescription for Vicodin with instructions "must last one month" I thought that was a nice touch. 

Actual question from an actual customer: "Yeah, on this painkiller here, it says to take 1 or 2 every 6 hours, how will I know when I should take 2?" 

Think that was the dumbest question I had all day? Not even close. Here's the days winner:

"This label says to take 1 tablet. How do I take 1 tablet?"

I shit you not. I spent a good week memorizing the Krebs cycle some time in 1990 so I could be prepared to tell someone how to take a tablet. 

"We need change in the pharmacy" called out my technician.

I was once again given a demonstration that my lingual skills are not nearly cunning enough as the old Hispanic man showed me a box of Monistat and asked "Will she still be a lady?" 

I really didn't think the old man thought the Monistat was some sort of over the counter sex change device, but I was without a clue as to what he was trying to ask, until my trusty technician stepped in. "He wants to know if she'll still be a virgin" she said. I should have known, as the word "Monistat" does translate loosely into Spanish as "filthy cum-drenched whore" 

Customer to me: "Do you have a fever? You look like you have a fever." They then moved on down the aisle, never giving me a chance to tell them if I had a fever or not. 

My trusty technician once again called for change in the pharmacy, but change did not come, the only result of her pleas were that they brought nickels and ones and pennies, but not once did they bring any fundamental change, so it looks like I am destined for more of the same tomorrow. 

Stick with the Gyne-Lotrimin if you want to maintain your virginity.


17 comments:

Stavros69 said...

I customer to a male pharmacist, "Do you have cotton balls?"
Pharmacist replied, "Do I look like a Teddy Bear?

Liberal said...

Krebs cycle. Nice touch.

Anonymous said...

Some people believe female virgins cannot use tampons and, so probably no vaginal suppositories, either.

Anonymous said...

haha hahaha that's my favorite thing to do when someone asks me where something is!! "where are the tooth brushes?" "under the sign that says dental needs!" then I think hmmm I needed a PharmD for that one!????

Anonymous said...

LOLLOL you are so awesome. I just got home from work. Some guy Asked me as I was trying to consult "WHERE ARE THE RAZORS??!!?" to which I replied, "I don't know, let me look over here on the store index" (which is posted at the end of every aisle for customers to use. I think he got my point, because he studied it for a good 10 minutes after that. You have to teach a man to fish drugmonkey... only then will he leave you alone for a lifetime

The Ole' Apothecary said...

DM, you have just written your best post yet. Frame yourself a copy, and give it to as many pharmacy students as you can. This is a classic pharmacy blogpost.

Anonymous said...

Too funny! I'm a dentist who just stumbled across your blog....."must last a month" gets my vote for originality.
I may or may not spend the next hour reading the rest of your posts. :)

Anonymous said...

The Krebs Cycle. :)

Aaron V. said...

I would love to see the day when someone actually asks you a question in reference to the Krebs cycle...

Poor Acetyl CoA, never gets the respect it deserves...

Anonymous said...

Master of All Things Pharmacy,

I hope the Scotch bottle was waiting for you at the front door after all that happy horseshit.

Silly you...don't you know the teen tards think they can do all the anal you want and still be considered a "virgin".

*boggle*

LD 50 Lab Rat

Phrustrated Pharmacist said...

I would like to complement your 'Monkeytracks' (feel free). I never thought I'd encounter another person who listens to such an eclectic mix of music. Aside from a few straglers, it's my iPOD. Kudos (not the granola bar, though they are delicious - and all we have time to eat) on the music. Cum-drenched whore? Chuckle.

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

Phrustrated,

I always wondered if anyone ever actually listened to the playlist.

Anonymous said...

I've listened to your music as well, you like good stuff. So I've recently been trying your strategy of sending people who ask me where stuff is as far away as possible and it seems to be working out pretty well

Alex said...

I always wonder if anyone else remembers the Krebs cycle :-)

great post... keep the pill counting action coming!

Judy H. said...

How to take one tablet: Go to the stationary aisle. Pick up a pad of paper. Just one, mind you. Stick it under your coat. Leave without paying.

Anonymous said...

I love some of the questions people ask. someone asked to speak to me, was told to wait for about 10 minutes while i checked scripts, only to ask me which toilet roll was softer. wow, my staff even asked if it was something they could help with.

The flip side of that is the people that phone up and ask you really serious, sensible questions that are worrying them, and then apologise profusely for wasting your time, they make me laugh to.

James Good said...

An old woman needed to speak to me the other day on the phone. She needed desperately to know how to clean on dusty Styrofoam plates.... didn't remember that one from pharmaceutics...