Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Finally, Someone Steps Up With Concrete Action To Take On This Nation's Health Care Crisis

Insurance for insurance. I swear I am not making this up:

For these economically uncertain times, the UnitedHealth Group has a “first of its kind” product: the right to buy an individual health policy at some point in the future even if you become sick.

Called UnitedHealth Continuity, the product is not actual medical insurance, but is aimed at people who may have insurance now but are worried they may lose it — and may not be able to obtain replacement insurance on their own.

People who are already sick will generally not be eligible for the new product. Those who do pass a medical review, will pay 20 percent each month of the current premium on an individual policy to reserve the right to be insured under the plan at some point in the future.

Dear Mr. Smith,

Thank you for your recent insurance insurance application. We at UnitedHealth Group realize you have a choice in insurance insurance companies, and are delighted you chose us for your insurance insurance needs. In order to get the most out of your new insurance insurance policy, keep these tips in mind:

- Your insurance insurance benefits will be greatly reduced if you choose an insurance company not in our Preferred Network. Insurance companies that work with insurance insurance plans such as UnitedHealth Continuity negotiate lower rates, which helps keep costs down for everyone.

- Should you choose to buy an actual insurance plan, you must call our pre-approval desk at 1-800-DENIED!. Failure to call before buying an actual insurance policy will reduce your benefits.

-Breathing or failing to breathe will also reduce your benefits, as will blinking your eyes.

-Please bear in mind that we are not your actual insurance company, and are responsible only for denying your claims for insurance. Actual insurance claim denials are someone else's problem. Yours most likely. Any problems you may have with prescription drug claims however, are solely the fault of the pharmacist on duty when you try to pick up your prescription.

Thank you again for making a desperate effort to obtain some sort of care through the American health system. While we assure you this effort will be entirely futile on your part, it has contributed toward a successful fiscal third quarter for our company, and we think the pride you can feel at having become a vital part of our free-enterprise healthcare system is a great first step towards the healthy lifestyle you seek.

Please accept this free body mass index refrigerator magnet as a token of our appreciation. Sucker.

Sincerely,

Unitedhealth Group.

I don't have to tell you that letter is made up. But you know it or something similar to it is coming. At what point my friends, do we finally admit this is fucking insane? Insurance....was invented.....to protect you from a catastrophic event that could wipe you out financially. Fire. Flood. Smacking into someone with your car by accident. And now, the catastrophic event you must be protected against.....

is having to buy insurance.

At what point do we finally admit this is insane?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

insurance to get insurance?....take the money and run

Anonymous said...

Amazingly, I understood practically every word of this BS policy. (I'm sorry, that the confounding deficit factor was missing--it would've made the example dramatically more realistic...y'know, in the style of whatsername Shirley who wrote 'The Lottery'? ;) All good points, like is usual 'state of health' something to be catastrophically averted?

Anonymous said...

Insurance is for suckas! Just be invincible... no worries then. Seriously though, this country pays by far the most for health care and gets crappy results on life expectancy compared to other countries who pay way less. Just went to a CE lecture all about this. The cost of healthcare is gonna bust Medicare and Medicaid right the fuck up!! and not to long from now

Anonymous said...

I guess it's kinda like buying options (as in, stock options), except for this you have to pay a monthly fee... which makes it not so much like buying options.

It will be interesting to see if this actually becomes a successful product, though.

Phathead said...

The American public has become increasingly paranoid and selfish. This merely reaffirms that thought.

God forbid people actually may have to struggle in life.

Nicole said...

Insurance on INSURANCE?!?! That is beyond repulsive. Katie sent me to your blog after she read my health insurance company post on my blog:
Modern Day Pirates

Katie Schwartz said...

Sick, sick, sick -- literally and figuratively.

Insurance companies aren't reimbursing the insured or doctors, so doctors are asking for money up-front (I don't blame them). Fewer and fewer prescriptions are covered by insurance. You can lose your insurance for benign shit.

I'm so glad you posted this DrugMonkey.

I'm infuriated as hell about this shit.

Def check out Crionaberry's post, too. You will appreciate it hard!

Anonymous said...

I work for that company and they better give me a damn good raise this year if this is what they are doing now!