Thursday, November 29, 2007

I Really Don't Want To Blow My Back Door Santa Wad Tonight.

It's still early in the season, and it just doesn't feel right yet. I think the time for Back Door Santa is yet to come.

I suppose I should probably explain.

Back in the carefree days when presidents struggled to define the word "is" and not the word "torture," I found an old vinyl copy of "A Very Special Christmas", an album put together to benefit a charity of some sort, at my favorite thrift shop. I bought it for only one reason, the prospect of hearing Jon Bon Jovi sing a song called "Back Door Santa." The thought of Jon Bon Jovi as a Back Door Santa was frighteningly alluring.

Jon did not disappoint. The tune is delightfully horrible. It's an old Blues number redone in 80's hairband excess, right down to the piped-in fake crowd noise. Every time I hear the opening power keyboard riff, I never fail to laugh non-stop for a good four minutes. It's unintentionally hilarious, which is the worst way to suck.....if you're a band. Jon sounds like he's taking himself so seriously in the song, I honestly wonder if he knew how the words "Back Door Santa" could be interpreted, and that at the time he totally looked like a girl. He still kinda does.

At any rate, "Back Door Santa" became a holiday tradition around the Drugmonkey household. It started with a girlfriend who would only consent to listen to the song one time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Naturally, I would try to pick the time that would produce maximum annoyance, which is probably part of the reason she is now an ex-girlfriend. She's long gone, but the tradition of the once-annual playing of Back Door Santa remains. Yes, I could listen to Back Door Santa whenever I want to now, but that would be like eating turkey every day. The holidays should stand for something dammit.

So anyway, today I realized we are now in the post-Thanksgiving period, and I really wanted to fire up the turntable. Part of me though, felt like the time wasn't quite right. I'm thinking there will be a better time for Back Door Santa, although I cannot tell you when that might be. My gut is telling me to hold off for now.

I just did a google image search. Jon Bon Jovi still totally looks like a girl

8 comments:

Pete said...

We have the Christmas carols blasting through the Muzak in the Pharmacy - one of the selections is Cindy Lauper's "Feel's Like Christmas" one of the songs - The World Is Stone - ol Cindy gets me laughing because the warbling and screeching is so high.... Customers refuse to believe its a Christmas Album

I think I'm going to throw the disc away....

Mother Jones RN said...

In an effort to be politically correct, the Most Wonderful Hospital in the World does not allow hospital employees to play Christmas carols at the nurses station. They do, however, adorn the hospital Christmas tree that’s located in the main lobby with ornaments that are supposed to represent multiple ethnic cultures. I think our Muslim friends would declare a jihad on our hospital administrator if they knew what was on that freaking tree.

Anonymous said...

Ease into "Back Door Santa" with his stunningly awful "R2-D2, We Wish You A Merry Christmas" from the Star Wars Christmas album.

Elizabeth said...

I once read a story on a message board about a bunch of Vietnamese high school boys who wanted to start a band like the Backstreet Boys. The poster had managed to convince them to name themselves the Back Door Boys. A totally inappropriate and juvenile prank - but I laughed my butt off.

Romius T. said...

the one song i want to hear you dont have playing...comeon monkey get with it!!

kario said...

If you like "Back Door Santa", you've got to find a copy of an AC/DC cover band doing their own version of Julie Andrews' "My Favorite Things." They include such delights as: 'Penthouse apartments and twelve in a hot tub
Drinking Jack Daniels while getting a backrub
Little gold chains pinned to brass nipple rings
These are a few of my favorite things'

Hmm, methinks I'll get that CD out right now. Thanks for the reminder!

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

Romius,

Posing the tune would break my one listen a year rule. Back Door Santa would never be the same. I'm sure you understand.

I also know as a communist, you would have no problem with Limewire. You're working now, and will soon be able to afford a computer of your own.

It will be worth the wait my friend.

Season said...

I had never in my life heard "Back Door Santa," but when I got in my car today after work it was on XM 6.

It was not the Jon Bon Jovi version, but made me laugh just the same.

I almost hit a lady trying to take a picture of the screen with my phone.