Words I Never Thought I Would Write. I Agree With The Actions Of A Political Appointee Of The Bush Administration.

I feel confused. Disoriented. Like the life force that provides certainty for the universe has been altered. I fear the very nature of time/space may never be the same again.

It all started simply enough. An AP wire story about the latest shenanigans of Big Pharma:

WASHINGTON (AP) - Legislation aimed at speeding the availability of cheaper generic drugs has stalled in Congress in the face of major lobbying by the drug industry.

The Senate bill would ban most settlements known as "reverse payments," in which a brand-name company pays a generic manufacturer to delay the introduction of the generic drug.

Allow me to bring out the "Bullshit Exposure Through Dramitization Players" to illustrate what's happening here.

Generic Drugmakers: Oh Big Pharma, can't we just get along? Why, when your patent runs out for a medicine, must we sue each other for years instead of competing in the marketplace? Can't we just play by the rules and both earn a legitimate profit?

Big Pharma: There, there little guy. You think our lawyers are mean when they sue each other, but really they are doing us both a favor. Yes, you could make a billion dollars selling a generic version of our drug for 70% less than what we charge, but that would involve you actually doing work. When we sue each other, we can settle, and I can pay you three quarters of a billion dollars to do nothing. We both win.

Generic Drugmakers: But what about the American people, who will continue to have to pay whatever you want to charge for access to this medicine?

(30 seconds of silence)

Big Pharma: Here's a big check.

Generic Drugmakers: You are wise and just Big Pharma.

Ho-hum. Big Pharma acting like corporate asses to the determent of the American consumer. What else is new? Hang with me though, here's where we start to go through the looking glass:

The Federal Trade Commission, which has called on Congress to take action, says such settlements could cost American consumers billions of dollars.

Federal Trade Commission? That's the executive branch. The branch headed by......doing something against the interests of Big .......nnnnnnaaaawwwww.....

I double checked.

The FTC has called on Congress to pass legislation to crack down on the reverse payment settlements, although it hasn't endorsed any specific bill.

"Such settlements restrict competition at the expense of consumers, whose access to lower-priced generic drugs is delayed, sometimes for many years," FTC Chairwoman Deborah Platt Majoras said in testimony before a House task force in September.

Deborah Platt Majoras is most assuredly an appointee of George The Lessor. And hot enough that I would probably do her if I were a little more drunk than I am right now. There has to be an explanation for this presidential appointee taking a stand in favor of the people of this country. Here are my best theories:

1) Deborah Platt Majoras showed up at FTC headquarters, read their mission statement, and didn't realize it was bullshit. Since her job doesn't involve blowing anything up or killing anyone, no one else in the administration really notices anything she does.

2) Generic drug manufacturers have agreed to use part of their profits to finance the war in Iraq.

3) I am on acid.

Only time will tell I suppose. I vote for #2, although I cannot completely rule out #3.

Tomorrow I shall look to the west to anticipate the sunrise.