Wednesday, December 10, 2008

File This Under The "Might Not Be The Best Idea" Department.

I swear I'm not making this up. I always tell you guys when I'm making stuff up:

The developers of a conceptual, ergonomic 9mm handgun -- designed for people crippled by arthritis, muscular dystrophy, or similar conditions that render them too weak to operate normal handguns -- hope it will eventually be considered a Class 1 Medical Device.


"That's pretty fucked up" I hope you're saying to yourselves. And you'd be right.

 "But ultimately pretty harmless" you may also be saying. You would be wrong:

If the gun were designated as a medical device, doctors could eventually write prescriptions for it and then be reimbursed by Medicare.


Now....I know I've fantasized about keeping a large cache of firearms in my happy pill room for many a year now, but my plan was always to use them on my customers, not to give them to them. 47 million people have no health coverage at all in this country and we're seriously looking at the possibility of spending taxpayer health care dollars for some that do...... on providing them with guns.

Which tells me the way to a minimally acceptable health care system in The United States may be through the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. I must be drunk.

Or the person at the FDA who took this application seriously must be drunk.

Or both.

19 comments:

Jake Mock said...

and just in time for Christmas!! How thoughful...

Anonymous said...

Where in the world do you come up with all these crazy ideas, Drug Monkey. This has got to be one of the freakiest flights of fantasy ever.

Stavros69 said...

What about a quadriplegics right to own a firearm? This gun will not help them. Medical funds need to be diverted to develop a gun for them.

Rev. T. Monkey said...

Insurance insurance? Medicare for pistols?

Do we really need any more evidence that we USAmericans are loony?

carniboy said...

now we won't just be robbed for our oxycontin, but for our firearms as well. yay!

Anonymous said...

It's so hard to find a gun to fit your needs these days. I wanna go back to school to be an arms prescribing physician. Take this assault rifle with specially designed medical trigger home and call me in the morning

Jake Mock said...

Also, you should read these two articles from the great state of Nebraska:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/09/18/national/main3271308.shtml

http://omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10506094

If there's two things Nebraskans don't like, it's got to be God and macaroni!!

Frank, CPhT said...

Man, if they start selling guns at retail pharmacies, I might have to go work for Walgreens again! I may hate retail, but the possibility of having legal firearms behind the counter when the hopped-up oxy seeker comes a-callin' just makes things seem a little more comforting... Although I suppose the job might be slightly jeapordized by a high mortality rate...

On Second thought, I'll stick to the hospital. Less temptation that way :-P

Anonymous said...

this might make it worse for us for violent crime because of escalation, now we have guns, they will have bigger guns in an itchy and scratch like race. how about a gun for the blind next, like a 360 degree blunderbuss to garantee hitting the target?

Erin said...

Ah, DM, you know the racket...the money must be in the ammunition....just like the blood sugar monitors.

Anonymous said...

I am speechless...Please tell me this is some kind of late April Fool's joke.

Mother Jones RN said...

God, what a money maker. Why didn't I think of that!

Nana Jackie said...

"On Second thought, I'll stick to the hospital. Less temptation that way :-P"

The temptation is still there, it just requires more creative thinking to imagine acting on it. Like loading exploding dye packs in pneumatic tubes and sending them off to the units or floors that have been the biggest pains in the ass over the last shift. There, I feel better just thinking about it.

thetwitchytechnician said...

...Wait.

Let's give guns to people who's reaction time is slowed by muscular problems?

GENIUS!

Anonymous said...

"Guy trying to hit on my tech while picking up rx's for his wife. I work in the capital of classiness."

I've gotten hit on by guys picking up viagra, valtrex (Bells Palsy?), birth control, prenatal vitamins, you name it. Classy over here, too.

Frank, CPhT said...

"Like loading exploding dye packs in pneumatic tubes and sending them off to the units or floors that have been the biggest pains in the ass over the last shift."

Now there is a great idea. Now if only I had exploding dye packs readily available... great way to say "thanks for ruining my night!" Sadly, I think the ICU would get the dye pack every night, though...

thetwitchytechnician said...

We've had a guy hit on techs.
While picking up his anti-fungal for jock itch.

I nearly gagged when I read the indication while being forced to listen to him.

The Ole' Apothecary said...

Your full-service pharmacy: flu shots and gunshots.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone actually LOOK at this gun?

http://gizmodo.com/5101430/prescription-handguns-for-the-elderly-and-disabled-this-wont-end-well


How long until some senile cataract patient mistakes this thing for their asthma inhaler?