Saturday, May 24, 2008

Surely Jenna Bush Didn't Just Get Married.

I guess it's a sign I'm getting old. I thought for sure she was still in Iraq. Sure enough though, I found this story on the drugmonkey news wire:

CRAWFORD, TX (DMN)- First daughter Jenna Bush was married today to Henry Chase Hager, son of a former Virginia lieutenant governor, in a ceremony described by a family spokesman as "especially meaningful," coming exactly one year to the day after the bride's release from the Walter Reed Army Medical Center.

Ms. Bush had spent 6 months in the medical facility recovering from wounds she received when the Army's 507th Maintenance Company, which she commanded, came under sustained sniper fire north of the Iraqi city of Basra in November of 2006. She was later awarded the Bronze Star, which she wore on her wedding dress "in honor of all those who didn't make it home"

Sources said that shortly before the ceremony, Jenna spoke with her estranged twin sister Barbara for the first time since Barbara's claiming of conscientious objector status shortly before the beginning of the Second Gulf War.

"What Barbara did was real hard on the family" said a close friend who asked to remain anonymous. "For generations, it's almost been in the Bush DNA that the blessings of this country must be earned by the shared sacrifice of all who call her home."

"Well, maybe not so much for the last 60 years or so." Concluded the source, who then slid away to the bar.

"I'm real proud of my little girl" said the President at the post-wedding reception. "I....excuse me if I tear up here a little.....I remember when I was defending Houston from the Viet Cong back in 1970....how I hoped my children would never know the horrors of war I had witnessed. Jenna, may your's be the last generation to go through what you and I have. It's time for the world to realize peace is our only hope. I only wish I had the power to do something.....anything.... to lessen the blight of war on our planet. For once one has seen its terrible toll, no human would ever wish it on the child of another."

"I think it's time for dinner now" concluded Mr. Bush. "Bring it on"

Important Disclaimer: Jenna never served in Iraq, as George Bush is far from honorable enough to expect that his own children would assume the risks he places on the children of others. The only parts of this post that are real are that Jenna got married, and the picture below, which depending on how the dog felt about the whole thing is either animal abuse or just kinda kinky:


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Once again you nailed it, DrugMonkey. Oh, and her former-Karl-Rove-lackey-husband didn't go either.

Anonymous said...

Nothing but the best for daddy's little princess, you know, Drogmonkey?