This is horrifying! What can we do to stop this practice? How can it be publicized?
Heartbreaking because I knew the Washington Post did far more to publicize the story when it ran on its front page than Madam Z or myself ever could. I shared her horror, but I knew that even though almost 700,000 sets of eyeballs had seen that story on May 14th, nothing had happened, and probably nothing would.
But dammit, Madam Z was counting on me, and I could not let her down. She's a self-described Amazon with flame red hair, and amazon women with red hair can get me to do almost anything. I developed a plan.
Today my friends, we shall start a rumor that the Department of Homeland Security is drugging Britney Spears against her will. Stay with me here.
In an internal email issued this afternoon, Los Angeles Associated Press assistant bureau chief Frank Baker notified his staff of a major policy change."Now and for the foreseeable future," he wrote, "virtually everything involving Britney is a big deal."
Torture of prisoners by the Federal Government? Yawn. Britney buying a toy horse at Rite Aid? NEWS!! My friends, instead of gnashing our teeth, we can use the power of Britney for good. Should this rumor take hold we all know the avalanche of outrage that would instantly be brought down on Homeland Security headquarters. My hope is that the fans of Britney would be inarticulate to the point that the bureaucrats at DHS wouldn't quite know what they were talking about, and would assume that the public is rightfully disgusted at the real involuntary drugging that's going on.
Counting on people who think Britney Spears is important not being able to state their thoughts clearly may be the strongest part of my plan.
And while the rumor would be false, I'm not too worried about getting it past the fact checkers at CNN. I think the new standard for CNN fact checkers is "slight plausibility," and I'm pretty sure we can do better than the slight plausibility that someone is pumping Britney full of Haldol:
So my friends, if you cherish Western Civilization, if you hold the ideals that gave birth to this nation close to your heart, if you believe that you and I and every soul that inhabits this planet today and tomorrow and forever has a right to be free and not to be drugged, if you love your children, you will tell everyone you know that the United States government is injecting Britney Spears with Haldol against her will. You may never do anything as important.
Not to mention..... it would explain so much.
3 comments:
Genius. Using Britney for the good of mankind...what a novel idea.
I had thought that there was no way for Britney to benefit humanity. Obviously, I was mistaken. Thank you for teaching me the error of my ways.
I hate to tell you but it's used in the nursing homes regularly. My 84 year old, mother in law in a wheel chair, who has dimensia/alzheimers, 102 lbs., was given for two nights a B52, 5mg haldol injection followed 30 minutes later with a 2 mg Ativan injection....they're getting away with murder in America and no one is stopping them....want more info email me, we better wake up.
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