A Ranting, Right Wing Lunatic Shows Up, And Provides Us All With A Teachable Moment.

Frothing at the mouth conservative crazies aren't like us. They may look like us, they may have opposable thumbs that allow them to use tools and rudimentary language skills that allow them to communicate basic wants, but take my word, they are not human. In an ideal society they would be segregated into separate but unequal facilities far away from the civilization they are trying to destroy, but unfortunately they are running the country at the moment, which means they have to be dealt with.

"But Drugmonkey" I can hear you saying. "I don't like being around them. They're loud, they're weird, they scream a lot and every time I try to go to the bathroom they're waving their hands under the stall at me."

I feel your pain. I didn't write my last post about San Francisco providing the leadership Washington won't to cover it's uninsured with the intention of creating conservative crazy bait, but I really shouldn't be surprised it lured in a few. Two of the best ways to catch a conservative crazy are to use immigration or the idea of government doing anything other than killing people, or for the more moderate, beating their heads in. I did both in that post, and sure enough, here's what I found in my mailbox this morning:

Why do we let sick, useless people into our country anyways? I recall something about, back when our country was great, we didnt just let anyone in. You couldn't be physicaly ill, mentaly ill, you had to have skills, a means to support yourself in your freedom to pursue happiness and you had to learn to speak ENGLISH quickly.

Most of us, however, would remember this from a time "when our country was great." It's carved on a little something called The Statue of Liberty:

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me:
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

That is our first lesson about conservative crazies. They have language cognition problems that cause them to see things like "wretched refuse of your teeming shore" and hear "physically and mentally perfect people.....with skills"

You can also count the misspellings and missing apostrophes in the crazy quote and know that this person is committed to learning ENGLISH quickly and well. Knowing the conservative crazy's difficulty with language is key to learning how to deal with them.

Conservative crazies will also have a habit of refuting arguments you didn't make. For example:

I love social Marxists! Everytime these things fail disasterously (Cuba, USSR, Nazi Germany, Venezuela) where socialism is tried, some liberal apologist comes along and says they just didn't do enough.

Wow. Now I'm on the same side as Hitler, Stalin, Fidel, and Hugo Chavez. I must be some sort of genocidal power-mad maniac.

Except all I said was that I want to live in a society where people who are sick can get appropriate medical treatment without bankrupting themselves. Interesting how my conservative crazy didn't mention failed states that have tried to do this, like the UK, France, Germany, all of Scandinavia, Japan, or Canada. Maybe because they didn't fail.

Hypocrisy is also a staple of conservative crazies:

I work for what I have and I'm the only one rresponsible for my health and well being. No one should be entitled to the earnings of another. A BIG dose of self-resonsibillity is what most people need desperately in this country, NOT socialized healthcare

I kept waiting for the part where this person would say that therefore they were going to burn their Medicare card the day it showed up in their mailbox and continue to buy private, non-socialized medical insurance. But that part never came. Conservative crazies are very committed to their ideals. Just not committed enough to take action that would affect their own lives. Kinda like the young Republicans who support the troops by never becoming one.

I will also point out the crazy's commitment to proper ENGLISH is on display here as well. Or maybe the word "responsible" isn't really in the ENGLISH language.

Now if you remain calm while faced with a conservative crazy shoutfest, more often than not the hypocrisy will reach a comic level. Our friend did not fail to disappoint:

btw I have family that immigrated here from Cuba.

So, the same person who presumably will protest socialized medicine by becoming part of a socialized medical system has family roots in Cuba. This same person who thinks immigrants need to be physically fit and mentally healthy, should have skills and learn ENGLISH is from Cuba. Do you know what would happen to someone from Cuba who had leprosy, paranoid schizophrenia, never worked a day in their life, who set foot on American soil and said: "Hi, I'm never going to have a job and I'm never going to learn ENGLISH" Do you know what would happen to that person?

They would immediately be given permanent residency. The conservative crazy thought he could advance his argument that "not just anyone should be let in" by pointing out he has family from a country where all you have to do is show up to be let in.

These are the people running our country my friends. What are you going to do about it?