Saturday, September 01, 2007

Dear Customer, Why Must You Get My Hopes Up, Only To Dash Them So Cruelly?

You said you would be in the pharmacy waiting area "holding your breath" until your prescription was ready. Those were your exact words, and they excited me. After you came to the counter, and my keystone tech explained to you that the prescription your doctor phoned in wasn't ready because you were a new customer and therefore none of your information was on file, and then you said:

"Well then why didn't you call me?"


I saw my chance. The human brain cannot live without oxygen for more than approximately four minutes, so by carefully checking, double checking, rechecking, and verifying everything about your prescription over the course of the next half hour, I knew you would be dead, and the world would be rid of someone too dense to realize "none of your information on file" would mean that short of divine intervention, no one in the pharmacy would have known your phone number.

Yet at the end of this half hour I looked out at the waiting room and you were still alive. You lied to me, just like all the customers who promise never to come back to my pharmacy only to return the next month and break my heart.

On the other hand maybe you're not a liar........ maybe you're not actually a human at all, but some sort of whale-beast that can close their blowhole and not actively breathe for lengths of time Homo Sapiens can only dream of. You were rather large.

Anyway, you got your Soma, and we got your phone number, so we'll be sure to call you in 10 days to let you know your request for refill is too soon.

Have a good weekend.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I vote for 'not human at all.' It's a conclusion not come to lightly; only after repeated exposure to this cretinous species can I say definitively, nope, not human.

Just got done working in such a freak show. Count your blessings it's not your techs. Or fellow pharms.

Anonymous said...

God, I love you.

Anonymous said...

It's funny, they actually think we care if we lose their business. Like we're on comission or something. Good riddance. You will be back anyway once you realize the pharmacist next door or across the street is a bigger jerk than me.

Appleo Blush said...

I'm large middle aged man being all type A, rushed and dense *shivers with annoyance*. Have you considered going into pharmacology (R&D) for a university or big pharma? I see lots of ads from biotech co. for pharm D. drug chemists.

hope you encounter less annoying people this week!

Sarah said...

I actually saw an article today in the paper about how doctor's believe that the "surge" of bipolar kids is not accurate as they believe these kids are being misdiagnosed.

I've enjoyed reading your blog, and just finished the archives.

Cathy said...

LOL...You kill me Drug Monkey

Anonymous said...

"You lied to me, just like all the customers who promise never to come back to my pharmacy only to return the next month and break my heart."

At least your customers wait until the next month to break your heart. Mine come back the next day!

Anonymous said...

I think customers are just getting denser.... which is a scary thought.