So, it's not my intention to turn my little blog garden into the Drugmonkey soap opera, but if you bear with me a little bit, I'll reward you with some freaky customer stories. I know the only reason you come here is for the freaky customer stories.
Regular readers will be shocked to hear this, but I was a bit of an.....hmmmm.....ass... towards a certain woman of interest. Let me tell you a story about this lady. She used to work in a pharmacy and once threw a bag of nuts at a customer. No shit. Now how can any of you read that and not think she and I would be a match made in heaven? Luckily for me she didn't have to resort to any sort of nut abuse to set me straight. I think things are gonna be OK.
And my old friend, and by old friend I mean "guy I've never met before so he might not even be a guy" Romius is right, she is dating below her level.......
All right, here's what you came for.
The day started with an old fucker waiting for me to unlock the gate. No surprise there. He needed his prescription issued 5 days ago for Benicar NNNNOOOOWWWWWWW!!!! No surprise there. His Insurer required a prior authorization before they would cover the med. Sigh.......no surprise there. Here's how the conversation went.
Me: Sir, I went to file your claim with your insurance company and they want some more information from your doctor before they will cover it.
Customer: I'm in your system.
Me: Yes, well, I'll send a fax over to your doctor to let him know what's going on, I'd check back in a couple days.
Customer: I'm in your computer.
This went on for a good long time, with the customer saying nothing but variations of "I'm in your system/computer." For I swear to God a good 15 minutes. I finally got rid of him by saying I was out of stock on the med. He accepted this like the last quarter of an hour of insurance hell had never happened. Actually....there is no real surprise in this whole story. Never mind.
Then I watched a guy pick out Depends for an hour and 27 minutes. It actually took him longer....the official time only started after I noticed he'd been there awhile. After the stop the peeathon, he brought one bag of very carefully chosen Depends to the counter with him to pick up his prescription. I really was out of stock on his. Oh the irony.
About halfway through the Depends decision making process, a woman came up to the counter to tell me that some of the ink from a shopping bag she had been carrying around had come off and made her hand blue. She asked for a suggestion. I struggled for a professional sounding way to say "wash your hands"
This was followed up by a woman who came running up from the liquor department. She had just broken a bottle of vodka and wanted to know what to do. She smelled really good.
She was not injured in any way, but wanted to know what I would recommend in case she might have got some glass in her hand, despite the fact there was no glass in her hand. God she smelled good. I think it was Grey Goose.
Ten minutes before closing I get the customary "WHAT TIME DO YOU CLOSE? THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!!!" call.....the customer wanted to know if we sold nails.
Emergency nails. I didn't ask details, I just transferred him to the front and pranced out the door into the sweet, sweet arms of scotch.....happy that I made it through the day without throwing any nuts.