Saturday, June 09, 2007

I Lied. Blog Postings Will Remain Highly Irregular. I Will Soothe Your Disappointment With Some Highlights From Today's Pill Counting Action.

So, it's not my intention to turn my little blog garden into the Drugmonkey soap opera, but if you bear with me a little bit, I'll reward you with some freaky customer stories. I know the only reason you come here is for the freaky customer stories.

Regular readers will be shocked to hear this, but I was a bit of an.....hmmmm.....ass... towards a certain woman of interest. Let me tell you a story about this lady. She used to work in a pharmacy and once threw a bag of nuts at a customer. No shit. Now how can any of you read that and not think she and I would be a match made in heaven? Luckily for me she didn't have to resort to any sort of nut abuse to set me straight. I think things are gonna be OK.

And my old friend, and by old friend I mean "guy I've never met before so he might not even be a guy" Romius is right, she is dating below her level.......

All right, here's what you came for.

The day started with an old fucker waiting for me to unlock the gate. No surprise there. He needed his prescription issued 5 days ago for Benicar NNNNOOOOWWWWWWW!!!! No surprise there. His Insurer required a prior authorization before they would cover the med. surprise there. Here's how the conversation went.

Me: Sir, I went to file your claim with your insurance company and they want some more information from your doctor before they will cover it.

Customer: I'm in your system.

Me: Yes, well, I'll send a fax over to your doctor to let him know what's going on, I'd check back in a couple days.

Customer: I'm in your computer.

This went on for a good long time, with the customer saying nothing but variations of "I'm in your system/computer." For I swear to God a good 15 minutes. I finally got rid of him by saying I was out of stock on the med. He accepted this like the last quarter of an hour of insurance hell had never happened. Actually....there is no real surprise in this whole story. Never mind.

Then I watched a guy pick out Depends for an hour and 27 minutes. It actually took him longer....the official time only started after I noticed he'd been there awhile. After the stop the peeathon, he brought one bag of very carefully chosen Depends to the counter with him to pick up his prescription. I really was out of stock on his. Oh the irony.

About halfway through the Depends decision making process, a woman came up to the counter to tell me that some of the ink from a shopping bag she had been carrying around had come off and made her hand blue. She asked for a suggestion. I struggled for a professional sounding way to say "wash your hands"

This was followed up by a woman who came running up from the liquor department. She had just broken a bottle of vodka and wanted to know what to do. She smelled really good.

She was not injured in any way, but wanted to know what I would recommend in case she might have got some glass in her hand, despite the fact there was no glass in her hand. God she smelled good. I think it was Grey Goose.

Ten minutes before closing I get the customary "WHAT TIME DO YOU CLOSE? THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!!!" call.....the customer wanted to know if we sold nails.

Emergency nails. I didn't ask details, I just transferred him to the front and pranced out the door into the sweet, sweet arms of scotch.....happy that I made it through the day without throwing any nuts.


greensunflower said...

Glad you patched things up. Anyone that has the balls to throw something at a well deserving customer is a keeper.

Kim said...

Haha,nice to see you back.

And being in the system solves everything, didn't you know that? Sheesh. Prior Authorizations? Just look for him in the computer! Doctor hasn't filled the script yet? He's in the computer!

LD50 Rat said...

Hope the scotch was extremely tasty!
What's your preference? least the free floor show, in the pharmacy, should take your mind off of her.

LD50 Rat

Judy said...

I'm glad the wacky customers are back. I was beginning to worry about them.

Thomas said...

What kinda of nuts were they?
Is there a funny story with that?
High-Five for still being irregular.

Romius T. said...

lovely story. I'm glad you were able to fool, i mean convince your lady friend to take you back.

If not there is always scotch.

your comment about me being a guy (maybe) got me thinking. the fastest way for me to get to 100 linkers and 2000 hits a day would be to post a picture of myself as a hot 20 year old girl.

Then my zany humor would be forgiven. I'd be considered a genuis because most cute women are notoriously unfunny. So even my mild funniness would blow people away.

I may soon reveal to the world that in fact I am a hot chick, not some mid thirties guy with a beer belly.


DrugMonkey said...


My "lady friend" has looked through your blogs and decided she hates you. It has become a new source of tension in our relationship. You seem to have a gift for destroying all that you touch....

...yet...I can't quit you.

Romius T. said...

Howe can she hate me? And like you. I mean we have the same sense of humor. Only I would have sex with Ali Lohan if it was legal. Which it is in Canada.

Stay strong.

Amber Dalton said...

Hey DM, I'm glad shit worked out with your honey. Stop fighting with Roomius. Yer both good people. He's a communist and you're a liberal, is there really any difference? (I'm just kidding, relax.)

I haven't read you in a while because your blog starts with a "Y." Do you know how many blogs I have to schlep through to get to yours? It's tedious. Just FYI. Change the name to "123Your Pharmacist May Hate You" and I'll bet your hit count will skyrocket.

Just saying. Back to work. (Or drinking, for you.) ;)


Romius T. said...

yes you haven't told me yet why she hates me. Or why I am from England. Does she think I'm gay? Cuz I'm not gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that....

Dara the DESTROYER said...

Although I am not a pharmacist, just a lowly tech... This blog, as well as a few others have become quite an addictive habit for me (thanks to my manager). I can go home and complain all night about how ridiculous the pharmacy world is, but it just doesn't seem as though any family, friends, or my -significant other- quite gets the humor/irony in it. So thank you, for giving us something to relate to, keeping us all sane and the laughs.

Elizabeth said...

Has anyone addressed yet that customers seem to think that ALL pharmacy computers are linked? Like Rite Aid techs can look up stuff in Safeway's sytem??? WTF?? Or that by reading me a number from another store somehow tells me what the medication is??? "It should be in your system there, they carry it at the Fred Meyer pharmacy, it's number 6959127."

Ariel said...

Hehe.... quite insane patients you seem to attract.

Do tell are things going with your lady friend?