What other explanation could there possibly be that this woman, who by all appearances is a reasonably educated, competent, non-mentally ill human, would be shooting water through her nose?
With a smile on her face? Oprah has put a spell on her.
Not content to turn her army of flat-iron haired, suburban, 20 pound overweight insecure prissy-bitch sheep loose on the publishing world, Oprah has now convinced them that blowing your nose isn't enough. Meet the Neti Pot.
It does exactly what it looks like. It shoots salt water through your nose. I'm sorry, I mean it "cleanses the sinus passages" which is way different than shooting saltwater through your nose. From the website of the Himalayan Institute Store:
Why a Nasal Wash?
The nasal passages are lined with a thin layer of mucus that is one of our body's first lines of defense against disease. A nasal wash keeps this layer of mucus moist, clean and healthy.
It also washes away the thin layer of mucus, which is one of our body's first lines of defense against disease.
Are you getting this? The balance between brains and money in this country is now so skewed that we are paying dollars because we think our snot needs washed. I fully expect to see a shit-bleaching kit on Dr. Phil within the next year.
Jealous? Fuck yeah I'm jealous. These people have figured out a way to charge $6.95 for 10 ounces of salt. That's more than I make on your fucking hundred dollar prescription.
Not to worry though flat hairs. You caught me off guard with your sudden demands for the snot cleaner 10 seconds after Oprah instructed you on what to buy, but I've got you covered now. I know it is useless to stand on the other side of the alternatingly fat and thin beacon of the cul-de-sac, so I ordered in a shitload of your neti pots, and have already sold half of them. Actually I think what I have is a knock off, which makes it even better.
The title of the blog is "Your Pharmacist May Hate You", sometimes though, he's just laughing his ass off at you.
God I miss the ghetto.
21 comments:
Now I generally agree with you but in this case I'm disagreeing. My son has wicked bad allergies, and because he is too young to successfully blow his nose, he is prone to sinus infections, as in, a monthly basis. His allergist actually told us to start using a sinus rinse and he has not had a sinus infection since. He does it a few times a week, more often if he starts getting really clogged. So in his case the positives far outweigh any negatives.
Dammit I thought this might work. Iwas so fooled. For some reason I actually was watching the Oprah show and saw this device.
I can't believe I was as stupid as a consumer as those people buying up the secret.
ps you still have not answered my question about being hated!! I await an answer.
The NP I worked with in an allergist's office recommended patients to use a saline rinse sometimes (once a week maybe?) during allergy season, and people reported success. I imagine it would be like using that saline spray you can buy OTC, except free.
I used to have requests for NetiPots once a day, and the day after that Oprah show aired I had EIGHT people come in asking for them. I had run out hours ago.
A snot-washer? Just when I think I've seen everything....
Thank you, Drugmonkey.
I laugh at this stuff heartily, but my wife falls under it's spell constantly. She saw this other guy on Oprah ages ago, and is now obsessed with the size and shape of her poop.
I hate the woman, and want to flush her down the toilet.
(Oprah, not my wife)
It's all about sinus snot plugs. If you don't want to stand in the shower gently blowing with one nostril and then the other pressed closed, then this torture device may do the trick.
Romius,
This is the only way I am permitted to contact you, as our little Drugnazi (formerly known as, pardon me) is a bit of a control freak. Plus, if I step out of line he gives me a proper beating. You might find this hard to believe, but he isn't fuzzy chicks and rainbows all of the time.
I felt like I needed to defend myself because I don't hate you. I really don't.
I just think you are gross.
But gross in a good way. Kinda.
I feel so much better having cleared the air between us. And there's no way I'm even close to hating you as this very comment is going to earn me another black eye. You and I are practically BFF's here, Romius.
The things I will do in the name of friendship. >sigh<
Truly Yours,
Drugmonkey's "Lady Friend"
(which by the way is just about the most unflattering term of endearment ever and makes me not want to put-out in a big way [ahem ahem])
If only Oprah would use her powers for good instead of for bullshit self-promotion and snot washers. The sheeple are waiting!
Leave it to Oprah's minions to follow everything she says.
Remember back when she had the testosterone 2% for female sex drive? We turned a nice little profit off that one as well. Got some of that crap on my hand, made it numb for three days.
Okay, so used spray saline and not a NetiPot, but I admit I've done the saline wash thing before. And it works to ungum the sinuses. Still...why is everything Oprah says friggin' GOSPEL. I had no idea why I was getting 10-15 phone calls and 10 in-person requests for something so mundane...until someone told me Oprah had recommended it. I wish Oprah would recommend bringing your pharmacist $50. THAT I could get behind!
I was wondering why people started asking for it all the sudden the pharmacist and I had no idea what a nettie pot was.
I'm with you there, vicodinfairy. I'm a government pharmacist, so I could certainly use the cash ;)
Enjoy watching this man clean out his nasal passages with a variety of solutions.
Drugmonkey's "Lady Friend",
You are right about one thing. That must be the most "unflattering term of endearment ever."
I am truly happy to hear that I just gross you out and in a good way.
So sorry to hear about the upcoming black eye. But you know the old joke, what do you say to a woman with two black eyes? nothing you done told her twice.
But seriously.
I can see why the little monkey likes you. Odd how a persons personality can come through sometimes when there is only text. Text can be so open to interpetation. But idon't feel I am projecting in this instance.
Now I have gone on too long. And the Drug monkey will think there is something going on. When point if fact he can see everything that is going on.
He will argue that in fact it is the openenss, the transparency itself, that is proof of something. But that is nothing else but post-modern semiotic bullshit.
My sister and her daughter were into the neti pot pre-Oprah. Sis swears it has eliminated her allergies and sinus headaches. So I am a neti believer, once removed. I briefly considered buying one but I don't have any problems with my snot and it's just one more damn thing to do every day. If I do decide to get one, I will wait until the Oprah fervor has died down and drugstores are left with thousands of unpurchased neti pots. I don't mind being behind the curve on a fad if it means I can buy one for a dollar.
Do you store the netipot next to the anal bleaching kits?
http://www.crappersquarterly.com/features/analbleaching.htm
"Would the pharmacist recommend using distilled or tap water with this?" If Oprah were to instruct all of the flat hairs to jump off of a bridge the lives of pharmacy employees would be at least slightly more tolerable.
If only I had kept up on this blog, I wouldn't have looked like such an idiot last week with the people asking for this thing. When they told me what it was, I said, well, I have some saline spray, which of course wouldn't do. NOW I SEE WHY. Bahhhhh, Bahhhhh.
How much is half a shitload of pots? Can I get one for half price?
Oprah blows. Neti pots don't-- actually, they're part of a millenia-old yogic cleansing protocol (not bullshit new-agey let's go to Starbucks afterwards yoga, either; the real deal, 80-year-old Indian men with ribs you can count and matted knee-length hair yoga). And I had sinus infections pretty much continuously until I started using a neti pot on my yoga instructor's advice. Feels weird as hell, like when you were a kid and got water up your nose at the pool, but no more sinus infections. As for the 6.95 worth of salt (what, is it collected from the shores of Fiji by blue-eyed virgins during the full moon?), you can use plain ol' table salt, or no salt at all. Love your blog, by the way. Laughs a-plenty, with just the right number of political polemics.
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