Ok, so obviously the Disney death as a final piece of performance art didn't work out. I got to my destination, watched some whales, scored some kick-ass vinyl (records, not bondage wear) , yadda yadda yadda....
Something happened at the airport after my arrival back home though, and I'm not sure if it's a sad commentary on group psychology or a sad comment on my sense of humor that I found it so damn hilarious. Here's the deal. I'm waiting in baggage claim for my suitcase to show up. Most of you probably know the setup, but for those of you that don't, imagine a giant conveyor belt in the shape of a circle, with a ramp coming up through the circle's center. The suitcases come up on the ramp, then get deposited on the conveyor belt to go round and round until the suitcase's owner picks it up. So, there I am at the conveyor belt, along with a couple hundred other people who all seem to think being 0.0001 millimeter closer to the belt than anyone else will save them at least half an hour getting out of the airport, and here comes my suitcase shooting up the ramp with such force that it almost tips over and falls off the circle. The big blue Travelpro manages to hang on though, albeit hanging over the edge.
An edge where people have crowded around as closely as they can remember. As I watch my suitcase make it's way around to me, I see it bump into person after person, one after the other, and even though every person is no more than 2 inches from the last person who just got goosed by my bag, every single one of them tries to act cool about the whole thing, like nothing happened, and not one person made a move to get out of the way. One kid was turned a little more towards the belt than everyone else and instead of getting bumped in the hips he took it right in the nads. He couldn't have been more than 15 years old and you could tell he was in a bit of pain. But again, he did his best to act like nothing had happened. A second of surprise than a rush to hide all feelings.
By the time my suitcase made it over to papa I was laughing so hard my eyes were watering. Trust me, there is no way words can convey what a hilariously absurd spectacle I just witnessed. I picked up big blue, said "you've been causing trouble haven't you?" and went off to catch a shuttle to the parking lot, leaving everyone there still standing like the mindless drones they were, and hoping that if a suitcase ever started closing in on my nads, I could summon the willpower to move back a few inches.
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