Kicking Lloyd DuPlantis Jr. Of Gray Louisiana While He's Down. Because You Have To Keep Kicking His Type Until You're Sure They're Not Getting Back Up

It would seem that congratulations are in order. Lloyd Duplantis of Gray, Louisiana and his ilk are, as we live and breathe, being ushered from the house of science they invaded so brazenly almost four years ago. For those of you who aren't regular readers of my little blog garden, or who don't hang on every word I write, I'll tell you that Lloyd Duplantis of Gray, Louisiana is perhaps the greatest single influence in shaping the collection of words you now see in front of you. The day he got on National Public radio and declared to the world that he does not sell birth control pills "in the name of science" was the day I woke up to the feeling that there were barbarians at the gate to my home. You are free to be a lunatic religious fundamentalist all you'd like my friends, but the day you start pretending you are not, the day you mask your Jesus agenda and claim you are acting on facts instead of faith, you have crossed a line. 

And when your kind maneuvers itself behind the levers of political power in this country  to the point where you can deny morning after contraception to those under 18 because of "safety concerns," when not a single study exists to show there is any greater risk to women under 18, you have crossed another. Lloyd DuPlantis of Gray, Louisiana and his ilk took us on a scary-ass ride there for awhile. I admit it, I was scared. So what'd I do? I got behind my keyboard and typed some stuff, that's what I did. For years I've been typing stuff that has called bullshit on Lloyd DuPlantis of Gray, Louisiana and his ilk.

Evidently it finally did the trick. From yesterday's New York Times:

 

A federal judge ordered the Food and Drug Administration on Monday to make the Plan B morning-after birth control pill available without prescription to women as young as 17.

The judge ruled that the agency had improperly bowed to political pressure from the Bush administration in 2006 when it set 18 as the age limit.

The agency has 30 days to comply with the order, in which the judge also urged the agency to consider removing all restrictions on over-the-counter sales of Plan B.

“It is a complete vindication of the argument that reproductive rights advocates have been making for years, that in the Bush administration it was politics, not science, driving decisions around women’s health,” said Nancy Northup, president of the Center for Reproductive Rights, the attorneys for the plaintiff in the suit against the F.D.A."

"All hail to the wise and just Drugmonkey" Northup added. "Whose lone voice of sanity carried us through dark times, and may have been the single thread upon which all of logic and reason was hanging during the full scale assault on the scientific method that took place under George W. Bush and the Radical Republican Congress." She didn't really say that. Although it's true. 

They are being ushered from the house of science they tried to invade, but they are not going without a peep:

Some conservative groups voiced concern that the ruling could promote sexual promiscuity. “Now some minor girls will be able to obtain this drug without any guidance from a doctor and without any parental supervision,” the Family Research Council said in a statement.

"And we all know that minor girls who are too irresponsible and lack the impulse control to not take some penis without a plan to stop a shortie from popping out make the best parents" The Council went on to say. "Especially when they are forced to raise children they didn't want to have. This decision, quite simply, will rob this country of the best and brightest of our next generation" 

"It will also make it more likely the minor girl will at some point get her head out of her ass, become successful in life, and therefore be less likely to vote for candidates we support" the statement didn't add. "This ruling has the potential to cripple our power base......um...I mean...harm young women....because of safety or something. Yeah....it's all about safety"

They didn't really say that. Although it's true.

So while what you did in November is important, and you should be happy, and patting yourself on the ass the way football players who think they're not gay pat themselves on the ass when they're happy, don't think you should stop kicking the likes of Lloyd Duplantis of Gray, Louisiana and his ilk. 

Because you and I both know they'll be back. Pat yourself on the ass for awhile and get ready to huddle up for the next play. 

And let's never let them scare us again.

Another Dark Day For Lloyd Duplantis Of Gray, Louisiana. And A Bit Of A Frustrating Day For Myself.

Lloyd Duplantis is the pharmacist who got on National Public Radio during the height of The Era of Bush Induced Insanity to declare that he refused to sell birth control pills "in the name of science." Seriously. He said that. And a mere 5 years ago there were enough people who believed him, and not the actual science that shows the use of oral contraceptives leads to a lower lifetime risk of cancer, that his ilk was having a major influence on public policy. Lloyd Duplantis scared the piss out of me 5 years ago, and I decided I had to do what I could to make sure his attempt to turn our profession into a home for religious fundamentalism did not go unopposed. Today, the little blog garden you see before you is gathering hits at a far greater pace than the website of his organization, Pharmacists For Life International, my writing secured me a regular platform in the nation's leading trade magazine, and we have this news out of the nation's capital:

WASHINGTON — Federal drug regulators on Friday approved a new form of emergency contraceptive pill that prevents pregnancies if taken as many as five days after unprotected intercourse.

The pill, called ella, will be available by prescription only. Developed in government laboratories, it is more effective than Plan B, the morning-after pill now available over the counter to women 17 and older.

That pill gradually loses efficacy and can be taken at most three days after sex. Ella, by contrast, works just as well on the fifth day as the first after sex.

I win. As do the women of America. Lloyd Duplantis of Gray, Louisiana has turned out to be just another schmuck who's 5 minutes of fame is over, his only accomplishment the jump-starting of my writing career. For which I'll always be thankful.

Moving on...

Studies have found that many women fail to realize they are at risk for an unplanned pregnancy after unprotected sex.

No way. I've always said you'll never go broke betting on stupid, but there is just no fucking way that can be true.

Studies have shown that more than one million women who do not want to get pregnant are estimated to have unprotected sex every night in the United States

Wow that's a lot of sex. Why do you suppose The New York Times had to go and rain on my parade like that? Rubbing in the fact that of the over one million drillings that are going on in the country this night, none of them will be involving my oil rig. That was just mean of them.

No matter. Even though I will fall asleep this weekend alone, I will wake up in a world a little bit saner than that in which I fell asleep five years ago. Where science is once again the primary factor in the drug approval process, where impassioned political arguments now involve money, and not how many people we should be killing in a country that never attacked us. Where presidents can speak in paragraphs and Proposition 8 has been overturned. Lloyd Duplantis seems like nothing but a bad dream now. About as scary as a Belgian waffle.

Maybe this means my blog is more powerful than Jesus. If so I think it should be getting me laid more.

The Spawn Of Lloyd Duplantis Of Gray, Louisiana Are Back. And Wal-Mart Tells A Big Fucking Lie.

The Drugmonkey is pissed this night my friends. The kind of spit in your eye hellraising pissed that was so common in my Bush administration prime. If you've been with me that long you may remember Lloyd Duplantis of Gray, Louisiana. The "pharmacist" who had his 15 minutes of fame back in the day for refusing to fill birth control prescriptions, once telling National Public Radio they were "the most dangerous chemicals that have ever been put on the market." The Drugmonkey viciously destroyed Lloyd afterwards. To the point where if you Google "Lloyd Duplantis " right now, the first two results are posts from this very blog,  above his own store's website. 

Awesome.

But I also knew the work of vigilance against these pharmacy pretenders is never done. I wrote this back in 2009:

...don't think you should stop kicking the likes of Lloyd Duplantis of Gray, Louisiana and his ilk. 

Because you and I both know they'll be back. Pat yourself on the ass for awhile and get ready to huddle up for the next play. 

Well it's playtime again my friends. From Mother Jones, the magazine that once broke the story of Mitt Romney's "47 percent" foot in mouth episode: 

When Brittany Cartrett lost her pregnancy in March, her doctor prescribed misoprostol to help her complete the miscarriage. The drug, which would allow her to avoid a more invasive surgical procedure, is the same one used to induce many abortions. Which is why, Cartrett suspects, two different pharmacies in central Georgia refused to fill her prescription.

Yup, we've been down this road. See if you can detect a difference this time though:

Cartrett slammed one of those pharmacies, the Walmart in Milledgeville, Georgia, in a Facebook post published last week. When she asked the pharmacist why she wouldn't fill her prescription, Cartrett claims, "She looks at me over her nose and says, 'Because I couldn't think of a reason why you would need that prescription.'" Cartrett says she then explained that she'd had a miscarriage, and the pharmacist replied, "I don't feel like there is a reason why you would need it, so we refused to fill it."

Did you see it? Not even pretending to have a good reason anymore. No trumped up safety concerns. No thinly veiled medical rationale. Just "I don't think you need it and you don't need to know why"

That is, until it gets to the level of the corporate spin doctor. This is where it really gets crazy folks:

Walmart, however, disputes that its pharmacist refused to fill the prescription on principal. She refused, says Brian Nick, a company spokesman, because the prescription did not follow FDA guidelines.

Everyone in the pharmacy profession just shot scotch out of their nose. Even if they were drinking water, scotch is what came out. Even if no beverage at all was around, the sheer ridiculousness of this explanation caused single malt to flow through sinuses. Because Wal-Mart, through its spokesman, just seemed to say that prescriptions that do not follow official FDA guidelines should not be filled.

Which is unadulterated bullshit. Lloyd Duplantis wasn't allowed to spew bullshit into my profession and you're not either Wal-Mart. Prepare to be called.

It's estimated 76% of all prescriptions of Seroquel are for off-label, non FDA approved uses. Which I'm sure means Wal-Mart dispenses 76% less Seroquel than its competitors. Right Wal-Mart?

Right?

I bet you never allow any amitriptyline for neuralgia to ever leave your place either, right? And no trazodone to treat insomnia. Because there are no official FDA guidelines for that either.

I could go on all night. Because the list of prescription drugs used off label is endless, and Wal-Mart knows it.

But for some reason......only the off label use of misoprostol seems to show up on your radar. What could that reason be?

Because.... that off label use of Seroquel I mentioned really has raised some serious safety concerns, unlike anything to do with misoprostol.  Yet... I don't see any Wal-Mart pharmacists taking a stand on off label Seroquel.

So again, what could the reason be?  That just this one drug......out of zillions that are used off label.....is the one to be concerned about?

Everyone reading this now knows the reason Mr. Wal-Mart corporate hack, so you can cut the crap. That pharmacist of yours didn't fill that prescription because she's an anti-abortion zealot who thinks she's entitled to put her beliefs above the people she is obligated to serve, and is also too stupid to know misoprostol has a myriad of uses that wouldn't raise her self-righteous, hypocritical hackles.

Tell the truth Wal-Mart. If you're going to take a stand and give cover to your employees when they attempt to force others to live by their moral code, at least don't lie.

Because while not everyone agrees on the abortion issue, there's a pretty clear consensus among all faiths that liars go to hell.

Fuckers.

The Most Dangerous Chemical On The Market Cuts A Woman's Cancer Risk By 12%. Which Makes Me Very Optimistic Regarding The Least Dangerous Chemical.

So now it's official. Lloyd DuPlantis of Gray, Louisiana, the pharmacist who got on national radio and told the world he refused to dispense oral contraceptives "in the name of science" has been scientifically proven to be full of shit. You can listen here to Lloyd tell us his decision was about nothing but science. He comes on around the 13 minute mark. Around 16:30 he says oral contraceptives are "the most dangerous chemicals that have ever been put on the market." Lloyd made God so mad when he said this that God sent a hurricane to Louisiana to try and wipe Lloyd out. Unfortunately God missed. If God had been on target though, it would have spared Lloyd a lifetime of humiliation. To the Sept 12th UK Guardian:

The contraceptive pill actually protects women against cancer in later life, according to the largest study ever set up to evaluate the risks and benefits.

The pill, which has been a source of controversy since it was introduced in the 1960s, is today revealed to have an overall net benefit for the women who take it. Researchers who have followed 46,000 women taking the pill - beginning in 1968 - say that it cuts the individual's risk of cancer of any kind by up to 12%.

Um, maybe it's just me, but this doesn't sound like the most dangerous chemical on the market. Honestly, I really don't think a scientist would have to look very hard to find something more dangerous. A religious crackpot with an ulterior motive might not be able to come up with something more dangerous, but not a scientist.

"Drugmonkey I'm not gonna let you blow smoke up my ass" I can hear some of you saying. "I know damn well Oral Contraceptives raise a woman's risk of breast cancer. You're wrong! Lloyd DuPlantis of Gray, Louisiana is a scientist!"

You would be right about the breast cancer. Back to the Guardian:

It is accepted that the pill raises the risk of breast cancer while a woman is taking it and for about five years afterwards. But the real benefits kick in 15 years or more after she has stopped. Most women go on the pill in their late teens or early twenties and have given up by their late twenties.

.....women who were once on the pill - as long as they did not take it for more than eight years, and most do not - are no more likely to get breast cancer than others. And they are significantly less likely to suffer from certain other cancers, in particular ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer, which affects the lining of the womb. They are also better protected from bowel cancer.

I'll translate this for you. Women do have a higher risk of breast cancer while they are taking the pill. This risk vanishes by the time they have been off the pill for five years. How many 20 somethings do you know who are battling breast cancer? Exactly. The pill raises these women's breast cancer risk from incredibly small, to slightly more than incredibly small.

But the protection from other types of cancer is permanent. You can be an 80 year old hag, but if you took oral contraceptives back when you were penis hunting in your 20's, your chances of dying of cancer are lower.

Lloyd DuPlantis of Gray, Louisiana is not a scientist. We now have scientific proof.

The lesson to be learned here is to be true to what you are. If Lloyd Duplantis of Gray, Louisiana had just been honest back in 2005, if he had just admitted he was a Christian fundamentalist trying to impose his beliefs on us all through his professional practice, he would look less foolish today. Because now he has to take back everything he said back then. He has to tell everyone he knows that he was either wrong or he was a liar.

Be true to yourself. If you're a religious fascist, just admit it. At least then you can have some self respect.

Tonight, Perhaps, For A Few Minutes At Least, I Shall Allow Myself To See The Glass As Half Full.

From The July 13th Washington Post:

The popularity of the morning-after pill Plan B has surged in the year since the federal government approved the sale of the controversial emergency contraceptive without a prescription.

Plan B sales have doubled since the Food and Drug Administration authorized the switch for women 18 and older last August, rising from about $40 million a year to what will probably be close to $80 million for 2007, according to Barr Pharmaceuticals, which makes Plan B.

"This is exactly what we hoped would happen," said Susan F. Wood of the George Washington University School of Public Health. As assistant commissioner for women's health and director of the Office of Women's Health at the FDA, Wood pushed for the switch.

On such an occasion, when we have reached this benchmark in our professional history, I can really think of only one appropriate thing to say.....

IN YOUR FACE LLOYD DUPLANTIS OF GRAY, LOUISIANA!!!!!

Some of you regular readers already know this, but Lloyd is responsible for the blog you see here today. It was a little over 2 years ago I got the professional shock of my life driving home listening to National Public Radio. That night Lloyd saw fit to tell the world that Oral Contraceptives were "the most dangerous chemical on the market" and that he didn't sell them "in the name of science." (Lloyd comes on around the 12 minute mark if you click on the link) I'll leave it up to you to theorize what Lloyd's (or someone behind Lloyd's) motives were by starting a push for publicity 40 years after what he thought was the most dangerous chemical on the market went on sale. Whatever they were I knew they weren't good. That night my little blog garden took a sharp political turn, and my hit count soon soared. Whatever you think of the Drugmonkey, he wouldn't exist without Lloyd Duplantis of Gray Louisiana.

I've actually had a lot of fun with the blog since then. Perhaps I should thank Lloyd. As should the women of America. Back to the Post:

Advocates attribute the increased use ... both to the easier access and greater awareness of the drug's availability (emphasis mine)

Awareness that was given a big boost every time a lunatic like Lloyd Duplantis of Gray, Louisiana would do something like get on National Public Radio and let people know they could trust those like him with their health care.

So congratulations Lloyd, you really did make a difference. I wonder if for your next campaign you could become an advocate for the insurance industry.

"A single-payer health system is the most dangerous idea on the market" has a nice ring to it, and I bet NPR would be happy to have you back.

Stupid Redneck.

I Publish A Spoiler From My Awesome First Book As A Rear Guard, Guerrilla Action In The War On Women

I knew this day would come.

I've watched for years as the forces waging war on a woman and her uterus have gathered and run rampant over the countryside. As they evolved from small cells born in the ashes of defeat after Roe v. Wade to the forces of reactionary Puritanism that have become marauding bands of sexual police barbarians. Sometimes highly educated barbarians, as in the case of Lloyd Duplantis of Gray, Louisiana, a pharmacist who won a few minutes of national notoriety  for, among other things, declaring that birth control pills are "the most dangerous chemicals on the market" and becoming the lab coat wearing face of the war on Plan B, the morning after pill. I wrote my first book primarily as a bitchslap against Lloyd and his ilk, and by any measure I was wildly successful, as that chemical that he thought so dangerous is now available for the asking for anyone 17 and up, and will soon be easier to get than Sudafed. Lloyd is no longer a figurative loser, but a literal one as well.

In my book I took Lloyd one further though. Rant and rave as he and his kind do that Plan B and other morning after pills cause an abortion, they do not. I won't go so far as to say Lloyd is lying, but anyone with a pharmacist's background should know that what he says about Plan B isn't true. Maybe Lloyd just isn't very smart. So I decided to educate him a bit by publishing another bit of information any pharmacist should know. How to induce an actual, real, abortion using the old time ulcer medicine misprostol  (Cytotec)

Isn't that ironically funny? Lloyd rants about a pill that doesn't cause an abortion so I tell the world about a pill that does. Ha ha ha ha......I should get some sort of an award.

The closest I've come to that so far though is leading the way for The New York Times, which told the world today that after the new....cough cough......"safety" regulations soon to be passed in Texas that will have the toooooooootallly unintended consequence of forcing most abortion clinics there to shut their doors, there will most likely be a run across the border, where Mexican pharmacies will sell you a pack of misoprostol with few or no questions asked. Here's a quote from that article:

"When asked how women should use the pills, some of the pharmacists said they did not know and others recommended wildly different regimes that doctors say could be unsafe,"

 Which means that State Senator Glen Hegar, chief sponsor of the Texas bill who says he wants not to limit abortion access “but to increase the quality of care.” Will be driving women in his state into the hands of Mexican pharmacists with their head squarely up their ass. Pharmacists stupider than Lloyd Duplantis even.

Yeah, I knew this day would come. It's nice to sell books and all, and even after two years that little book of mine still sells pretty well, but I always had a feeling that at some point making the information about how to use misoprostol as safely as possible would be more important than any book royalties earned. Here's another quote from the Times:

When used properly in the early weeks of pregnancy, misoprostol, which causes uterine contractions and cervical dilation, induces a miscarriage about 85 percent of the time, according to Dr. Grossman. But many women receive incorrect advice on dosage and, especially later in pregnancy, the drug can cause serious bleeding or a partial abortion, he said.

Yup. That day is here. This is a word per word copy of a chapter lifted right out of my book. It's copyrighted, but feel free to save it, send it, post it, or spread the information around as much as you'd like. Just don't sell it. And also know that I DON'T recommend this. I would much rather you see and be under the care of a real doctor with real experience in ending a pregnancy, but the authorities in Texas, and Ohio, Wisconsin, Arkansas, Arizona, North Dakota, and too many other states have seen fit to make that less likely to happen. When you have limited options, you make the best of what's left to you.

Here you go:

Chapter Title, "This One's For You Lloyd Duplantis"

Cytotec. That's the brand name of the anti-ulcer medicine misoprostol that has been around since 1988. Any doctor anywhere in the country can write a prescription for misoprostol, and while it's not as big a seller as it used to be, the chances are pretty good a pharmacy in your town has it on the shelf,  just like any prescription, and if you don't have any insurance, it should easily cost you less than $30.

It can also be used to induce an abortion. If that's what you want to do, have your doctor write a prescription as follows:

Cytotec 200mcg
#12 tablets
Take as directed

Then take four of the tablets and dissolve them under your tongue. Three hours later dissolve four more, then wait three hours and do it a third time. Another option is to insert four tablets vaginally and repeat with four more in 24 hours. Talk it over with your doctor and decide which way is best for you.

Also, please read the rest of this before you do anything.

First off, let's be clear. Unlike when you take Plan B, you will be ending a viable pregnancy when you take misoprostol. This is an abortion, and if an abortion is not what you want, than you should not take misoprostol. 

Misoprostol is not without side effects or risks. The drug works by expelling the fetus, which means you will experience cramps, possibly stronger than anything you've gone through with your period. You can take some over the counter Aleve (naproxen sodium) to help with these cramps if they are troublesome.

You may also experience chills, fever, nausea, vomiting or diarrhea after taking misoprostol. Fever can be treated with naproxen or Tylenol, but if it lasts more than 24 hours you should check with your doctor. Nausea can be treated with over the counter Dramamine. 

Misoprostol doesn't always work. It has a success rate of anywhere from 80 to 90%, and there is a chance if it fails it can cause birth defects. You should start to experience bleeding within the first day after taking misoprostol, if no bleeding occurs, than the abortion has failed. Misoprostol should not be used at all after the 9th week of pregnancy due to the risk of excessive bleeding, and should not be used if you have an IUD. 

Seek immediate medical attention if,  after using misoprostol, you experience heavy bleeding (soaking more than two maxi pads per hour for more than two hours), feel dizzy or lightheaded, or have a fever for more than 24 hours. 

If you end up in the hospital, the symptoms will be identical to a spontaneous miscarriage. The medical staff will not know you tried to induce an abortion. 

Now you know how you can get an abortion for the cost of a doctor's visit and your prescription copay. Do I think it's the best method? No, I don't. Misoprostol combined with Mifeprex is more effective, but I'm aware it won't always be an option, and unlike too many in the medical professions, I think you should be aware of all the options available to you. 

And now you are. 

__________________________________________

In your face Lloyd Duplantis, and now, in your face, assholes of the Texas legislature.  

My Grown Up Letter To APhA

It's odd sometimes, the duality of the Drugmonkey/real life thing. You think Steven Colbert ever got confused as to which Steven he was? Probably not, but others sure as hell do over this type of thing. Rite Aid couldn't figure it out, and I will be forever grateful to them for it.

Anyway, this APhA/Lloyd Duplantis situation calls for more than the snarky Drugmonkey treatment. It's a serious problem that they seriously are gonna have to deal with. So this is the serious, grownup, not in character letter that I sent to CEO Thomas E. Menighan and the PR person who wrote the press release announcing the award.

Serious and grownup, posted at the home of the snarky Drugmonkey. You figure it out.

_________________


Mr. Menighan,

I am writing to you to express my utter dismay at the selection by the Louisiana Pharmacists Association of Lloyd Duplantis as that state's recipient of the APhA Foundation's "Bowl of Hygeia" award. While Mr. Duplantis has gained some notoriety as a member of a movement by pharmacists to refuse to dispense oral contraceptives to women, there is another, far more disturbing aspect to his work that I can only hope you are not aware of.

In 2010, Mr. Duplantis self-published a book entitled "The Pill, America's Sacred Cow" in which he outlines his opposition to hormonal birth control. While a complete debunking of the inaccuracies, use of pseudo-science to mask religious dogma, and flat out wrong statements presented as fact in this book is beyond the scope of this letter, there is a particular part of this work, which now has the tacit endorsement of APhA, that you need to hear. I start with the following quote:

"It is proposed by several researchers that the constant bathing of the female ovaries with exogenous female sex hormones affects the complex chromosome balance of the ovum while still in the ovary. This is hypothesized as a factor in the increased occurrence of effeminate men in the American population with the subsequent practice of homosexuality resulting in the rampant spread of HIV and AIDS infections."

Lest you think that was a quick statement of a fleeting thought. Later in the book there is an entire chapter espousing the bizarre theory that:

1) High dose estrogen contraceptives produce "effeminate men,"  which leads to an increase of the number of homosexuals in a given population.

2) These pills were tested in Haiti in the 1950s, leading to an above average number of gay men by the 1970s

3) A large group of Haitians traveled to the African nation of Zaire in the 70s, where errant vaccine experiments had led to the creation of the AIDS virus.

4) These Haitians then contracted the virus, brought the disease back to Haiti, and from there it spread throughout North America.

I can assure you Mr. Menighan, that is only the most egregious thing to be found in that book. There is plenty more where that came from. And now, through the APhA Foundation, these ideas have the implicit support of your organization. It would be one thing if you could claim lackluster vetting led to your foundation being unaware of this toxic work, but it is listed front and center on the press release announcing the award!!

Let me be clear. APhA has praised the notion that homosexuality is a medical disorder and lent credence to an incredulous "theory" about the start of the AIDS epidemic in the United States. You have no idea how much I wish I could go back to simply calling your organization ineffective.

I understand that you personally were most likely not involved in the decision to bestow this award on Mr. Duplantis, but that award has the name of the American Pharmacists Association on it, and as its Chief Executive Officer you are responsible and are to be held accountable for everything the organization does. It is up to you to limit the damage that has been done, and only a revocation of the honor given out in your name and complete repudiation of the repugnant ideas of Mr. Duplantis can begin to remedy this situation.

I look forward to hearing how you plan to act in this matter.

I will follow up this email with a certified letter to ensure you receive this important communication.

A Dark Day For Lloyd DuPlantis Jr. Of Gray, Louisiana

I pick on Lloyd DuPlantis Jr., of Gray Louisiana a lot, but only because I hate him. I've hated him ever since I heard him on National Public Radio telling the world that he doesn't sell birth control pills at his pharmacy, located at 3696 W Main St in Gray, Louisiana, phone number 1-888-872-5030, "in the name of science" and that Birth control pills are "the most dangerous chemical on the market." (If you click on the link, Lloyd comes on at around the 12 minute mark) Lloyd didn't say the most dangerous prescription drug on the market, he said the most dangerous chemical. Evidently Lloyd thinks estrogen and progesterone are to be feared more than dioxin, botulism toxin, or mustard gas. Despite the fact that the number of real scientists who would say something like this is about zero, this is what Lloyd says he believes.


Poor Lloyd must be in his back yard today digging a fallout shelter and stocking up on canned food in anticipation of the flood of dangerous chemicals that are set to be turned loose on society. You see, the real scientists at the FDA have overcome years of opposition from the Christian Fascists people like Lloyd have put in power, and the agency today announced it's approval for OTC Plan B sales. On a day like this, when the Christian fascists are probably feeling a bit upset and defeated, it's probably best to reach out across the ideological divide and say something like......


IN YOUR FUCKING FACE!!!!!! TAKE THAT JESUS!!!!!!!!!!! WHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHOOOOO!!!!!!!

All right, that was just harsh. I tell you what. I was planning to hold a celebratory orgy to launch my sex based cult that easy access to Plan B will make possible. Lloyd, you can come if you want. Just do me a favor and stay in the room where the lights are off, 'cause I've seen your picture.

I Bestow A Roadmap For APhA to Follow

To: Thomas E. Menighan. CEO, American Pharmacists Association.

RE: Your ongoing public relations disaster.

Tom,

Good Lord. I had no idea you would be so stupid about this.

I admit, when I first read the APhA Foundation's press release announcing the "Bowl of Hygeia" award given to Lloyd Duplantis, I thought it would be fun to sit back and chuckle as you scrambled around to do the right thing. But I never thought you would not know what the right thing was. Seriously, this is 2015, and a man who says the birth control pill leads to an increase in "effeminate men" and homosexuality now has a trophy with your name on it on his mantle.

And you're OK with that? Seriously? I haven't even mentioned his bizzaro theory about how gay Haitians contracted the AIDS virus in Africa and brought it to North America.

This is actually getting painful to watch. Have you noticed it's not just me giving you a hard time anymore? You are getting pummeled in the court of public opinion, and rightfully so.

But I'm here to help. I'm not quite sure why it's up to me to get you out of this mess of your own creation, but no one else seems to be lifting a finger. Thing is, putting all this in your rear view mirror really wouldn't be that hard. Here's your complimentary session with the Drugmonkey consulting service:

1) Make a statement. Now. Making it crystal clear that the views of Lloyd Duplantis do not in any way reflect the values of APhA. That your organization is for equality for all, and stands against all forms of discrimination and ignorant hatred.

2) Put in your legalese about not being responsible for making the decision to give him that award. BUT...follow this with an announcement of a change in your policy that will ensure this will never happen again. What those changes are I'll leave up to you. I can't solve all your problems after all.

3) Make a large donation to an organization that works for the advancement of the LGBT community. And I mean large. More money than you gave the Louisiana Pharmacists Association to award a bigot.

There you go buddy, PR disaster dealt with. I solved your damn situation with about five minutes of thought while I was waiting for my wife to finish brushing her teeth. Now why the hell couldn't you, with your access to the best PR professionals in the country right there in your DC neighborhood, come up with something other than cowering in silence?

Unless...the values of Lloyd Duplantis really do in some way align with those of APhA. I guess that would explain it.

Until you open your mouth Tom, the world will never really know.

Do. Something.

____________


Sign a petition calling  on APhA to do something about their boneheaded move here. 

Lloyd Duplantis Of Gray, Louisiana Is Far Worse Than I Thought. That's Not The Problem Though. If APhA Is Capable Of Shame They Need To Bring It Out Right Now.

Fans of the blog know all about Lloyd Duplantis. For those of you that don't I'll tell you the condensed version. He was front and center in the movement a few years back of pharmacists that refused to dispense birth control prescriptions. What made Lloyd a little different though, was that it wasn't enough for him to say you couldn't have your Ortho-Novum because it went against his moral beliefs. He essentially ignored that part of his argument one night on national radio, saying he didn't dispense them "in the name of science," calling what's in your birth control pack "the most dangerous chemicals on the market."  He spewed forth bullshit and his bullshit got called here. That's old news.

There's more to Lloyd than we knew though. And thanks to the American Pharmacists Association, we all get to find out.

It seems that our friends at APhA, who seem to do nothing other than give out awards, build new headquarters, and shake hands while taking pictures,  saw fit to give out one of their awards to Lloyd. Specifically, a "Bowl of Hygeia," which is some sort of thing given out by each state association in the name of the APhA Foundation. I was gonna write me a little letter to that Foundation to ask them things like how honoring Lloyd fit in with one of their self-proclaimed values. I quote:

 "Respect for the patient’s role in managing their health is central to care."

Except when some slut wants to have a little control over her woman parts evidently, but I'm getting off track. I thought I could write a better letter if I had a copy of the book Lloyd wrote a few years back. Unfortunately I had to buy the damn thing. It isn't popular enough to be anywhere where you can borrow or steal it. Unlike mine, which can be acquired in all ways legal and otherwise.

Lloyd abandons all pretense of not basing his opposition to sexy pills on moral grounds in this page turner, but what immediately struck me was how he tried to have it both ways on the science stuff. Here's a quote from the introduction:

I have placed my own emotions and my own hypotheses here and those are based upon empirical and anecdotal observations. Since modern science and the politically correct establishment does not accept or rather has a general disdain for that type of science, I chose to call this compilation of my musings and articles that I have found interesting regarding "the Pill," a story rather than a scientific work. 

Got that? That fancy liberal science doesn't accept things like what some guy saw or thoughts he pulled out his rear end to be good enough, so this here type of science is called a story. A story about the type of science that isn't good enough for those eggheads. And a story that uses a lot of words like "empirical" and "clinical" and "hypotheses" to remind you it's just a story.

Just for kicks, let's take a look at a few of the places Lloyd's type of science leads to. These are just warm ups. The main one is coming:

-All contraceptive products have much more potential for harm rather than the possibility of benefit. 

Eh, no surprise there. We kinda figured he'd be saying stuff like this.

-In his practice, Lloyd says "every side effect listed on the package insert presented itself" 

That, my friends, is bullshit. No pharmacist has ever seen every side effect listed for any drug on the market, and every pharmacist reading this knows that as fact.

-"Oral contraceptives are steroid based chemicals and therefore create an immune-compromising situation which makes individuals more susceptible to infections of all kinds." 

Proof please. Oh I forgot. Wrong type of science.

-"I am very pleased to be able to share...some of the information I have garnered through my own personal research, clinical experience, and assessment of material done by others"

But remember, in no way am I trying to call this science.

-"The blood of women taking oral contraceptives often takes on a green color." 

Wha?

-"Any pharmacist practicing for any length of time has been approached and asked whether he has any outdated birth control pills for use on plants." 

OK this is just weird now. I've been at it 23 years and no one has ever asked me for birth control tablets for plants. So if you're interested in the world of reality you're gonna have to at least say "Every pharmacist except one..."

I could go on all night my friends, hell I could go on for a week. You wouldn't believe the amount of material in here. But that's not my point. Here's what I want you to take away from this book. I also want you to remember APhA gave this man an award

"It is proposed by several researchers that the constant bathing of the female ovaries with exogenous female sex hormones affects the complex chromosome balance of the ovum while still in the ovary. This is hypothesized as a factor in the increased occurrence of effeminate men in the American population with the subsequent practice of homosexuality resulting in the rampant spread of HIV and AIDS infections." 

Whoa. So, this guy is saying being gay is like some sort of birth defect. And APhA honored that.

"Well, APhA is incompetent remember" some of you are saying. "They probably had no idea about this book when they dished out that award."

Except it's listed front and center on their press release announcement. 

We're not done yet though. Hang with me and you'll find out how AIDS came to the United States. It's all covered in one of the last chapters, but you're gonna have to stick around for a bit. This is probably the most complex theory Lloyd comes up with. It goes like this.

1) The initial version of the birth control pill contained much more estrogen than the ones that eventually made it to market, which had much more estrogen than the ones on pharmacy shelves today. 

OK. That much is true.

2) The initial, experimental, versions of high-estrogen oral contraceptives were tested in the slums of Haiti, because there was a large, accessible population that was poor and wouldn't cause much trouble if things went wrong. 

Don't know about that, but certainly not implausible.

3) Remember, there's totally a link between high estrogen birth control and more "effeminate" men. And homos. 

That's what you said earlier. Yes I remember.

4) These experiments were done in the 50s, which means by the 70s there were more....

homos?

...than would be in the normal population. 

OK, I'm gonna quit commenting here and just let this thing play out to the end.

5) There were several vaccines being tested in the Belgian Congo in the 50s and 60s which "are offered as a catalyst for the beginning of HIV" 

6) In the 70s, which would be when the homos created in Haiti would be at peak horniness, a "unique population transfer" occurred as 47,000 Haitians were brought to Zaire to work on "health and welfare activities"  

7) Remember, there were more homos in this population than there would be normally.  

8) And they would do homo things. Because they would be at peak horniness.  

9) And so they would catch the AIDS, and bring it back to Haiti.  

10)  Then it spread throughout North America. 

OF COURSE!!!!!!!! IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE!!!!!!!!!! Big Pharma experimented on the poor people of Haiti, creating a pool of homos, who then grew up and got horny and went to Africa, where there was some sort of mad scientist or something who accidentally created the AIDS virus, and the horny Haitian homos picked up the virus and took it back to Haiti and then into our own country!!


THERE SIMPLY IS NO OTHER WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


OK lets all laugh at that for awhile, and then remember something.

APhA gave that man an award.

And they knew about this book. It's featured in the press release announcing the award's presentation.

Which means whether they meant to or not, the American Pharmacists Association just gave a tacit endorsement to the theory that horny Haitian homos caused AIDS.

This goes way beyond birth control now.

This goes way beyond calling APhA ineffective.

They have some explaining to do.

Let's Have Some Fun With Lloyd Duplantis While We Wait For The Cat To Untie APhA's Tongue.

Here's where we stand on APhA "awardgate" as of this afternoon:

1) The APhA Foundation gives an award to our old friend Lloyd Duplantis, who, it turns out, is about more than keeping birth control pills away from people he feels aren't smart enough to know the risks. Turns out he's a horrible homophobe as well. Go here to catch up on the details if you're just tuning in. 

2) APhA cites Lloyd's homophobic book in the press release announcing their award.

3) The fact that they are supporting bigotry is brought to APhA's attention, whereupon they do...

...absolutely nothing. Not one word from them so far.

Go here to add your name to a petition asking APhA to take back their bone-headed move. 

4) I take that back. They are doing something. They are taking down critical comments posted on the blog of their CEO, Thomas Menighan. Go here, quickly, before they erase the comment field again. 

So to sum up, APhA makes stupid move, refuses to own up to it, and is now trying to erase online evidence of what they've done.

But you can't erase this Thomas Menighan. So today we'll start a new series I'll call "Words APhA Has Honored." We'll take an actual, real excerpt from the book APhA plugged in their press release and put it up here for all the world to see, followed by a little debunking, commentary, or maybe just uproarious laughter

Ready? Here we go:

Here is one sentence from a pill insert- a powerful, real statement which alone should cause many pharmacists to shy away and opt out of filling prescriptions for such dangerous chemicals.  

"The use of oral contraceptives is associated with increased risks...of myocardial infarction, thromboembolism, stroke, hepatic neo-plasia, gall bladder disease, and hypertension." 

Wow. That is scary. But wait, there's more:

Serious cardiovascular, cerebrovascular, and vascular events, including myocardial infarction, sudden cardiac death, ventricular arrhythmia, cerebrovascular hemorrhage, transient ischemic attack, hypertension, subarachnoid and intracerebral hemorrhages, and pulmonary hemorrhage have been reported post-marketing 

Holy crap I'm even more scared now. Except that second quote wasn't from Lloyd's book. I cut and pasted it from Viagra's "pill insert," more commonly known among real pharmacists as the prescribing information.

Because real pharmacists know you can find a a scary line in the "pill insert" of any drug on the market. I could write you up a description of aspirin that would scare your socks off.

APhA knows this too, but chose to honor this guy anyway.

There's plenty more where this came from Thomas Menighan. Enough material to literally keep this thread alive for years. And it'll keep coming, one by one, post after post in a place where you can't erase it, until your organization owns up to what it's done.

It's up to you how long this goes on.

So Here's An Idea About This Whole APhA Awardgate Thing

Tell me what you think.

First, we get a bunch of the books where American Pharmacist's Association Foundation award winner Lloyd Duplantis espouses his theories that birth control pills lead to more gay men, which led to the whole Horny Haitian Homos bringing AIDS to North America thing.

If you're just tuning in, I'm not joking. Click here to get the scoop, or just keep reading the next few posts here.

Then, we get the book's covers stamped with something like "By APhA Foundation award winning author Lloyd Duplantis." Like how Oprah stamps her book club picks.

Then we show up at the APhA convention and give 'em away for free, and let Lloyd's own words do the talking.

The only downers; this would involve Lloyd getting royalties, and I'd have to go to the APhA convention. I'm not sure which is worse.

I'm open to other suggestions.

Hey! Buy My Book!

I can say that now because my book is real! Seriously. The rollout starts today my friends. You can buy a copy at the createspace store right here, right now. An amazon.com listing is coming in about a week, and it should be good to go on the kindle in about 14 days.

I'm not kidding you. I wrote a book. And you can buy it right now.

Why should you? Because it's hilarious. Like I've said, most of it is regurgitated blog material, but I don't have to tell you this blog is a goddamn gold mine. All I had to do was get me one of those prospecting pans and stand in the creek for awhile to come up with 201 pages of solid gold.

Why else? Because with every copy sold an angel in heaven loses its wings, falls out of the sky, and crashes right on the pointy little head of Lloyd Duplantis of Gray, Louisiana. The ending of the book is original material, and if you were shocked, humiliated and/or downright frightened when Lloyd, Karen Bauer, and the rest of those goons at Pharmacists For Life International tried to hijack our profession a few years ago, you'll be happy to know this book's ending will have them frothing at the mouth. The ending of this book may just teach them a thing or two they wish they hadn't learned.

A thing or two they definitely don't want you to know. Guaranteed.

And on top of all that, you might win a free T-shirt. My dear e-friend ThatDeborahGirl has been kind enough to offer to send me ten Drugmonkey based T-shirts she made as part of her screenprinting class. Since I am not only this book's author but chief copy editor, I worry that I might have missed a typo or two. So here's the deal, buy a book, find a typo, point it out to me, and get a free shirt. Everyone wins. You get a shirt and I get out of hiring a copy editor.

And Lloyd Duplantis gets to live with the fact that if it weren't for him inspiring me to do this, the information at the end of this book may have stayed buried forever.

So yeah, you should totally buy a copy now.

From The Mailbag, A Reader Concerned With The State Of My Relations To Federal Affairs.

The message, in its entirety:

So....How's Obama working out for you?! LOL

Glad you asked my friend, as I haven't had much of a chance here to tell folks  how many more prescriptions I'm filling these days from the Obamacare. Funny thing how people tend to give me more business once they're finally able to afford to see a doctor, and a little ironic how the reason I haven't had the time to tell you about all the extra prescriptions I've been filling is because of...all the extra prescriptions I've been filling.

That's the main effect I see as to how the Obama's working out for me. I'd call it a win win for me and my customers.

Of course there's more to a presidency than money for me, so I suppose we should take a minute and ponder some of the other workings out of the Obama administration:

-A quantum leap forward in rights for gays and lesbians.

- A solution to a vexing problem in the Middle East that doesn't involve a bunch of dead people.

-Long overdue recognition that pretending that the government of Cuba doesn't exist is kinda stupid.

-Acknowledgement, at the top federal level, of the idiotic gun culture so unique to us.

-Net neutrality is now federal policy.

-AT&T and T-Mobile were stopped from combining to make your cell phone service even worse than it is now.

-Comcast and Time Warner were stopped from combining to make your cable/internet service even worse than it is now.

-No more federal cheer leading for the likes of Lloyd Duplantis and his ilk. Pharmacists, you'll remember, who got their 15 minutes of fame during the Bush administration for denying women birth control prescriptions.

We'll classify those under "things you definitely wouldn't have got under a President McCain or Romney."

By the way, there have been developments on the Lloyd Duplantis front. Stay tuned.

Back to the Obama workings out though:

-A president who addresses the out of control criminal justice system we've created, and the personal, spiritual, and financial toll it takes on every American.

-An economy that didn't collapse after it was left on the brink by George The Lesser.

Those will go under "things you probably wouldn't have got under those other two guys."

It hasn't all been roses and sunshine though, to wit:

-George The Lesser's wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are still limping along, although another way of looking at it would be two fewer wars have been started than during the previous administration.

-Guantanamo's still there.

-Zero action, at the federal level, regarding the idiotic gun culture so unique to us.

-A monstrosity of a trade deal is working it's way into law. If you haven't read about the Trans Pacific Partnership you should.

Those will go under "things that probably would have happened under a Republican administration."

All in all I'd give Obama a "B," mostly for the increased foot traffic going through my business these days. If I were rotting away in Guantanamo or humping around in Afghanistan, I'd be inclined to grade him a little lower.

Not quite sure why you care about my views so much my anonymous friend, but there you go.

Guess What I Got Today.......Said The Drug Monkey In His Sing-Song Voice.

It will surprise no one working for a corpo-pharmacy chain that my store was a few days behind in putting away our last warehouse order. Our store's labor budget calls for nothing to go wrong, ever. Got to the last tote tonight, and there were the new Over The Counter Plan B's. I've said it before, and I'll say it again:


IN YOUR FACE JESUS!


I was thinking about maybe blowing out the first few packages at cost, maybe calling it the Lloyd Duplantis special. Hmmmmmm.....I like.... Yes, anyone coming to the Drugmonkey's counter asking for the Lloyd Duplantis special will get a Plan B at cost......hell if I'm in a good mood I just might give 'ya one for free and pick up the tab myself.

And if you're past the 72-hour window I'll let you know how you can do a drug induced abortion using a prescription ulcer medicine. No....... not Nexium.

From The Jihad Watch: A Pep Talk For Those Of Us Who Are Living In Dark Times.

Way back when I decided to give birth to this blog, what I had in mind was something like what you'll find at theangrypharmacist.com. Basically I thought it would be a way to keep my writing skills in shape while sharing a wacky customer story or occasional work rant. You may have noticed I digress from that goal from time to time. If you appreciate the difference between me and my angry colleague, you can thank Lloyd DuPlantis Jr. of Gray, Louisiana. Lloyd is also technically a colleague of mine. He also happens to be a Christian fascist who wants to lie in the name of science to further his hatred of women. I still remember the absolute disbelief one morning as I heard Lloyd on National Public Radio for the better part of an hour try to use the credibility of the lab coat to hide his cross. It was like getting hit in the temple. I knew the Christian fascists were out there, I grew up in the Midwest for chrissakes, but I had no idea they were creeping onto MY turf, that the unraveling of 500 years of enlightenment thought and the undoing of the scientific method was coming right to my front door.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I could do. It seemed like all I had was the "it's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness" option. So when I got home I wrote a little rant on blogger.com. Just to be safe though, I also cursed the darkness. It seems I wasn't the only one lighting a candle though. Little fires have been burning all over this country, and their heat is starting to catch fire under the ass of the powerful. The people who were put in office in no small part due to the efforts of people who hold purity balls and worry about sex based cults have now done this:

Barr Laboratories, will resubmit its application for over-the-counter sales of the birth control pill, Plan B, within two weeks. A spokeswoman for the Food and Drug Administration, Susan Bro, said the agency would act quickly on the application.

In Connecticut, the voters have served notice to members of what is supposed to be the left of center political party in this country that they can grow a set of testicles or get out of the way. In Pennsylvania and Kansas, storm troopers in the Christian right's war on science have been shown the door. Do you smell that? It's the pants seat of the powerful starting to burn.

I'm reminded of a story I heard once about a message General Dwight Eisenhower sent out to the hundreds of thousands of GI's getting ready to storm the beaches of Normandy on the eve of D-day in World War II. I'm too lazy to look up the exact details, but it was something to the effect that the Nazi's they were about to face weren't the Nazi's who ran the British off the European continent and crushed Poland a few years before. The Nazi war machine had been weakened and was a shell of it's former self, and the job now was to finish them off. I'm reminded because I want to tell all you candle holders out there the modern day Christian fascists aren't the same group that's been handing us our ass on a platter for the last generation. They've been weakened, and it's up to us to finish them off.

Let's go storm the beach.

Another Nominee For The Lloyd Duplantis Of Gray, Louisiana "Worst Pharmacist Ever" Award.

If you don't know who Lloyd is or why he has the honor of having the "Worst Pharmacist Ever" award named after him, you should search the blog or buy my book. I would prefer you buy my book because then I get money. You also get a kick-ass book. Total win-win.

Anyway, our tale today comes from the land of Donny Osmond and Brigham Young. A land formerly of many wives and currently of world class skiing. I'm talking of course of Iowa. No I'm not. I just decided to mess with you there for some reason. We all know it's Utah. To the city of Draper and the town's local K-Mart, which employed a pharmacist named Robert Lammle:

Police said Lammle decided "to mess" around with the customer’s prescription on Oct. 20 after he verified with a doctor that the prescription for 240 oxycodone pills she provided was fraudulent.

Hm, this is actually kinda promising so far. I'm generally in favor of messing around with prescription forgers.

Lammle filled the prescription bottle with M&M candies and sold it to the woman

And if the story ended there our reaction could be... bwwwaaahhhaaahhaaahhaaaaa. I once worked with a guy who actually did this. The story doesn't end there though.

When the woman called later in the day complain about the candy

....which takes some chutzpah.

 police said Lammle told her she had to pay him $500 or else he’d turn her over to authorities and she’d lose custody of her children.

Hahahahaha....just a little messing around. Kinda like when I just told you I was writing about Iowa. Except I didn't try to make you give me $500. It gets better though.

Four days later, the two allegedly met in secret at Kmart and Lammle gave the woman 240 pills for free, charging documents state. Police said he told her she had week to sell them and bring him $3,000.

 Another pharmacist, coming back from lunch, ran into the woman in the store’s parking lot and watched her run up to the drive-thru window and obtain the bag of drugs. That pharmacist checked the pharmacy’s records and noticed that Lammle had generated a prescription for the pills, police said.

A solid argument for making sure every pharmacist gets a lunch and every pharmacy drive through gets shut down I would say.

On Oct. 30, the customer called Lammle and told him she was only able to sell half the pills, and he told her to bring $1,500 and the remaining 120 tablets at night when he was working alone, police said. Investigators said the woman hadn’t actually sold any of the tablets. 

Lammle was charged with the third-degree felonies of solicitation or arranging to distribute a controlled substance, obtaining a prescription under false pretenses and a misdemeanor count of attempted theft by extortion.

By the way, I once heard Donny Osmond tell Howard Stern he'd never once had a blowjob, and I believe him. There's something about Mormons that fascinates me. So creepily clean-cut. That doesn't have anything to do with this though. I guess my mind is wandering.

Lammle, 51, of Salt Lake City, later told Drug Enforcement Administration agents that he thought his "pressure" tactics would force the woman to get help and go to rehab for her purported drug addiction problems.

 Which totally explains the $3500 he was going to get from the deal. He was probably going to donate the cash to pay for her treatment.

Mr. Lammle, your name is now officially in nomination. I have a feeling you may soon learn more about blowjobs that you ever thought a person could know.

Thanks to the alert reader who tipped me to the story.

Lloyd DuPlantis Of Gray, Louisiana May Finally Have Some Competition For The Title Of World's Most Evil Pharmacist

Through the magic of the internet, we go to Boston, a town deeply affected for some reason because a group of large men not from there lost a playfight over an air filled leather sack yesterday:

BOSTON—Prosecutors say they cannot press rape charges against a pharmacist who allegedly posed as a gynecologist and examined two women because of a half-century old state law that says an assault can't be considered rape if consent is obtained through fraud or deceit.

Police charged pharmacist Nicholas Creanza with rape after he allegedly lured the women into the back room of his Springfield pharmacy and gave them exams. Because the women consented to the exams, even though they were being deceived, by law it could not be considered rape, Hampden County prosecutors said in dropping the charges.

Creanza was arrested in 2005 after two women told police he assaulted them at the Louis & Clark pharmacy in Springfield.

From the Louis & Clark website:

Louis & Clark has actively anticipated and responded to the health care needs of the people of our region for nearly forty years, bringing it to its current status as the region’s premier independent pharmacy and health care solutions provider, with eight vibrant locations and an unmatched array of services.

I can't argue with them there. Fake gynecological exams by creepy pervs who aren't doctors would definitely be a health care solution unmatched by any pharmacy in the country. I hope.

Louis & Clark also has a button at the top of their website that reads "Get in Touch." I was afraid to click on it.

Thanks to the alert reader who sent me the story.

Pharmacy Art Picture #4. I Call It "A Party I Wasn't Invited To"

They all showed up in today's order, we sell like one or two a week max:

I

I have no idea what information those in the corporate office may be privy to that I am not, but I wish they'd tell me.

This post is dedicated to Lloyd Duplantis Jr. of Gray, Louisiana. 

Apparently Pharmacy Has A Code Of Ethics. Who Knew?

Not me. But there it was in black and white in the latest issue of the trade magazine Drug Topics. The code of ethics by the way, was by far the most interesting thing in that rag, Jim Plagakis being the exception that proves the rule. Why Jim continues to do the clowns that think we'd be interested to read about drugstores in the suburbs on Atlanta putting in generators and publishes statements like "Tylenol was one of the top acetaminophen products suggested" the favor of writing for them baffles me. 

Name another acetaminophen product. 

Quick. C'mon. No Googling. 

See my point? Drug Topics hurts my eyes, and if it weren't for Jim Plagakis and the curiosity aroused by seeing an alleged code of ethics that governs my profession, I might have had to try to gouge them out this Christmas Eve to stop the pain. 

Evidently The Code of Ethics for Pharmacists was adopted by the American Pharmaceutical Association in 1994. The involvement of APhA in the code of ethics goes a long way towards explaining why no one has ever heard of it. 

Name an accomplishment of APhA. 

This time you don't have to be quick, and you can use the Google all you want. See my point? But, since some geeks most likely spent the better part of a week debating what should go into this code of ethics, then another day or two deciding if the bullet points should be marked with little dots or a dash-like symbol, I figured I might as well see how I stacked up. It was Christmas Eve remember, which means there wasn't much else to do in the happy pill room. 

- A pharmacist respects the covenantal relationship between the patient and pharmacist. 

What? Covenantal? That's Jesus talk. Forget that. Unless APhA is trying to say something like my customers should worship me. I could totally respect that, and it would be the most sensible thing to come out of APhA's mouth in years. 

- A pharmacist promotes the good of every patient in a caring, compassionate, and confidential manner. 

Confidential? Check. Caring and compassionate? Mmmmm....not so much. I'll make sure your prescription gets filled correctly, and if you have questions I'll do my best to get the answers through your pointy little head, but most of the time, if you decide to walk out the front door of my store and take a flying leap off a cliff, I wouldn't give it a second thought.  Yeah, I think caring's definitely off the list. 

- A pharmacist respects the autonomy and dignity of each patient. 

Autonomy = Your right to decide to have your prescription filled somewhere else. Yeah, I totally respect that. 

Dignity? Yet to be tested on that one. As soon as I get a customer with some dignity I'll let you know how it turns out. 

- A pharmacist acts with honesty and integrity in professional relationships. 

Check. There's no need for me to rip you off or lie to you any more than Big Pharma already does. 

- A pharmacist maintains professional competence. 

Why exactly did this one make the list? We have to be told we should make an effort to know what we're doing? Sigh. Moving on....

- A pharmacist respects the values and abilities of colleagues and other health professionals. 

Nope. Because the values of Lloyd Duplantis, of Gray, Louisiana do not belong in our profession, and deserve no respect. 

As far as other health professionals,  I will respect the ability of a Physician's Assistant to be able to write a prescription that makes sense just as soon as I see a prescription from a Physician's Assistant that does. 

- A pharmacist serves individual, community, and societal needs. 

I need to get laid right now. That's my individual need. So according to APhA, there's another pharmacist out there that will serve that. Sweet. 

- A pharmacist seeks justice in the distribution of health resources. 

OK, now I feel bad. I've been mocking the APhA throughout this whole post and then they have to go and spring this one on me at the end. If only there were any justice in the distribution of health resources. If APhA magically became able to be effective at something, this is what I would pick for APhA to actually be able to do. 

Unfortunately it took them 14 years to make me aware they consider me to be a woefully ethically challenged pharmacist.  I expect they'll write in sometime in 2022 and tell me I should have used little dots to mark their bullet points. 

APhA sucks.