I Publish A Spoiler From My Awesome First Book As A Rear Guard, Guerrilla Action In The War On Women

I knew this day would come.

I've watched for years as the forces waging war on a woman and her uterus have gathered and run rampant over the countryside. As they evolved from small cells born in the ashes of defeat after Roe v. Wade to the forces of reactionary Puritanism that have become marauding bands of sexual police barbarians. Sometimes highly educated barbarians, as in the case of Lloyd Duplantis of Gray, Louisiana, a pharmacist who won a few minutes of national notoriety  for, among other things, declaring that birth control pills are "the most dangerous chemicals on the market" and becoming the lab coat wearing face of the war on Plan B, the morning after pill. I wrote my first book primarily as a bitchslap against Lloyd and his ilk, and by any measure I was wildly successful, as that chemical that he thought so dangerous is now available for the asking for anyone 17 and up, and will soon be easier to get than Sudafed. Lloyd is no longer a figurative loser, but a literal one as well.

In my book I took Lloyd one further though. Rant and rave as he and his kind do that Plan B and other morning after pills cause an abortion, they do not. I won't go so far as to say Lloyd is lying, but anyone with a pharmacist's background should know that what he says about Plan B isn't true. Maybe Lloyd just isn't very smart. So I decided to educate him a bit by publishing another bit of information any pharmacist should know. How to induce an actual, real, abortion using the old time ulcer medicine misprostol  (Cytotec)

Isn't that ironically funny? Lloyd rants about a pill that doesn't cause an abortion so I tell the world about a pill that does. Ha ha ha ha......I should get some sort of an award.

The closest I've come to that so far though is leading the way for The New York Times, which told the world today that after the new....cough cough......"safety" regulations soon to be passed in Texas that will have the toooooooootallly unintended consequence of forcing most abortion clinics there to shut their doors, there will most likely be a run across the border, where Mexican pharmacies will sell you a pack of misoprostol with few or no questions asked. Here's a quote from that article:

"When asked how women should use the pills, some of the pharmacists said they did not know and others recommended wildly different regimes that doctors say could be unsafe,"

 Which means that State Senator Glen Hegar, chief sponsor of the Texas bill who says he wants not to limit abortion access “but to increase the quality of care.” Will be driving women in his state into the hands of Mexican pharmacists with their head squarely up their ass. Pharmacists stupider than Lloyd Duplantis even.

Yeah, I knew this day would come. It's nice to sell books and all, and even after two years that little book of mine still sells pretty well, but I always had a feeling that at some point making the information about how to use misoprostol as safely as possible would be more important than any book royalties earned. Here's another quote from the Times:

When used properly in the early weeks of pregnancy, misoprostol, which causes uterine contractions and cervical dilation, induces a miscarriage about 85 percent of the time, according to Dr. Grossman. But many women receive incorrect advice on dosage and, especially later in pregnancy, the drug can cause serious bleeding or a partial abortion, he said.

Yup. That day is here. This is a word per word copy of a chapter lifted right out of my book. It's copyrighted, but feel free to save it, send it, post it, or spread the information around as much as you'd like. Just don't sell it. And also know that I DON'T recommend this. I would much rather you see and be under the care of a real doctor with real experience in ending a pregnancy, but the authorities in Texas, and Ohio, Wisconsin, Arkansas, Arizona, North Dakota, and too many other states have seen fit to make that less likely to happen. When you have limited options, you make the best of what's left to you.

Here you go:

Chapter Title, "This One's For You Lloyd Duplantis"

Cytotec. That's the brand name of the anti-ulcer medicine misoprostol that has been around since 1988. Any doctor anywhere in the country can write a prescription for misoprostol, and while it's not as big a seller as it used to be, the chances are pretty good a pharmacy in your town has it on the shelf,  just like any prescription, and if you don't have any insurance, it should easily cost you less than $30.

It can also be used to induce an abortion. If that's what you want to do, have your doctor write a prescription as follows:

Cytotec 200mcg
#12 tablets
Take as directed

Then take four of the tablets and dissolve them under your tongue. Three hours later dissolve four more, then wait three hours and do it a third time. Another option is to insert four tablets vaginally and repeat with four more in 24 hours. Talk it over with your doctor and decide which way is best for you.

Also, please read the rest of this before you do anything.

First off, let's be clear. Unlike when you take Plan B, you will be ending a viable pregnancy when you take misoprostol. This is an abortion, and if an abortion is not what you want, than you should not take misoprostol. 

Misoprostol is not without side effects or risks. The drug works by expelling the fetus, which means you will experience cramps, possibly stronger than anything you've gone through with your period. You can take some over the counter Aleve (naproxen sodium) to help with these cramps if they are troublesome.

You may also experience chills, fever, nausea, vomiting or diarrhea after taking misoprostol. Fever can be treated with naproxen or Tylenol, but if it lasts more than 24 hours you should check with your doctor. Nausea can be treated with over the counter Dramamine. 

Misoprostol doesn't always work. It has a success rate of anywhere from 80 to 90%, and there is a chance if it fails it can cause birth defects. You should start to experience bleeding within the first day after taking misoprostol, if no bleeding occurs, than the abortion has failed. Misoprostol should not be used at all after the 9th week of pregnancy due to the risk of excessive bleeding, and should not be used if you have an IUD. 

Seek immediate medical attention if,  after using misoprostol, you experience heavy bleeding (soaking more than two maxi pads per hour for more than two hours), feel dizzy or lightheaded, or have a fever for more than 24 hours. 

If you end up in the hospital, the symptoms will be identical to a spontaneous miscarriage. The medical staff will not know you tried to induce an abortion. 

Now you know how you can get an abortion for the cost of a doctor's visit and your prescription copay. Do I think it's the best method? No, I don't. Misoprostol combined with Mifeprex is more effective, but I'm aware it won't always be an option, and unlike too many in the medical professions, I think you should be aware of all the options available to you. 

And now you are. 

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In your face Lloyd Duplantis, and now, in your face, assholes of the Texas legislature.