.....but for lunch today I walked over to the grocery store on the other side of the parking lot. It's the most expensive grocery store in town, so much so that they would probably be insulted at the very idea that they be lumped into the same category as Safeway and the commoners that establishment caters to. The main appeal of this grocery store is that rich people can go there and show how much more in tune with their bodies they are than you, because they spend twice as much on food, wait, I'm sorry, nourishment, than you ever will.
That's not the part I'm afraid to admit to. I just bought a sandwich. Of course it wasn't called a sandwich. It had a name that was almost a compete sentence that I can't remember now but made me feel good about spending $10 on it at the time.
It was when I sat down at a table after buying my sandwich that was too full of itself to call itself a sandwich, half looking at the newspaper, half looking around at the crowd of people who made up this store's customers, and asked myself a simple question:
"If I lost it right now and had access to an assault weapon, which of these people would I shoot?"
Because honestly, playing out that scenario in your mind is a lot of fun, and it's more of a challenge than you would think.
Of course some answers are obvious. About 20% of the time a person walks by and you say "Oh hell yeah." Sometimes it's a no-brainer let-em-live. Most of the time though, it's not as cut and dried as you'd think. You start asking yourself things like:
"What's my ammunition status?"
"Are the cops closing in, meaning I'm only gonna have a few shots left? If that's the case, yeah, the asshole in the beret gets it, if for no other reason than for thinking he looks good in a beret"
The lunch break flew by, and I hadn't been so entertained during the workday since the time I saw a dog bite some retarded kid. What I learned is that to be a successful serial killer on a rampage, you have to have very good on the fly decision making skills.
That's the part I'm not so sure I should admit to. Anyway, I'm back at it tomorrow.
Work that is. No lunch on Sundays.
17 comments:
IIIIIIIIII know which grocery store you're talking about cause IIIIIIIII know where you work :)
I do this daily at the pharmacy...their burden on the Medicaid/Medicare system, aka my tax dollars also plays into my decision as to whether they are worth the ammo.
handcuffs for the assistant manager?
I think you should save your ammo for the people who invented "Shake and Scan"
I'm new to your blog and I have to tell you I LOVE IT. I am also a retail pharmacist and quote you on a daily basis. The other night I was doing an online "live" CEU and you kept me very entertained. So just wanted to say thanks. Oh and wow you get an actual lunch break? lucky lucky
I have a tazor that I haven't used. I find myself wondering who would be a good candidate for that first sweet take down with my tazor sometimes.
I'm more entertained by fantasizing about whom I would enjoy torturing. Actually mowing them down with an assault weapon has no appeal for me.
trader joes or whole foods
One of my favorites is to imagine you are stranded in a remote location with your coworkers (works with family and customers too). There is no food and you are starving....the only way for anyone to survive is to kill one of the group for food. Who would you eat first?? This has provided our pharmacy staff with some pretty entertaining conversations on slow days...
i think asian friend is a bit stalkerish. beware.
christ almighty..
go buy grand theft auto and work out those sicko
mumblies in your brain.
every 16 year old boy in america does.
Anonymous said...
i think asian friend is a bit stalkerish. beware.
:) Obviously...
"a bit"? C'mon don't underestimate me... I bet I could ace a DrugMonkey pop quiz.. and score some extra credit, too.
Should I be afraid if you ask me out on a lunch date? God, I just love your sick mind.
MJ
betcha i could beat ya, asian friend. hands down. ;)
(DM - "meooooooooow" - hahaha)
I do this myself, and variations on it. (how would I get things past security in this building, for instance) Partly because it's a welcome diversion and partly because I play a lot of RPGs and most player characters are constantly doing violent/illegal things and it's good to keep in mental practice.
.. yah, I know, I'm a nerd.
http://www.someecards.com/upload/most_popular/im_glad_you_can_vent_your_white_collar_frustration.html
Uh, I think I know the grocery store to which you're referring--I've blogged about myself--and if I am right, then you used to fill my prescriptions before I hightailed it back to the East Coast.
Post a Comment