The American Family Association obviously didn't foresee the problems that might arise with its strict policy to always replace the word "gay" with "homosexual" on the Web site of its Christian news outlet, OneNewsNow. The group's automated system for changing the forbidden word wound up publishing a story about a world-class sprinter named "Tyson Homosexual" who qualified this week for the Beijing Olympics.
The problem: Tyson's real last name is Gay. Therefore, OneNewsNow's reliable software changed the Associated Press story about Tyson Gay's amazing Olympic qualifying trial to read this way:
Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue, sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone ever has. Homosexual qualified for his first Summer Games team and served notice he's certainly someone to watch in Beijing.
"It means a lot to me," the 25-year-old Homosexual said. "I'm glad my body could do it, because now I know I have it in me."
Wait. It gets better.
Wearing a royal blue uniform with red and white diagonal stripes across the front, along with matching shoes, all in a tribute to 1936 Olympic star Jesse Owens, Homosexual dominated the competition. He started well and pulled out to a comfortable lead by the 40-meter mark. This time, he kept pumping those legs all the way through the finish line, extending his lead. In Saturday's opening heat, Homosexual pulled way up, way too soon, and nearly was caught by the field, before accelerating again and lunging in for fourth place.
I think the lesson here is that to be a successful homosexual, you must always remember to keep those legs pumping. And never, ever, pull way up, way too soon.
But wait. It gets better. They guy who finished in second place? His name was Dix. I swear.
After the race, Homosexual and Dix looked at each other and slapped palms, then hugged.
Is that what they call it these days? Slapping palms? Well good for Homosexual. If I were gay and had just qualified for the Olympics, I might be tempted to slap a little palm with some Dix myself.
Stupid Christians.
10 comments:
Your blog is great. I've been reading for over 6 months now, and I have to say your dig on the ins-and-outs of retail has opened my eyes! Keep writing!
You know, that POOR GUY!!!! I bet he was picked on ALL his life in school and the playgrounds. And finally, he made it big and vowed that his athletics will shut up the bullies. His talents got him to the Olympics and now this media org OFFICIALLY embarrassed him more than any lay-person bully could. Poor guy.
Omg, that's hilarious. Where do you find this stuff?
Best. Ever. Funnily enough, I do a similar thing on my site--but instead of censoring the word "gay," I replace "Christian Coalition" with "douchebags" and "American Family Association" with "bigoted @ssholes."
Wow, that is absolutely hilarious.
Sometimes the truth is stranger--and gayer--than fiction.
MJ
Thank you, Drug Monkey, for giving me a chuckle and for setting my imagination reeling.
Wouldn't it be fun if we could hack into the AFA's web site and replace every reference to the word "Christian" with the word "Queer?" Replace "worship" with "buttfuck." Replace "minister" with "cocksucker."
e.g. "On Sunday, the Cocksuckers at all the Queer churches in town called on the parishoners to buttfuck God in their own way."
o m g i literally laughed out loud
good stuff as always
tnt
That is the best!! They couldn't have done more to focus on gays if they tried. I'm rolling!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GMZjkNW5b8
Are you SURE you're not gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that....
How come the Queen namesake isn't tagged as one of the "seriously... it's their real name" blog entries?
Bumm bumm chhhh.
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