Just take the Goddamn car you little shit. It's only a matter of time before you get yourself into a mess your old man won't be able to get your sorry ass out of. We might as well get it over with. Just take the goddamn car.
Do you really think I don't know what you're up to with that little ho of yours? Or that weed is odorless? Just because I'm too fucking tired to see straight after getting my head pounded in for 12 hours at the store doesn't mean I'm blind. Here's a tip; lambskin condoms don't stop AIDS. Not that I have any illusions you'll start listening to me now.
You know what I'm gonna do tonight while you're busy finding a way to wrap the car around a tree? I'm gonna catch up on all the sleep I lost walking you around in circles when you were crying with the colic. I'm gonna doze off in between sheets that aren't the least bit stained with spit up. Spit up is the most disgusting substance known to humankind, and I have seen the last of it. I'll probably be so goddamn nice and cozy I'll sleep right through the call from the sheriff's department asking me to bail you out of the pen. Think of your night in jail as the karma go round for you registering as a Republican to try and get under my skin. Christ, I wish I would have turned around and shot you on the wall. Totally, totally, wish I had never had you.
Wait. I didn't have you. I forgot there for a second. I feel better now.
12 comments:
That post made me sad DrugMonkey. No more "letters to kids I didn't have", okay?
i love when you get all sentimental and hallmark-y. melts my very heart.
you are a regular softy, oh sweet monkey of drugs.
Your hypothetical son sounds like my "jumpoff"
What's your hypothetical daughter like?
Christ, I wish I would have turned around and shot you on the wall.
LOL I missed that the first time around!!! ahahahahah very nice
Where did you get that picture of me and why are you talking about my children?
Stop moderating your comments and get your monkey butt to work!!
I meant to include this in my previous comment...
http://photos-b.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sctm/genericv2b/1731/52/01AwcA9gvmcikAAAABAAAAAAAAAAA:.jpg
John McCain's newest ad has clips of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton alongside clips of Obama.. *smacks forehead*
Wow. Cynical.
Congratulations for not succumbing to the biological imperative.
And also, that picture is absolutely hilarious.
Drugmonkey, is your hypothetical son hot like you?
MJ
This is funny to me because:
1) I did have a daughter in 1992 who is now 16 as of this month
2) I am literally chasing boys off with a stick: a boy walked her home from school last spring and gave her a hug - I tried to run him over with my car - he hasn't been back and good riddance - I don't want to be a grandmother before I'm 50
3) My pregnancy wasn't planned but I could not face an abortion - and I'm so glad I didn't. When I think of the alternative of not having this wonderful, awful, brilliant, bitchy, loving, selfish, intelligent, ignorant being in my life - I cringe a little.
Still not my right to make that choice for anyone else though. Why some people don't get that is beyond me.
Happy Unbirthday to your Non-Existent Kid.
This is the last comment I'm going to leave on this post. Pinky swear..
If you "didn't have" that 16 year old BEFORE pharmacy school instead of after, you'd be writing to the 21 year old you never had. And I could've been "that little ho" of his.
jeez.
i thought my 16 year old was dating your son.
oh well
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