Sometimes When I've Had A Bad Day, When I Hate Life And My Job, I Thank God I Am Not The Tostitos Fiesta Bowl Corporate Stooge.

I'm not sure really why I had the game on in the first place. I had long ago lost interest in the way large men play fight over a leather sack. Background noise I guess. The game was over anyway, and it seemed like the only thing happening was a bunch of the large men were happy because they playfought better than another bunch of large men. They were screaming and hollerin' and really looked like they were on the verge of being out of control they were so happy. I guess I couldn't blame them. Evidently this was the playfighting national championship game, and they had just shown the world that they playfought better than anyone else in the country.

Then I saw the guy in the suit. He was positioning a bag of chips for the camera. I'm not making this up. The man was desperately trying to find the best angle for the Tostitos while another guy in a suit interviewed the leader of the playfighters. The interview taught us that:

The playfighters were a good group of young men.

They had worked very hard during the school year at their playfighting.

The other group of playfighters were also talented, and deserved credit for playfighting to the best of their ability.

I became obsessed with watching this interview, not because of the revelations I was getting concerning the playfighters, but because the first suited man continued to make sure the Tostitos were always in the camera shot. I knew there had to be a memo somewhere regarding the placement of postgame Tostitos. Tostitos had paid a lot of money to have their name splattered all over this playfight, and Johnson in the suit's job was to make sure they got every pennies worth.

When the interview was over, Johnson stepped forward with all the enthusiasm he could muster, and said :

"How about some Tostitos coach?"

He was still holding the bag so the logo was perfectly angled for the camera. My heart broke for Johnson's teenage children. Coach gave Johnson a "you fucking die" look and walked away, leaving Johnson on the stage with his smile still frozen in place. Never in my life had I seen someone so completely prostitute out every shred of self dignity they possessed in service to the soulless entity that is the multinational corporation.

It's not even like he was plugging Doritos. Tostitos suck.

So no matter how bad your day was my friend, no matter what indignity life has thrown your way, no matter what you had to do to put some food in your stomach so you can continue that futile doomed quest that is life, just know that you are not the Tostitos corporate stooge. Neither am I.

I think we can both feel good about that.