Saturday, April 19, 2008

Highlights From This Weekend's Pill Counting Action. One Day Before The Weekend Is Over.

The first customer of the day slammed his vial on the counter. "THESE DON'T WORK!!" He semi-screamed. "ALL THEY DO IS MAKE ME PISS!"

The prescription was for furosemide. Time for my counseling star to shine baby.

The customer also had a prescription for Prozac that ordered me to "dispense 60 tablets by mouth" Maybe the act of me forming a nice little Prozac spitball then getting them to the patient like a mama bird was supposed to help snap him out of his depression. Anyway, after I puked Prozac all over him I explained that furosemide is a diuretic, which means that it does in fact make you piss a lot.

As this was going on a lady asked the high school kid mopping the cough/cold aisle where the Nasonex was. I watched them search the allergy section together for a good 10 minutes. Nasonex is prescription-only. I'm a bad man.

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"Do you have any allergies to medicines?"

"You mean right now?"

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A fax showed up from a doctor's office intended for the Safeway on the other side of town. I forwarded it to it's intended recipient and was rewarded for my good deed with a phone call a few minutes later:

"I'm not filling this! I can't be sure it really came from the doctor!!"

Good call Safeway. Because you really can't be too careful when you're dealing with ibuprofen prescriptions on a doctor's letterhead faxed to you from a licensed pharmacy. Sometimes the customer is not the idiot.

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"Hi, I'm calling from Dr. Dumbass' office with a prescription for a patient. Do you need the patients name?"

I decided I didn't, and just gave the pills she ordered to the next person who came up to the counter. Sometimes the customer isn't the idiot two times in a row.

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"Is this the first time we've filled prescriptions for you?"

"Yes....oh....you mean today?"

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My technicians love the netflix. I don't know why. I never did hop on the netflix bandwagon even though I'm white enough to glow in the dark. This morning though, my technicians were talking netflix yet again.....

"You have to see 'No Country For Old Men' next"

"They made a movie about Drugmonkey?"

Middle age approaches like a towing thundercloud on the horizon.....

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The woman at the counter had tried to dress professionally but looked rather unnatural in her clothes. Go to any office park during lunch hour and you'll see no shortage of her type trying to powerwalk around the parking lot while wondering what Oprah would have eaten. "Is this the best thing to deal with stress?" she asked. She was holding a box of store-brand Ducolax.

I've learned the best thing to do in these situations is to get them talking. "What kind of stress are you dealing with exactly?" I said the words slowly, biding for time so I could think why on earth this woman thought she needed a stimulant laxative to deal with the burdens life was putting upon her.

"It's nothing in particular. I just need some help to relax sometimes so I can sleep."

Mystery solved. Relax. You see, the box of the store-brand Dulcolax was labeled only as "Corpo-pharmacy laxative"

Relax/laxative. Get it? Welcome to my world.

A full weekend of pill counting highlights and still a day to go....

13 comments:

Romius T. said...

I am going to try and not be upset that you are supporting a huge blog like SWPL and passed on linking one of my many netflix stories. Only because we go way back and you bought me RC that one time!

Florida CPhT said...

Hope you told Dulcolax lady to have a drink instead. It's a damn good thing she asked you, or she'd be wondering why...

Anonymous said...

These are the stories that I live for. So funny. Can barely believe some of them, but on the other hand I've lived many just as bad. Keep up the great work!

Anonymous said...

Middle age approaches like a towing thundercloud on the horizon.....

middle age? i'd still hit that. haha =)

Jenda said...

When my day gets me down and I am talking to my fiftieth manic-depressive or schizophrenic (two large onging groups fo cases, two ongoing settlements) in the last two hours, I focus on the fact that I made most of them happier and calmer. After all, i work for them and represent their iterests, if not always the way they want.
That might make you feel better without going all Dilbert.

Beth in TX said...

Gotta love that pill-counting action!!

RainDrop said...

When the Dr's office asked you if you'd need the patient's name, you could have asked, "Now why would I need that?"
To which she would say, "So you'd know whom to dispense the meds to"
And then you could say, "Ah! You are clever, aren't you?"

Anonymous said...

My highlight question of the day: Can I take naltrexone and oxycodone together? I took a half a tablet and forgot and then I threw up. Do you think I'm going through withdrawal??

kario said...

Maybe that poor lady is like my husband and the only place he can relax (read: hide from the wife and kids and have some peace) is in the bathroom with the newspaper....

Just a thought.

Heather said...

A Prozac spit-ball. That's good...but I think my idea of aerosol Prozac is better. Happy happy happy.

Madam Z said...

Do things like this happen to pharmacists in India? China? Haiti? Or is it only our once great country? Are you worried? I am.

anon., CPhT said...

The "dispense by mouth" made me sporfle. These are so hilarious they almost make me want to work in retail.

OH SWEET JESUS WHAT AM I SAYING?!?! *checks self into psych ward*

asian friend said...

3:30PM. I think it's obvious that I made that comment.

Are you keeping count on how many of these I've commented on? I bet your mailbox is full. Sorry.