Saturday, January 05, 2008

You Suppose There's A Little Tension In The Clinton Household These Days?

The scene, inside an airplane somewhere between Iowa and New Hampshire last Thursday night, the laughter of Bill Clinton as he chats with a campaign aide is heard above the sound of jet engines:

Bill Clinton: "......oh man...what a week. I almost forgot how much I liked the mayor of Davenport. It was good to reconnect.....kinda wish I had made him Secretary of Agriculture now like I promised I was going to. Lots of good memories...." He knocks back the last of a scotch and soda.

Campaign Aide: "Remember when we went through.....where was it? Des Moines or Cedar Rapids? At that rally in '96 and a chick lifted her shirt and had "Bob Dole can suck these" written across her boobs? That's about all Mr. Viagra could have done with that woman."

Bill and the campaign aide again burst out in inappropriately loud drunken laughter. The rest of the plane is deathly silent. Hillary Clinton stares out of the window and snaps a pen in half.

Bill walks to the back of the plane and returns minutes later with two handfuls of food and drink. After settling into his seat he looks over at Hillary .....

"Doughnut?" He asks.

Hillary lunges across the aisle and grabs Bill by the testicles.

"I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DO NOT SHUT UP RIGHT NOW YOU WILL NEVER USE THESE AGAIN!!!!!!"

The tensest of all silences now engulfs the cabin. Hillary releases her death grip after about 30 seconds. Bill finishes his doughnuts and rises once again from his seat.

"We'll see how they get used" he mutters under his breath. He casually makes his way to the room where the stewardess is preparing coffee. They share a sly smile. Bill closes the door behind them.

Disclaimer: None of this actually happened. I'm just poking some fun at Hillary because she voted for the war and I hope she loses again on Tuesday.

You know what to do New Hampshire.



10 comments:

CrankyProf said...

Did you see Obama slam her ass in the debate?

She was taking credit for "her" previous accomplishments in the White House," and O-man said, "I respect Bill Clinton for accomplishing a lot."

It brought a tear to my eye.

NHPhrmr said...

Don't worry I will do my job at 8:00 before I go to work :)

On a side note, how could you vote for someone named Huckabee....seriously Presiden Hickabee, how retarded does that sound? The international community does not respect us already, what would they think of us if he was president?

Also, how could you vote for Huckabee after screwing up so much international stuff...do the Republicans like Bush that much, we could follow one international relations moron with another!

I dont want nasty responses etc to the Huckabee stuff, they are more food for thought, I really don't want an answer :)

Romius T. said...

for the first three paragraphs i believed it was real!

DMS said...

I'm a med student at Dartmouth and I'll be backing our guy Obama at 10 on Tuesday morning (damn required class at 8).

Mother Jones RN said...

Drugmonkey, you were on the plane with Bill, and you're writing from notes. Admit it, Dude, you're a spy for the Obama camp. The events sound too real not to have happened.

MJ

Heather said...

Today I was held up at my pharmacy for an hour. Why?

Because some bitch, with three screaming children in tow, swore up and down she had scripts filled their before, and didn't understand why her medical card (which had ABSOLUTELY NO script info) wasn't helping them. The amazingly patient and way too nice tech spent that much time on the phone with her insurance co trying to figure out who handles her script claims.

This woman just kept yelling at all of them over the counter. There were two pharmacists on at the time. About 5 of us were waiting for scripts, but this woman was acting like she was Queen of the friggin' world, and why the hell couldn't they get the info off of the damn card?!!?

I thought of you a lot while waiting. As annoyed as I was, I just took the time to wander around the store (rhymes with Shmarget). And if I could have tipped my pharmacist, I would have.

What a bitch. Sorry your job sucks so much.

Archie said...

Obama?

A pharmacist of all people should know that his health care plan is weak. Since you don't like Hillary, look at Edward's plan. He actually pushes for universal health insurance. And he starts moving us toward a single-payer insurance. Look at countries like France - pharmacists there don't have to deal with the bullshit of HMOs and checking each and every person's benefits against their plan specifics. The savings in admin time and cost is enormous. To get a prescription, you walk into the pharmacy, give your prescription, they get it, they swipe your insurance card, you pay the copay and you walk out. In total it's less than 5 minutes, including the line in front of the pharmacist. And yet they manage to consume more drugs and pay less on them than us. Funny how it works.

Anonymous said...

But wait...I was that stewardess...wait - i guess i was dreaming of B again. Damn!

TC said...

It's eerie, but I can even hear Bill's voice saying "yew wanta doh-nut?"

Forty_Two said...

Clivus Multrum for President!!