In his new budget to be unveiled Monday, President Bush will call for large cuts in the growth of Medicare, far exceeding what he proposed last year, and he will again seek major savings in Medicaid, according to administration officials and budget documents.
Reached for comment in the lung of an elderly woman at Grady Memorial Hospital in Atlanta, Mycobacterium tuberculosis said "While on the surface the cut in health care funding for America's elderly and poor would seem to be a good thing, we have to remember that the conditions setting the stage for my comeback are not all financial. It is my sincere hope that the money my prey spends for health care will not only not cover the cost of inflation, but that Americans will never realize that they could actually spend less and be more effective in their genocidal campaign against my species by simply copying the health care system of Canada."
"Overall, I'd say the president's budget makes me cautiously optimistic" concluded the bacterium.
At its headquarters in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo, the Ebola virus issued an emotional, short statement:
"HUMANS DIE!!!!! said the virus through an interpreter. "ME FIND YOU! YOU MAKE JOB EASIER!!!!!"
Sources said Ebola was especially excited about the president's proposal to to reduce special Medicare payments to teaching hospitals by $23 billion dollars*
"THEY KNOW NOTHING OF ME NOW" said Ebola. "THEY NO WANT TO LEARN? ME KILL THEM!!!!!!"
Meanwhile, a spokesman for bird flu promised that if Bush's funding proposals were accepted by Congress, it would limit its effects only to those without good health insurance once it developed a way to cross the species barrier.
"We have our best viruses working on how to infect humans more effectively" said the spokesman. "But we are willing to spare the rich among you if you only give us a chance to taste sweet, sweet, human blood"
"You can trust the word of a bird flu virus" he concluded. What's in your wallet?
*You know the quotes are made up. The special cut in funding for teaching hospitals, however, is real.
5 comments:
it would be so much funnier if it wasn't true... Obama 08!
Clearly the problem with healthcare is too much "teaching" and "learning" going on. If Bush can be president without doing either of those things, why can't doctors, nurses, and pharmacists just hand out their pills without all the jibber-jabber?
Too bad D. Kucinich dropped out.....That being said, read this, then go read HR 676 in House committee right now.
Not that I truly expect that type of change, but mostly that we actually have politicians that sincerely envision this type of change in health care.
The difference being that after 7 years (med school plus residency) most physicians have learned enough, at the very least, to avoid killing people...Bush still hasn't learned that lesson and he's going on 8 years in office...
As for pathogens speaking out on this policy, I noticed the notorious crime family the Meningococci couldn't be reached for comment..?
You're awesome. Keep it up.
I heard that MRSA said "WHEE!" to the cuts, as people will soon only be able to afford Minute Clinics (or they can pay three hundred dollars a month for shitty health insurance, like I do) and since people demand antibiotics when they go to a minute clinic (because who wants to cough up 75 dollars to have a doctor tell you they can't do anything?) MRSA said that soon conditions will be ripe for WORLD DOMINATION! WOO!
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