Clear Channel Killed The Radio Star.

I'm sure that's not news to most of you, but for those of you unaware, Clear Channel is a company spawned from the deregulation of the broadcast industry in 1996. In case you've ever wondered why every fucking radio station sounds the same these days, one reason is that Clear Channel alone owns over 1,200 stations across the country.

The first format to get the Clear Channel treatment was country music. Just listen to Johnny Cash sing about shooting a man in Reno just to watch him die and try to imagine one of today's fluffy-hair under the $500 cowboy hat pussy boys on mainstream country radio try something like that. I started hearing the difference years ago but had retreated into my Frank Zappa and Velvet Underground collection for so long I had no idea just how bad it had become...... until the other day, when I came across Country Music Television. I couldn't look away. It was horrible beyond belief and I had to keep looking back to make sure it wasn't some sort of joke. It reminded me of the novel 1984, when the music for common people was actually random sounds and words spit out by a computer and no one was the wiser. I honestly wonder if there isn't a Clear Channel computer somewhere spitting out this dreck. Beyond the incredible simplicity, two themes emerged in the subject matter of the songs:

1) The singers are proud. Always proud. And if they are somewhere very different from where they started, they should be very proud of where they are from.

2) They are always happy. The days of country music being about getting drunk and beating your dog are over. These days, no matter what shit-ass hand life has dealt you, you are happy and workin' hard. All the better to keep John Q. Dumbass Redneck from realizing he's getting the shaft in the New World Order.

So I'm thinking about this and I figure I can do as well as any corporate robot at writing a song. Think I'll give it a shot.

I'm a Mississippi girl in the big 'ol city/
life is hard and not always pretty/
but I'll get by/
until I die.

I got my Momma's old hymnal and a piece of back bacon/
my feet hit the floor and my ass starts a shakin'/
gotta move my hips/
to get those tips.

Once in awhile when I'm down and out/
I open my legs and a baby comes out/
in 9 months then/
I'm back in debt.

Ok....I usually only write things like that after a martini or two. I can only conclude after reading what just came out of my keyboard that today I'm one step closer to insanity. The trip is kinda fun though.....