What Am I Going To Do With All The Steroids On My Shelf Now?

Not much to do with pharmacy I know, but hey, it's my day off. From The Drugnazi News Service:


SHORTEST BASEBALL SEASON IN HISTORY STARTS, ENDS IN WHITE HOUSE CEREMONY


Cincinnati Reds declared World Series Champions by ex-Cincinnati Reds owner

"Mission Accomplished" says Carl Linder


WASHINGTON DC (DNP)- In what may go down as the most unusual season in Major League Baseball history, the Cincinnati Reds today were declared 2006 World Series champions 9 days before the first game of the season in a ceremony at the White House. The declaration was made by Carl Linder, who sold the team at the end of 2005. Standing under what appeared to be a slightly used banner reading "Mission Accomplished" Linder appeared to have tears in his eyes as he accepted the championship trophy from president George W. Bush. In a moving speech after the presentation, Linder recalled how lucky he was to be able to fulfill his life's dream in bringing his hometown it's first World Series championship since 1990.

"Through the ups and downs of this 60 minute baseball season, I never lost faith that in the end, I would be standing here accepting this trophy on behalf of the town I love so much." said Mr. Linder. "This one's for you Cincinnati!!"

Mr. Linder, who has given millions of dollars of his personal fortune to Republican causes and candidates starting in the 1980's, and who has a controlling interest in Chiquita brands bananas, was originally scheduled to meet with the President concerning the Economic Growth and Job Act of 2006, whose sole provision is the elimination of taxes on banana producers. Sources report that the conversation quickly turned to baseball however, with Mr. Bush, a former owner of the Texas Rangers, recounting that he has learned "more than a few things" during his time as President that would have directly translated to success as a baseball executive.

Mr. Bush and Mr. Linder then retreated to a private room next to the Oval Office, and emerged to conduct the hastily planned ceremony an hour later.

At a press conference after the trophy presentation, Mr Linder inexplicably appeared wearing a flight suit. He quickly left the podium however and reappeared wearing the uniform of retired Cincinnati Reds hall of fame catcher Johnny Bench. When asked how a person who no longer even owns the team could declare them World Series champions before the first pitch of the season, Mr. Linder said such authority had been granted by Congress in its authorization to use force after the September 11th attacks. He went on to accuse the reporter of "hating baseball" and "wanting the terrorists to win"

"The connection between Al-Quieda and the New York Yankees could not be more clear" Mr. Linder said before declaring the press conference over.


OK......so I know you have to be a bit of a news nerd to get some of the jokes here, but if you haven't figured out by now this is satire, then you're probably one of my customers. Please have your prescription filled now before I have to go back to work.