Tuesday, July 23, 2013
The Forces Of Political Correctness Know Exactly How To Bend Me To Their Will
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Sunday, July 21, 2013
I Love This Guy. Not The Commentator, But The Candidate Of Which He Speaks.
Because every time the GOP nominates a retard numbnut like this, it makes our job a little easier.
And by a little I mean a lot.
I can see the strategy meeting now:
"Ken...whatever you do just keep your mouth shut about rape and especially rape babies...OK? I know it's a sincere belief close to your heart, but those kinds of comments are a guaranteed loser with women. They easily cost us 2 Senate seats last time around."
"Yeah, that's pretty easy to understand actually. I was thinking of going on the record in favor of outlawing cunnilingus as a way to appeal to the woman vote."
"Brilliant!! A sex strategy that in no way mentions rape babies. I think we've found a winner!!!!"
BBBBBBWWWWWAAAAAHHHHHAAAAHHHAAAHHAAAAA!!!!!!! Someone, please....give Ken Cuccinelli as big a megaphone, as large a platform, and as much media exposure as he would like......
I'll do my bit right now.
And by a little I mean a lot.
I can see the strategy meeting now:
"Ken...whatever you do just keep your mouth shut about rape and especially rape babies...OK? I know it's a sincere belief close to your heart, but those kinds of comments are a guaranteed loser with women. They easily cost us 2 Senate seats last time around."
"Yeah, that's pretty easy to understand actually. I was thinking of going on the record in favor of outlawing cunnilingus as a way to appeal to the woman vote."
"Brilliant!! A sex strategy that in no way mentions rape babies. I think we've found a winner!!!!"
BBBBBBWWWWWAAAAAHHHHHAAAAHHHAAAHHAAAAA!!!!!!! Someone, please....give Ken Cuccinelli as big a megaphone, as large a platform, and as much media exposure as he would like......
I'll do my bit right now.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
I Publish A Spoiler From My Awesome First Book As A Rear Guard, Guerrilla Action In The War On Women
I knew this day would come.
I've watched for years as the forces waging war on a woman and her uterus have gathered and run rampant over the countryside. As they evolved from small cells born in the ashes of defeat after Roe v. Wade to the forces of reactionary Puritanism that have become marauding bands of sexual police barbarians. Sometimes highly educated barbarians, as in the case of Lloyd Duplantis of Gray, Louisiana, a pharmacist who won a few minutes of national notoriety for, among other things, declaring that birth control pills are "the most dangerous chemicals on the market" and becoming the lab coat wearing face of the war on Plan B, the morning after pill. I wrote my first book primarily as a bitchslap against Lloyd and his ilk, and by any measure I was wildly successful, as that chemical that he thought so dangerous is now available for the asking for anyone 17 and up, and will soon be easier to get than Sudafed. Lloyd is no longer a figurative loser, but a literal one as well.
In my book I took Lloyd one further though. Rant and rave as he and his kind do that Plan B and other morning after pills cause an abortion, they do not. I won't go so far as to say Lloyd is lying, but anyone with a pharmacist's background should know that what he says about Plan B isn't true. Maybe Lloyd just isn't very smart. So I decided to educate him a bit by publishing another bit of information any pharmacist should know. How to induce an actual, real, abortion using the old time ulcer medicine misprostol (Cytotec)
Isn't that ironically funny? Lloyd rants about a pill that doesn't cause an abortion so I tell the world about a pill that does. Ha ha ha ha......I should get some sort of an award.
The closest I've come to that so far though is leading the way for The New York Times, which told the world today that after the new....cough cough......"safety" regulations soon to be passed in Texas that will have the toooooooootallly unintended consequence of forcing most abortion clinics there to shut their doors, there will most likely be a run across the border, where Mexican pharmacies will sell you a pack of misoprostol with few or no questions asked. Here's a quote from that article:
Which means that State Senator Glen Hegar, chief sponsor of the Texas bill who says he wants not to limit abortion access “but to increase the quality of care.” Will be driving women in his state into the hands of Mexican pharmacists with their head squarely up their ass. Pharmacists stupider than Lloyd Duplantis even.
Yeah, I knew this day would come. It's nice to sell books and all, and even after two years that little book of mine still sells pretty well, but I always had a feeling that at some point making the information about how to use misoprostol as safely as possible would be more important than any book royalties earned. Here's another quote from the Times:
Yup. That day is here. This is a word per word copy of a chapter lifted right out of my book. It's copyrighted, but feel free to save it, send it, post it, or spread the information around as much as you'd like. Just don't sell it. And also know that I DON'T recommend this. I would much rather you see and be under the care of a real doctor with real experience in ending a pregnancy, but the authorities in Texas, and Ohio, Wisconsin, Arkansas, Arizona, North Dakota, and too many other states have seen fit to make that less likely to happen. When you have limited options, you make the best of what's left to you.
Here you go:
Chapter Title, "This One's For You Lloyd Duplantis"
Cytotec. That's the brand name of the anti-ulcer medicine misoprostol that has been around since 1988. Any doctor anywhere in the country can write a prescription for misoprostol, and while it's not as big a seller as it used to be, the chances are pretty good a pharmacy in your town has it on the shelf, just like any prescription, and if you don't have any insurance, it should easily cost you less than $30.
It can also be used to induce an abortion. If that's what you want to do, have your doctor write a prescription as follows:
Cytotec 200mcg
#12 tablets
Take as directed
Then take four of the tablets and dissolve them under your tongue. Three hours later dissolve four more, then wait three hours and do it a third time. Another option is to insert four tablets vaginally and repeat with four more in 24 hours. Talk it over with your doctor and decide which way is best for you.
Also, please read the rest of this before you do anything.
First off, let's be clear. Unlike when you take Plan B, you will be ending a viable pregnancy when you take misoprostol. This is an abortion, and if an abortion is not what you want, than you should not take misoprostol.
Misoprostol is not without side effects or risks. The drug works by expelling the fetus, which means you will experience cramps, possibly stronger than anything you've gone through with your period. You can take some over the counter Aleve (naproxen sodium) to help with these cramps if they are troublesome.
You may also experience chills, fever, nausea, vomiting or diarrhea after taking misoprostol. Fever can be treated with naproxen or Tylenol, but if it lasts more than 24 hours you should check with your doctor. Nausea can be treated with over the counter Dramamine.
Misoprostol doesn't always work. It has a success rate of anywhere from 80 to 90%, and there is a chance if it fails it can cause birth defects. You should start to experience bleeding within the first day after taking misoprostol, if no bleeding occurs, than the abortion has failed. Misoprostol should not be used at all after the 9th week of pregnancy due to the risk of excessive bleeding, and should not be used if you have an IUD.
Seek immediate medical attention if, after using misoprostol, you experience heavy bleeding (soaking more than two maxi pads per hour for more than two hours), feel dizzy or lightheaded, or have a fever for more than 24 hours.
If you end up in the hospital, the symptoms will be identical to a spontaneous miscarriage. The medical staff will not know you tried to induce an abortion.
Now you know how you can get an abortion for the cost of a doctor's visit and your prescription copay. Do I think it's the best method? No, I don't. Misoprostol combined with Mifeprex is more effective, but I'm aware it won't always be an option, and unlike too many in the medical professions, I think you should be aware of all the options available to you.
And now you are.
__________________________________________
In your face Lloyd Duplantis, and now, in your face, assholes of the Texas legislature.
I've watched for years as the forces waging war on a woman and her uterus have gathered and run rampant over the countryside. As they evolved from small cells born in the ashes of defeat after Roe v. Wade to the forces of reactionary Puritanism that have become marauding bands of sexual police barbarians. Sometimes highly educated barbarians, as in the case of Lloyd Duplantis of Gray, Louisiana, a pharmacist who won a few minutes of national notoriety for, among other things, declaring that birth control pills are "the most dangerous chemicals on the market" and becoming the lab coat wearing face of the war on Plan B, the morning after pill. I wrote my first book primarily as a bitchslap against Lloyd and his ilk, and by any measure I was wildly successful, as that chemical that he thought so dangerous is now available for the asking for anyone 17 and up, and will soon be easier to get than Sudafed. Lloyd is no longer a figurative loser, but a literal one as well.
In my book I took Lloyd one further though. Rant and rave as he and his kind do that Plan B and other morning after pills cause an abortion, they do not. I won't go so far as to say Lloyd is lying, but anyone with a pharmacist's background should know that what he says about Plan B isn't true. Maybe Lloyd just isn't very smart. So I decided to educate him a bit by publishing another bit of information any pharmacist should know. How to induce an actual, real, abortion using the old time ulcer medicine misprostol (Cytotec)
Isn't that ironically funny? Lloyd rants about a pill that doesn't cause an abortion so I tell the world about a pill that does. Ha ha ha ha......I should get some sort of an award.
The closest I've come to that so far though is leading the way for The New York Times, which told the world today that after the new....cough cough......"safety" regulations soon to be passed in Texas that will have the toooooooootallly unintended consequence of forcing most abortion clinics there to shut their doors, there will most likely be a run across the border, where Mexican pharmacies will sell you a pack of misoprostol with few or no questions asked. Here's a quote from that article:
"When asked how women should use the pills, some of the pharmacists said they did not know and others recommended wildly different regimes that doctors say could be unsafe,"
Which means that State Senator Glen Hegar, chief sponsor of the Texas bill who says he wants not to limit abortion access “but to increase the quality of care.” Will be driving women in his state into the hands of Mexican pharmacists with their head squarely up their ass. Pharmacists stupider than Lloyd Duplantis even.
Yeah, I knew this day would come. It's nice to sell books and all, and even after two years that little book of mine still sells pretty well, but I always had a feeling that at some point making the information about how to use misoprostol as safely as possible would be more important than any book royalties earned. Here's another quote from the Times:
When used properly in the early weeks of pregnancy, misoprostol, which causes uterine contractions and cervical dilation, induces a miscarriage about 85 percent of the time, according to Dr. Grossman. But many women receive incorrect advice on dosage and, especially later in pregnancy, the drug can cause serious bleeding or a partial abortion, he said.
Yup. That day is here. This is a word per word copy of a chapter lifted right out of my book. It's copyrighted, but feel free to save it, send it, post it, or spread the information around as much as you'd like. Just don't sell it. And also know that I DON'T recommend this. I would much rather you see and be under the care of a real doctor with real experience in ending a pregnancy, but the authorities in Texas, and Ohio, Wisconsin, Arkansas, Arizona, North Dakota, and too many other states have seen fit to make that less likely to happen. When you have limited options, you make the best of what's left to you.
Here you go:
Chapter Title, "This One's For You Lloyd Duplantis"
Cytotec. That's the brand name of the anti-ulcer medicine misoprostol that has been around since 1988. Any doctor anywhere in the country can write a prescription for misoprostol, and while it's not as big a seller as it used to be, the chances are pretty good a pharmacy in your town has it on the shelf, just like any prescription, and if you don't have any insurance, it should easily cost you less than $30.
It can also be used to induce an abortion. If that's what you want to do, have your doctor write a prescription as follows:
Cytotec 200mcg
#12 tablets
Take as directed
Then take four of the tablets and dissolve them under your tongue. Three hours later dissolve four more, then wait three hours and do it a third time. Another option is to insert four tablets vaginally and repeat with four more in 24 hours. Talk it over with your doctor and decide which way is best for you.
Also, please read the rest of this before you do anything.
First off, let's be clear. Unlike when you take Plan B, you will be ending a viable pregnancy when you take misoprostol. This is an abortion, and if an abortion is not what you want, than you should not take misoprostol.
Misoprostol is not without side effects or risks. The drug works by expelling the fetus, which means you will experience cramps, possibly stronger than anything you've gone through with your period. You can take some over the counter Aleve (naproxen sodium) to help with these cramps if they are troublesome.
You may also experience chills, fever, nausea, vomiting or diarrhea after taking misoprostol. Fever can be treated with naproxen or Tylenol, but if it lasts more than 24 hours you should check with your doctor. Nausea can be treated with over the counter Dramamine.
Misoprostol doesn't always work. It has a success rate of anywhere from 80 to 90%, and there is a chance if it fails it can cause birth defects. You should start to experience bleeding within the first day after taking misoprostol, if no bleeding occurs, than the abortion has failed. Misoprostol should not be used at all after the 9th week of pregnancy due to the risk of excessive bleeding, and should not be used if you have an IUD.
Seek immediate medical attention if, after using misoprostol, you experience heavy bleeding (soaking more than two maxi pads per hour for more than two hours), feel dizzy or lightheaded, or have a fever for more than 24 hours.
If you end up in the hospital, the symptoms will be identical to a spontaneous miscarriage. The medical staff will not know you tried to induce an abortion.
Now you know how you can get an abortion for the cost of a doctor's visit and your prescription copay. Do I think it's the best method? No, I don't. Misoprostol combined with Mifeprex is more effective, but I'm aware it won't always be an option, and unlike too many in the medical professions, I think you should be aware of all the options available to you.
And now you are.
__________________________________________
In your face Lloyd Duplantis, and now, in your face, assholes of the Texas legislature.
Thursday, July 04, 2013
I Offer You A Chance To Put Up Or Shut Up. Or, Pharmacy Jesus Starts To Lead His Flock Away From Chain Tyranny
The retail pharmacist experience has never been good and it's not getting any better. You need someone to tell you that as much as you need someone to tell you the sun rises in the east or bears shit in the woods. The staffing is getting shorter, the corporate mandates dumber, the bounty on your head if you're over 40 higher, and the professional standards you pretend to uphold lower. Despite all the visionary feel good talk of pharmacy "leaders" over the last 20 years, all they have managed to accomplish is replacing "count, pour, lick and stick" with "count, pour, lick, stick, and stick," that second stick being as many arms as possible. Flu season is fast approaching my friends, and woe to the pharmacist who does not meet his immunization quota. We all seem to agree it's hopeless.
Except it's not. I am going to shortly offer you, right here, right now, a way out of your sorry-ass situation. I am not kidding you. Read on.
I wrote back in April about the Clinic Pharmacy in Happy Camp, California. How it's owner has built an honest to God clinical retail practice and makes money doing it. I am not kidding you. All the count, pour, lick and stick stuff is done by a technician. All of it. The pharmacist spends his time talking to patients, researching questions, charting outcomes and whatever else he wants. The closest he gets to your type of drudgery is when he compiles a CII order. He has pulled off what has previously been solely the fantasy of the APhA world. And he has done it while the APhA decides to give an award for professionalism to Walgreens for whatever reason.
"Great for him" you're thinking if you even believe me. "But what's that got to do with me?......woe is me.......woe woe woe......."
Because you have a chance to end your friggin woe right now buddy. Clinic Pharmacy is for sale. That means you can buy it and tell your DM to take his shortstaffing and quota enforcing and shove it up his ass. You have a chance to actually be a professional. To interact with patients and actually make decisions and influence outcomes.
And if I know most of you, you're busy right now thinking of a million reasons why you can't.
"It'll cost too much" you'll whine. Nope. Its asking price is $230,000 If you bought a house you can buy this place. Form an S-corp with your partner you're looking at 115,000 each. Eligible to be financed through the Small Business Administration.
"But I won't make as much." Others of you will cry. Well with that attitude you won't. Remember as a business OWNER you are free to do whatever you'd like to drive sales and revenues. Not to mention that if you are willing to sell your soul for what the chains are paying, you absolutely deserve what you're getting. I don't want to hear another peep out of you, ever, no matter how bad it gets.
"But I don't want to live out in the middle of nowhere" OK, that one I'll cut you some slack on, as that's what ultimately drove my decision not to buy this place. But there's no reason not to at least go look and see what ideas you can take for your own, independent practice, like Pharmacy Jesus did. I'm sure the owner wouldn't mind talking to you at all. He's seriously a nice guy.
So there you are whiners. You now have a concrete plan of action out of the bullshit you are drowning in. Take it, or at least investigate it, or forever lose your right to bitch about the profession ever again.
Drop me a line, right now, and I'll give you all the contact info you need to get started.
Except it's not. I am going to shortly offer you, right here, right now, a way out of your sorry-ass situation. I am not kidding you. Read on.
I wrote back in April about the Clinic Pharmacy in Happy Camp, California. How it's owner has built an honest to God clinical retail practice and makes money doing it. I am not kidding you. All the count, pour, lick and stick stuff is done by a technician. All of it. The pharmacist spends his time talking to patients, researching questions, charting outcomes and whatever else he wants. The closest he gets to your type of drudgery is when he compiles a CII order. He has pulled off what has previously been solely the fantasy of the APhA world. And he has done it while the APhA decides to give an award for professionalism to Walgreens for whatever reason.
"Great for him" you're thinking if you even believe me. "But what's that got to do with me?......woe is me.......woe woe woe......."
Because you have a chance to end your friggin woe right now buddy. Clinic Pharmacy is for sale. That means you can buy it and tell your DM to take his shortstaffing and quota enforcing and shove it up his ass. You have a chance to actually be a professional. To interact with patients and actually make decisions and influence outcomes.
And if I know most of you, you're busy right now thinking of a million reasons why you can't.
"It'll cost too much" you'll whine. Nope. Its asking price is $230,000 If you bought a house you can buy this place. Form an S-corp with your partner you're looking at 115,000 each. Eligible to be financed through the Small Business Administration.
"But I won't make as much." Others of you will cry. Well with that attitude you won't. Remember as a business OWNER you are free to do whatever you'd like to drive sales and revenues. Not to mention that if you are willing to sell your soul for what the chains are paying, you absolutely deserve what you're getting. I don't want to hear another peep out of you, ever, no matter how bad it gets.
"But I don't want to live out in the middle of nowhere" OK, that one I'll cut you some slack on, as that's what ultimately drove my decision not to buy this place. But there's no reason not to at least go look and see what ideas you can take for your own, independent practice, like Pharmacy Jesus did. I'm sure the owner wouldn't mind talking to you at all. He's seriously a nice guy.
So there you are whiners. You now have a concrete plan of action out of the bullshit you are drowning in. Take it, or at least investigate it, or forever lose your right to bitch about the profession ever again.
Drop me a line, right now, and I'll give you all the contact info you need to get started.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Non-CVS Pharmacy Company Fined For Wrongdoing.
In a shocking press release made public this month, the Drug Enforcement Administration confirmed that the latest target of a pharmacy related investigation was not leading drugstore operator CVS.
"We have concluded an investigation into the diversion of oxycodone through legitimate pharmacies in the state of Florida and onto the streets of cities throughout the country, and have concluded that it in no way involves CVS." said lead field agent Dirk Bradford at a press conference at DEA headquarters this afternoon. "As unbelievable as it may sound, CVS is in no way accused of doing anything wrong at this time."
The investigation uncovered stores that had sold as many as 2,200,000 pills of oxycodone over the course of a year and not a one of them was a CVS. Seriously. The company that has over the years been accused of among other things, bribing state senators, employing fake pharmacists, overcharging both the Medicare system and individual Medicare recipients, as well as letting a customer have an asthma attack in one of their stores because they were a couple dollars short had nothing to do with this scandal.
I'm not kidding you. Six stores lost their DEA license in Florida over this. And a company that is not CVS will pay an 80 million dollar fine.
Walter Brombach, a retail analyst at Goldman Sachs expressed concern the company was losing its competitive edge.
"After being a trailblazer in showing just how far a corporation can go in skirting the law to profitability, these latest developments raise the specter that CVS' competitors may be catching up and developing their own ways of calculating the reward/risk ratio of defying accepted laws and social norms. That being the case I am immediately downgrading my rating on the stock from 'strong buy' to 'hold"
Other analysts were more optimistic, noting that CVS had its own oxycodone scandal in 2012 and this was simply a case of others mimicking the industry leader.
Reached at the company's headquarters in Rhode Island, CVS spokesman Mike DeAngelis said "We remain committed to serving our customers and will work with the proper authorities.....wait....no....this isn't us.....no comment."
"We have concluded an investigation into the diversion of oxycodone through legitimate pharmacies in the state of Florida and onto the streets of cities throughout the country, and have concluded that it in no way involves CVS." said lead field agent Dirk Bradford at a press conference at DEA headquarters this afternoon. "As unbelievable as it may sound, CVS is in no way accused of doing anything wrong at this time."
The investigation uncovered stores that had sold as many as 2,200,000 pills of oxycodone over the course of a year and not a one of them was a CVS. Seriously. The company that has over the years been accused of among other things, bribing state senators, employing fake pharmacists, overcharging both the Medicare system and individual Medicare recipients, as well as letting a customer have an asthma attack in one of their stores because they were a couple dollars short had nothing to do with this scandal.
I'm not kidding you. Six stores lost their DEA license in Florida over this. And a company that is not CVS will pay an 80 million dollar fine.
Walter Brombach, a retail analyst at Goldman Sachs expressed concern the company was losing its competitive edge.
"After being a trailblazer in showing just how far a corporation can go in skirting the law to profitability, these latest developments raise the specter that CVS' competitors may be catching up and developing their own ways of calculating the reward/risk ratio of defying accepted laws and social norms. That being the case I am immediately downgrading my rating on the stock from 'strong buy' to 'hold"
Other analysts were more optimistic, noting that CVS had its own oxycodone scandal in 2012 and this was simply a case of others mimicking the industry leader.
Reached at the company's headquarters in Rhode Island, CVS spokesman Mike DeAngelis said "We remain committed to serving our customers and will work with the proper authorities.....wait....no....this isn't us.....no comment."
Saturday, June 22, 2013
This Week's News Headlines. As Fresh As One Of My Five Year Old Blog Posts. Or, I May Be On The World's Longest Acid Trip.
Fans of The Supreme Court and my little blog garden got a taste of my eternal wisdom and foresight this week when they anxiously logged on to their favorite news source and saw this story about the doings of the highest court in the land:
This is the kind of story that separates my true fans from the pretenders my friends, as those who worship my words knew all about this scam long ago. For the rest of you, I'll bring back The Bullshit Exposure Through Dramatization Players to explain the issue with a repeat performance of their 2007 hit "Can't We All Just Get Along?"
You read that right (over 5 years ago) Big Pharma has a habit of paying generic drugmakers not to make a product so they can continue to charge the monopolistic prices we all know and loathe. And this week the Supreme Court said they continue to do so at their own peril.
So George Bush's fight against Big Pharma has been won.
You read that right, and I remain as baffled by this as I was the day I first visited the subject. The man who brought us The Iraq war, the one who so skillfully managed the other conflict he started in Afghanistan, the person who gave us Guantanamo and laid the groundwork for the spy state we now live in....took Big pharma to task for overcharging the American people.
Do you think he even knows? Maybe he has no idea and he's gonna be really mad when he finds out.
Or maybe John Roberts has a prescription for Crestor. That's the only other idea I've got. Even my great wisdom has limits it would seem.
Of course I theorized at the time I was on acid, which still might explain a lot actually.
Anyway, I am wise and insightful. Mostly.
The Supreme Court ruled Monday that brand-name drug makers can be sued for violating the antitrust laws if they make a deal that pays a potential competitor to put off selling a generic version.
The 5-3 decision is likely to benefit consumers with lower prices. The Federal Trade Commission, which has pursued suits against the drug makers, estimated these so-called “pay for delay” deals cost consumers and health plans $3.5 billion a year.
This is the kind of story that separates my true fans from the pretenders my friends, as those who worship my words knew all about this scam long ago. For the rest of you, I'll bring back The Bullshit Exposure Through Dramatization Players to explain the issue with a repeat performance of their 2007 hit "Can't We All Just Get Along?"
Generic Drugmakers: Oh Big Pharma, can't we just get along? Why, when your patent runs out for a medicine, must we sue each other for years instead of competing in the marketplace? Can't we just play by the rules and both earn a legitimate profit?
Big Pharma: There, there little guy. You think our lawyers are mean when they sue each other, but really they are doing us both a favor. Yes, you could make a billion dollars selling a generic version of our drug for 70% less than what we charge, but that would involve you actually doing work. When we sue each other, we can settle, and I can pay you three quarters of a billion dollars to do nothing. We both win.
Generic Drugmakers: But what about the American people, who will continue to have to pay whatever you want to charge for access to this medicine?
(30 seconds of silence)
Big Pharma: Here's a big check.
Generic Drugmakers: You are wise and just Big Pharma.
You read that right (over 5 years ago) Big Pharma has a habit of paying generic drugmakers not to make a product so they can continue to charge the monopolistic prices we all know and loathe. And this week the Supreme Court said they continue to do so at their own peril.
So George Bush's fight against Big Pharma has been won.
You read that right, and I remain as baffled by this as I was the day I first visited the subject. The man who brought us The Iraq war, the one who so skillfully managed the other conflict he started in Afghanistan, the person who gave us Guantanamo and laid the groundwork for the spy state we now live in....took Big pharma to task for overcharging the American people.
Do you think he even knows? Maybe he has no idea and he's gonna be really mad when he finds out.
Or maybe John Roberts has a prescription for Crestor. That's the only other idea I've got. Even my great wisdom has limits it would seem.
Of course I theorized at the time I was on acid, which still might explain a lot actually.
Anyway, I am wise and insightful. Mostly.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Rite Aid, Battered Like A Wife Of OJ Simpson, Somehow Manages To Rise From The Dead And Limp Around Like A Mutant Zombie.
CAMP HILL, PA- In a surprise news conference today that turned out mostly to be a one man monologue, Rite Aid CEO John Standley announced what he called "a bold new era of service to our customers, our patients, and our employees."
"Let's be honest, this company's been in trouble for a long time now, and our recent announcement of a return to profitability after six years surprised me as much as anyone. Naturally the first thing I thought of was that the boys in accounting screwed up again, they're not exactly the sharpest pencil in the drawer you know."
"Then I thought maybe it was a practical joke, and I got scared. Lying on official SEC filings, no matter how funny, is something that could put me in jail. And the stories Marty (former Rite Aid CEO Martin Grass) has to tell can make the hair on your back curl."
"But then it began to sink in. We just might make it. All our hard work, well, mostly my hard work, is finally starting to pay off. Our vision, our determination, and our drive, has finally put us in a place where after a three month period we have more money left than we spent. After I let that sink in, I asked myself 'now what are we going to do with it?'
"Why not use it to build something different, I asked myself. Why not use our near death experience as a teachable moment, an opportunity to show the world that when an organization buckles down, looks deep inside itself, and demands incredible sacrifices from its members in order to survive, that it should use that survival to show the world that those sacrifices were worthwhile. That's why I'm pleased to announce the new Rite Aid, committed to being the most dynamic and rewarding place to work in the whole drugstore industry. From now on, our business leading program, "RiteLife" will strive to find ways to let our employees know we value and care for them as people."
"For example, obese people have by and large a lower quality and shorter life than those of us of normal weight. So our new program of mandatory weigh ins is just a way of showing how we care for you. And the savings generated by not having as many fat asses on our payroll will go a long way towards generating many more profitable quarters to come."
"Profitable...and rewardable...for you!!! Just think of every time you step on the scale soon to be installed in every breakroom as like a treat from Grandma. Without the calories!!"
"And if you think that's exciting, just wait until you see what else RiteLife has in store. I don't want to give away too much, but let me just whet your appetite with 5 words, keystroke loggers and phone taps! All perfectly legal, after you sign the RiteLife Rewards Release form."
"One thing's for sure. Now that we have some monetary resources coming in, every employee will soon know just how much we care. About everything they do."
"Everything."
Reached for comment, CEO of leading drugstore chain CVS Larry Merlo said "Groundbreaking my ass, we've been weighing the fatties for months now. And just because he got away with firing some jackass who shot off his mouth in front of the whole goddamn internet he thinks he's head of the CIA or something. That punk doesn't have the slightest idea what controlling someone's life is about."
"Trust me" Merlo concluded, "No one cares for their employees more than CVS."
"No one."
"Let's be honest, this company's been in trouble for a long time now, and our recent announcement of a return to profitability after six years surprised me as much as anyone. Naturally the first thing I thought of was that the boys in accounting screwed up again, they're not exactly the sharpest pencil in the drawer you know."
"Then I thought maybe it was a practical joke, and I got scared. Lying on official SEC filings, no matter how funny, is something that could put me in jail. And the stories Marty (former Rite Aid CEO Martin Grass) has to tell can make the hair on your back curl."
"But then it began to sink in. We just might make it. All our hard work, well, mostly my hard work, is finally starting to pay off. Our vision, our determination, and our drive, has finally put us in a place where after a three month period we have more money left than we spent. After I let that sink in, I asked myself 'now what are we going to do with it?'
"Why not use it to build something different, I asked myself. Why not use our near death experience as a teachable moment, an opportunity to show the world that when an organization buckles down, looks deep inside itself, and demands incredible sacrifices from its members in order to survive, that it should use that survival to show the world that those sacrifices were worthwhile. That's why I'm pleased to announce the new Rite Aid, committed to being the most dynamic and rewarding place to work in the whole drugstore industry. From now on, our business leading program, "RiteLife" will strive to find ways to let our employees know we value and care for them as people."
"For example, obese people have by and large a lower quality and shorter life than those of us of normal weight. So our new program of mandatory weigh ins is just a way of showing how we care for you. And the savings generated by not having as many fat asses on our payroll will go a long way towards generating many more profitable quarters to come."
"Profitable...and rewardable...for you!!! Just think of every time you step on the scale soon to be installed in every breakroom as like a treat from Grandma. Without the calories!!"
"And if you think that's exciting, just wait until you see what else RiteLife has in store. I don't want to give away too much, but let me just whet your appetite with 5 words, keystroke loggers and phone taps! All perfectly legal, after you sign the RiteLife Rewards Release form."
"One thing's for sure. Now that we have some monetary resources coming in, every employee will soon know just how much we care. About everything they do."
"Everything."
Reached for comment, CEO of leading drugstore chain CVS Larry Merlo said "Groundbreaking my ass, we've been weighing the fatties for months now. And just because he got away with firing some jackass who shot off his mouth in front of the whole goddamn internet he thinks he's head of the CIA or something. That punk doesn't have the slightest idea what controlling someone's life is about."
"Trust me" Merlo concluded, "No one cares for their employees more than CVS."
"No one."
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Crucified And Reborn. You May Now Refer To Me As Pharmacy Jesus.
It's been the worst kept secret in the world here in my little corner of the pharmacy world, and those of you who haven't caught on by now deserve to know.
I bought my own drugstore.
I'm not kidding you. I could drive to the nearest pharmacy right now, unlock it, and fill you a prescription if you had one. Because that nearest pharmacy would be mine. I can do whatever I want, including telling you to get the fuck out.
Here's the thing though, now that I *can* tell people to get the fuck out....I have yet to meet anyone I would want to say that to. I said during my entire sentence toiling away for the chains that I would act like a professional as soon as I was treated like one, and the people of this community have called me on that. They're glad I'm here. Person after person has shaken my hand and welcomed me to town. I go about my day to day routine and people want to stop and make friendly smalltalk. I had almost forgotten what friendly was like. One man routinely brings eggs from his farm and I had no idea how yellow egg yolks could be. Not one person has asked me why their prescription is taking so long.
Probably because it never takes that long to fill one. It's amazing how much quicker things can move when there is no corporate bullshit and there is the freedom to staff a workplace adequately.
This may be bad news for you though, if you are a fan of my little blog garden, as I fear I may have turned into the pharmacy blogger version of Aerosmith. The creative process when done well almost always feeds off misery, and I gotta be honest, I haven't been miserable in a good while now. Haven't had so much as a sip of scotch in at least two months, and that is the God's honest truth. So if you start reading my posts and begin secretly begging me to get back on the sauce the way I so desperately want Steven Tyler to get back on the smack, I understand.
But it's not gonna happen. I haven't been this unmiserable since college.
So, I'll try to come here and check in and entertain from time to time, but if I have learned nothing else, it is that running a business...and I mean running a business and not just "managing" a pharmacy by paying attention to the metric of the month, is an incredible time suck. There aren't many free minutes in my life right now my friends, but there is so much less stress. I wish Rite Aid would have fired me years ago, but I understand now why it couldn't happen.
You see, my time in your pharmacy world was necessary. These last 20 years in retail have only been preparation to show you the way out. Crucified and now reborn, I await for you to follow the path to redemption I have blazed. I realize now, I am pharmacy's chosen one.
I am... Pharmacy Jesus.
I bought my own drugstore.
I'm not kidding you. I could drive to the nearest pharmacy right now, unlock it, and fill you a prescription if you had one. Because that nearest pharmacy would be mine. I can do whatever I want, including telling you to get the fuck out.
Here's the thing though, now that I *can* tell people to get the fuck out....I have yet to meet anyone I would want to say that to. I said during my entire sentence toiling away for the chains that I would act like a professional as soon as I was treated like one, and the people of this community have called me on that. They're glad I'm here. Person after person has shaken my hand and welcomed me to town. I go about my day to day routine and people want to stop and make friendly smalltalk. I had almost forgotten what friendly was like. One man routinely brings eggs from his farm and I had no idea how yellow egg yolks could be. Not one person has asked me why their prescription is taking so long.
Probably because it never takes that long to fill one. It's amazing how much quicker things can move when there is no corporate bullshit and there is the freedom to staff a workplace adequately.
This may be bad news for you though, if you are a fan of my little blog garden, as I fear I may have turned into the pharmacy blogger version of Aerosmith. The creative process when done well almost always feeds off misery, and I gotta be honest, I haven't been miserable in a good while now. Haven't had so much as a sip of scotch in at least two months, and that is the God's honest truth. So if you start reading my posts and begin secretly begging me to get back on the sauce the way I so desperately want Steven Tyler to get back on the smack, I understand.
But it's not gonna happen. I haven't been this unmiserable since college.
So, I'll try to come here and check in and entertain from time to time, but if I have learned nothing else, it is that running a business...and I mean running a business and not just "managing" a pharmacy by paying attention to the metric of the month, is an incredible time suck. There aren't many free minutes in my life right now my friends, but there is so much less stress. I wish Rite Aid would have fired me years ago, but I understand now why it couldn't happen.
You see, my time in your pharmacy world was necessary. These last 20 years in retail have only been preparation to show you the way out. Crucified and now reborn, I await for you to follow the path to redemption I have blazed. I realize now, I am pharmacy's chosen one.
I am... Pharmacy Jesus.
Tuesday, April 09, 2013
Today's Cruel Little Legal Joke
An actual line from the actual California Pharmacy Permit application:
To which CVS says......BBBBWWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHAAAHHHAAAHAAAAAA!!!!!!! What a quaint little law from a different time. Kinda like the one still on the books in the nearest town from here that says a driver has to honk his horn at the city limits in order to warn any horses on the street.
"But.....why were you looking at a pharmacy permit application Drugmonkey?" some of you may be asking.
More will be revealed my friends. Stay tuned.
"any non-pharmacist owner who commits any act which would subvert or tends to subvert the efforts of the pharmacist-in-charge to comply with the laws governing the operation of the pharmacy is guilty of a misdemeanor"
To which CVS says......BBBBWWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHAAAHHHAAAHAAAAAA!!!!!!! What a quaint little law from a different time. Kinda like the one still on the books in the nearest town from here that says a driver has to honk his horn at the city limits in order to warn any horses on the street.
"But.....why were you looking at a pharmacy permit application Drugmonkey?" some of you may be asking.
More will be revealed my friends. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Insist On Brand Name Poly-Vi-Flor Or Your Baby Will Be Crazy, Mentally Challenged, Eaten By Their Own White Blood Cells, Then Finished Off By Cancer.
I just saved you the effort of reading the latest fax from Zytera Pharmaceuticals with that headline. Those of you wise enough to already have a copy of my latest book know that Zytera is the company that bought the rights to the Poly-Vi-Flor and Tri-Vi-Flor brand names, and that both products were boring old baby vitamins on the market as long as anyone can remember, only requiring a prescription to make sure your kid wasn't getting too much fluoride, the tooth hardener that turns your teeth to mush when taken in excess.
Anyway, boring old product most doctors still prescribe by name, even though 99.9% of those prescriptions have been filled with a generic for decades, then a new company buys the name. Most of you know where this is going. The old "minor change" trick. The company buys the name, makes a minor change in the formula, and now, all the sudden all those Poly-Vi-Flor prescriptions can no longer be filled with the cheap generic. I'm looking at you Auralgan.
In the case of Poly and Tri-Vi-Flor......Zytera uses a slightly different form of folic acid, one of the B vitamins. The folic acid we eat or take in vitamin supplements, like a gazillion other drugs and food parts, is metabolized into the form your body eventually uses. That is the full time job of your liver. Changing the stuff you eat into the stuff you use. Zytera uses the form of folate that comes out of your liver for the new Poly and Tri-Vi-Flor.
Ho hum.
Not to hear the folks at Zylera tell it though, after the usual blah blah blah about how the new formulations are NOT pharmaceutically equivalent to previous (inexpensive) formulations, this is what today's fax said, word for word:
I'm not making this up. Basically a pharmaceutical manufacturer this day sent out a fax to pharmacies around the country that essentially said... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IF YOU DON'T USE BRAND NAME POLY-VI-FLOR THE BABIES WILL BE CRAZY AND RETARDED AND DEAD!!! THEIR OWN WHITE BLOOD CELLS WILL JOIN UP WITH RAMPAGING CANCER TO EAT THE CHILDREN FROM THE INSIDE!!!!! BE AFRAID BE AFRAID BE AFRAID!!!!!!
I will step back here and remind you we are talking about baby vitamins. Hopefully you won't need me to tell you that 40 to 75% of babies born in the last 40 years have not turned out to be spina bifida wrecked schizophrenics, despite how badly the people at Zylera would like you to believe that. My guess is there's a reason these incredibly irresponsible bullshit claims were made in a fax, and not in the more permanent and traceable form of a postal letter or advertisement.
So thank you Zylera. Before I got this fax the temptation was very strong not to use my limited amount of time behind the counter calling doctors to explain why Poly-Vi-Flor is now bullshit. You can bet your left testicle that whenever I see a prescription for your crap in a bottle from now on though, time will be made.
Fuckers.
Anyway, boring old product most doctors still prescribe by name, even though 99.9% of those prescriptions have been filled with a generic for decades, then a new company buys the name. Most of you know where this is going. The old "minor change" trick. The company buys the name, makes a minor change in the formula, and now, all the sudden all those Poly-Vi-Flor prescriptions can no longer be filled with the cheap generic. I'm looking at you Auralgan.
In the case of Poly and Tri-Vi-Flor......Zytera uses a slightly different form of folic acid, one of the B vitamins. The folic acid we eat or take in vitamin supplements, like a gazillion other drugs and food parts, is metabolized into the form your body eventually uses. That is the full time job of your liver. Changing the stuff you eat into the stuff you use. Zytera uses the form of folate that comes out of your liver for the new Poly and Tri-Vi-Flor.
Ho hum.
Not to hear the folks at Zylera tell it though, after the usual blah blah blah about how the new formulations are NOT pharmaceutically equivalent to previous (inexpensive) formulations, this is what today's fax said, word for word:
Recent studies have indicated that 40-75% of the population has a genetic variant called methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase also known as MTHFR that impairs the ability to process folate. This defective gene leads to elevated levels of homocysteine and defective methylation. Defective methylation is associated with psychiatric illnesses, such as schizophrenia, depression and bipolar, as well as autoimmunity disorders, ADD, autism, spina bifida, Down's syndrome, miscarriages, and cancer.
I'm not making this up. Basically a pharmaceutical manufacturer this day sent out a fax to pharmacies around the country that essentially said... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IF YOU DON'T USE BRAND NAME POLY-VI-FLOR THE BABIES WILL BE CRAZY AND RETARDED AND DEAD!!! THEIR OWN WHITE BLOOD CELLS WILL JOIN UP WITH RAMPAGING CANCER TO EAT THE CHILDREN FROM THE INSIDE!!!!! BE AFRAID BE AFRAID BE AFRAID!!!!!!
I will step back here and remind you we are talking about baby vitamins. Hopefully you won't need me to tell you that 40 to 75% of babies born in the last 40 years have not turned out to be spina bifida wrecked schizophrenics, despite how badly the people at Zylera would like you to believe that. My guess is there's a reason these incredibly irresponsible bullshit claims were made in a fax, and not in the more permanent and traceable form of a postal letter or advertisement.
So thank you Zylera. Before I got this fax the temptation was very strong not to use my limited amount of time behind the counter calling doctors to explain why Poly-Vi-Flor is now bullshit. You can bet your left testicle that whenever I see a prescription for your crap in a bottle from now on though, time will be made.
Fuckers.
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