Pharmacists For Life International Answers My Prayers. Finally, A Hate Mail That Is The Slightest Bit Entertaining.

My first step towards receiving Al Franken quality hate mail rolled into my e-mail box on the last Sabbath, which also happened to be gay pride day:

Subject: Is that it?

Dude...you have some serious issues including a LOT of hate in your house.

Your comments border on inciting violence and hatred against some very good people.

Do you hate all health professionals or just those with a sense
of right and wrong?

You poor, poor soul, thanks for the new material for our Hate Mail section.

Have a blessed day!

PFLI PharmAid Center

PS We will be passing on your hated filled invective to the authorities for further review and investigation for a potential hate crime

Irony Alert. The organization that mocked victims of genocide and likens Planned Parenthood to the Ku Klux Klan says I have a problem with hate. Take a look at their website and it won't take long to see their real problem with me evidently is that I do the hate so much better than they do.

Of course what makes the hate mail is the promise of referring me to the authorities. I'm pretty sure I never heard anyone threaten to turn in Al Franken to the authorities. Sweet. I am also sad to report PFLI has completely followed through on this. At the crack of dawn this morning there was a large man from United Parcel Service banging on the front door demanding my attention. Lesson learned. Don't piss off the aggressively ignorant Christians, or they will arrange for your Amazon.com orders to be delivered in a manner that will interrupt your sleep.

They also might bomb your clinic. Keep an eye on the Christians.

You Know Why It's Good To Not Be Alone?

Because on a day like today, a day when those spiritual thunderstorms start to roll in across your brain, when your legs feel like they are made of lead and your butt feels like it is made of Velcro, when you have a rock in the pit of your stomach, when you just want to cry for no apparent reason and you never, ever, for the love of God ever want to get out of bed again, when you just want the world to vanish into the pit of hell or at least leave you the hell alone, when you feel like you are about ready to break.......

You can look into her eyes, you can tell her how you feel, you can ask her if she has any idea what you are talking about, and she can say to you:

"Yeah, it kinda sounds like when I have my period."

BBBBWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAHHHHHAAAAHHHHAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Holy crap I am the luckiest man on God's green earth.

A Request For All The Genetic Engineers Out There Who Read This Blog, Of Which I Suspect There Are Quite A Few.

Ever wonder how cats magically know where to poop and pee? This question has baffled me for years, ever since I once took in a wild feline beast for the night when I lived in the middle of nowhere. This cat was probably middle aged, and had never lived anywhere but in the great outdoors all his life. I set him up in the garage and the first thing he did was take a giant dump -right in the litter box. How the hell did he know to do this?

I've been thinking about babies some here of late. Human babies. And from what I understand, teaching them where to poop and pee can be quite a drawn out process. I think putting the magic cat poop gene into human DNA would not only benefit the little tots who don't understand why they just can't go in the corner, but the many adult customers at the store who don't understand why they just can't go on the floor somewhere in the general vicinity of the toilet.

I would also like to request the magic bear gene that lets them sleep all winter without once getting up to go to the bathroom for myself. I think this would be a much better use of genetic engineers time than working on tomatoes that have a shelf life of centuries or corn that neither bugs nor I would want to eat.

Oh, and a tail. Like a kangaroo tail I could lean back and kinda sit on during my 12 hour workdays. I would totally pay money for a kangaroo tail.

I hope this is still funny when I sober up.

From The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" File....

....via the June 15th issue of The Guardian Weekly, which you should go and subscribe to right now.



Bush: Now just hold still and I'll put this here necklace thing around ya

George Tenet, former director of the CIA, receiving a Presidential Medal of Freedom: "Your breath sir....on the back of my neck......it makes me feel......like a true man....

Doofus in the corner: I feel tingly all the sudden.....

Oprah Winfrey Is A Witch.

How else do you explain this?




What other explanation could there possibly be that this woman, who by all appearances is a reasonably educated, competent, non-mentally ill human, would be shooting water through her nose?

With a smile on her face? Oprah has put a spell on her.

Not content to turn her army of flat-iron haired, suburban, 20 pound overweight insecure prissy-bitch sheep loose on the publishing world, Oprah has now convinced them that blowing your nose isn't enough. Meet the Neti Pot.

It does exactly what it looks like. It shoots salt water through your nose. I'm sorry, I mean it "cleanses the sinus passages" which is way different than shooting saltwater through your nose. From the website of the Himalayan Institute Store:

Why a Nasal Wash?
The nasal passages are lined with a thin layer of mucus that is one of our body's first lines of defense against disease. A nasal wash keeps this layer of mucus moist, clean and healthy.

It also washes away the thin layer of mucus, which is one of our body's first lines of defense against disease.

Are you getting this? The balance between brains and money in this country is now so skewed that we are paying dollars because we think our snot needs washed. I fully expect to see a shit-bleaching kit on Dr. Phil within the next year.

Jealous? Fuck yeah I'm jealous. These people have figured out a way to charge $6.95 for 10 ounces of salt. That's more than I make on your fucking hundred dollar prescription.

Not to worry though flat hairs. You caught me off guard with your sudden demands for the snot cleaner 10 seconds after Oprah instructed you on what to buy, but I've got you covered now. I know it is useless to stand on the other side of the alternatingly fat and thin beacon of the cul-de-sac, so I ordered in a shitload of your neti pots, and have already sold half of them. Actually I think what I have is a knock off, which makes it even better.

The title of the blog is "Your Pharmacist May Hate You", sometimes though, he's just laughing his ass off at you.

God I miss the ghetto.

Sure, Avandia™ May Increase Your Chance Of A Heart Attack By 43 Percent, But That Doesn't Mean It Doesn't Do Good Things.

Without Avandia ™ for instance, fat models might never be able to find work:



Then they wouldn't be able to eat, which means they would lose weight, and then maybe be able to find work. I think that's called an irony cycle.

Oh, and to those who say that there is no difference between Avandia and Actos, I call bullshit on you.

Results of a head-to-head comparison of two insulin-sensitizing agents, pioglitazone (Actos®, Takeda/Lilly) and rosiglitazone (Avandia®, GlaxoSmithKline), show that although both are equally effective in achieving glycemic control in patients with type 2 diabetes mellitus and dyslipidemia, they appear to have differential effects on lipids. Relative to rosiglitazone, pioglitazone improved triglycerides, HDL-C, non-HDL-C, and LDL particle concentration and size, although both agents increased LDL levels.

I'll use my magical drugmonkey science nerd to English translator:

This study showed that both Avandia and Actos are equally effective at decreasing a persons blood sugar. Both raised LDL ("bad" cholesterol) BUT........Actos raised HDL ("good" cholesterol) and decreased Triglycerides ("Blood fats"), while Avandia raised triglycerides.

Now I'll use my super magical science nerd to Homer Simpson level English translator:

Actos had better effects on people's cholesterol than Avandia.

This study was done in 2004, and today we are hearing of a possible link between Avandia and an increased risk of heart disease. Go figure. I think that would be called a non-irony cycle.

I Write Here For Free. Someone Else Got Paid To Write What I Quote In This Post. There Is No Justice On This Planet.

From the March, 2007 issue of U.S. Pharmacist:

This is a story made for soap operas. Sadly though, it is true, taken not from the TV guide but from a legal opinion. But if it has not happened yet, this story or one very similar will end up on a big or small screen somewhere. Unfortunately, it is not a rare or unique story. In fact, it seems to be rather common. It is a story about greed. The kind of raw gluttony that sickens you when you read about how loved ones in life become worst enemies at or near death. It also has a hint of a back story with a treacherous lawyer scheming to upset the balance a man tried to set up before he passed on, as he knew would happen soon.

This paragraph was written by a lawyer. Lawyers go to school a long time. And they write lots of things. Sadly though, it would seem that some lawyers never learn to write. I could write better than this. While high on crack. As a matter. Of fact. It's actually very hard. For me. To imitate the writing style of this illiterate boob. In order to mock it.


To be honest, I don't really know what this says about the relationship between myself and U.S. Pharmacist. Are they mocking me? Has U.S. Pharmacist given up on the profession, knowing full well that we long ago lost the time to read trade magazines, and now are lucky to find 5 minutes to look through the ads while taking a dump in the store bathroom? Or is this evidence of the continuing downward spiral of our civilization, an article written by an educated professional, for educated professionals, that would have been laughed out of our parents 5th grade English class?

Either way this represents nothing good. I'm scared. I'm confused. I need some scotch.

I Lied. Blog Postings Will Remain Highly Irregular. I Will Soothe Your Disappointment With Some Highlights From Today's Pill Counting Action.

So, it's not my intention to turn my little blog garden into the Drugmonkey soap opera, but if you bear with me a little bit, I'll reward you with some freaky customer stories. I know the only reason you come here is for the freaky customer stories.

Regular readers will be shocked to hear this, but I was a bit of an.....hmmmm.....ass... towards a certain woman of interest. Let me tell you a story about this lady. She used to work in a pharmacy and once threw a bag of nuts at a customer. No shit. Now how can any of you read that and not think she and I would be a match made in heaven? Luckily for me she didn't have to resort to any sort of nut abuse to set me straight. I think things are gonna be OK.

And my old friend, and by old friend I mean "guy I've never met before so he might not even be a guy" Romius is right, she is dating below her level.......

All right, here's what you came for.

The day started with an old fucker waiting for me to unlock the gate. No surprise there. He needed his prescription issued 5 days ago for Benicar NNNNOOOOWWWWWWW!!!! No surprise there. His Insurer required a prior authorization before they would cover the med. Sigh.......no surprise there. Here's how the conversation went.

Me: Sir, I went to file your claim with your insurance company and they want some more information from your doctor before they will cover it.

Customer: I'm in your system.

Me: Yes, well, I'll send a fax over to your doctor to let him know what's going on, I'd check back in a couple days.

Customer: I'm in your computer.

This went on for a good long time, with the customer saying nothing but variations of "I'm in your system/computer." For I swear to God a good 15 minutes. I finally got rid of him by saying I was out of stock on the med. He accepted this like the last quarter of an hour of insurance hell had never happened. Actually....there is no real surprise in this whole story. Never mind.

Then I watched a guy pick out Depends for an hour and 27 minutes. It actually took him longer....the official time only started after I noticed he'd been there awhile. After the stop the peeathon, he brought one bag of very carefully chosen Depends to the counter with him to pick up his prescription. I really was out of stock on his. Oh the irony.

About halfway through the Depends decision making process, a woman came up to the counter to tell me that some of the ink from a shopping bag she had been carrying around had come off and made her hand blue. She asked for a suggestion. I struggled for a professional sounding way to say "wash your hands"

This was followed up by a woman who came running up from the liquor department. She had just broken a bottle of vodka and wanted to know what to do. She smelled really good.

She was not injured in any way, but wanted to know what I would recommend in case she might have got some glass in her hand, despite the fact there was no glass in her hand. God she smelled good. I think it was Grey Goose.

Ten minutes before closing I get the customary "WHAT TIME DO YOU CLOSE? THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!!!" call.....the customer wanted to know if we sold nails.

Emergency nails. I didn't ask details, I just transferred him to the front and pranced out the door into the sweet, sweet arms of scotch.....happy that I made it through the day without throwing any nuts.

So The Good News For You Is, Regular Blog Posts Will Probably Resume Soon.

So, um, liberal guys may get the hot chicks, but evidently liberal guys can also lose the hot chicks. Not because they're liberal though, I should be clear about that.

I'm going to go drink until I can't feel my heart anymore or I puke. I'm sure within a few days the drugmonkey you all know and love will be back.

Ow.

Avandia, Part 2. GlaxoSmithKline Shows It's Commitment To Patient Safety Above All Else.

From A "Dear Health Care Professional" letter regarding Avandia sent out by GlaxoSmithKline on May 30th:

Patient safety in the use of our medicines is a top priority for GSK. We have consistently shared our data on AVANDIA with the FDA and other regulatory agencies and continue to work closely with these agencies to update the AVANDIA label as appropriate so that health care professionals can make treatment decisions in the best interests of their patients.

Hmmm.....k. Now we go to the June 2nd New York Times:

When a Congressional committee holds a hearing next Wednesday, the subject will be the safety of the diabetes drug Avandia and whether federal drug regulators have paid close enough attention to its potential risks.

But for one witness who is scheduled to appear, Dr. John B. Buse, a nationally noted diabetes specialist, the hearing will take a different turn, focusing on whether he was the target of an effort by the drug’s maker, GlaxoSmithKline, to silence his criticism of the drug.

In a statement last night, Dr. Buse said his full story would be told at the hearing, including the account of how he was intimidated by Glaxo.

Congressional investigators have been looking into what they have called “very serious” claims that Avandia’s maker “silenced one or more medical professionals who attempted to speak out about the potential for cardiovascular problems with Avandia,” according to a letter to Glaxo last week from the Senate Finance Committee.

You have to give GSK some credit. They didn't lie in that health care professional letter. Read it closely. It says patient safety is "a" top priority, not "the" top priority for the company. The top priority of course the appreciation of the stock price of GSK, which evidently has some very good lawyers writing letters for them. I hope those lawyers never see this blog.

GSK isn't all about intimidation and ball-busting though. back to the article:

About five years ago, Dr. Anne L. Peters, said, she helped change the formulary — or list of preferred drugs — for Los Angeles County so that patients in her clinic would get prescriptions for Actos rather than Avandia.

“The Avandia people, it was just so surprising, they asked me what I wanted to keep Avandia on the formulary,” Dr. Peters said, recounting events that occurred sometime in the 2000-to-2002 period. “They asked me, “What can we give you that will have you keep it on the formulary?’ ”

Dr. Peters said that she asked the company to establish a database at the clinic that would track the outcomes of patients on both drugs.

When she asked for the database, which would have cost several thousand dollars, she said, a company representative replied: “That’s all you want? Other doctors ask to go to the Caribbean.”

GSK never did fund the database, knowing full well that sending doctors to the Caribbean advances their commitment to health care professionals being able to make treatment decisions in the best interests of their patients far better than tracking outcomes of actual patients.

Special note to GSK; I can be had for far less than a trip to the Caribbean.