WASHINGTON DC- (That's right! Washington! aren't you impressed!!??)- A rather limp handshake was given from one middle aged man to another while both smiled for a photographer and imagined themselves to be very important, according to every issue ever printed of Pharmacy Today, an official publication of The American Pharmacist's Association.
The two men wore glasses, conservative haircuts, and suits of the type to be found in a regional Midwestern department store chain, the magazine has continuously reported since at least 1973. A plaque was also exchanged, usually commemorating one of the men's vision of the profession's future.
A vision of the future can also be found at the CVS pharmacy two blocks from APhA headquarters in Washington, DC, where wait times to pick up a prescription have been reported to exceed two hours.
That's right, Washington, DC, right on the National Mall with breathtaking views from the Potomac View Terrace overlooking the city's national landmarks. This will be mentioned in every issue of Pharmacy Today for the next decade.
Asked if the limp handshake was a metaphor for the organization's weak grasp of the issues actual pharmacists might care about, one of the pale men said "Not at all, if you add up the total number of our members who are pharmacists, pharmacy students, pharmacy technicians, and 'others' it comes out to less than a third of the number of people who are practicing pharmacists, which really shows where we stand. I mean, think about it, that probably means less than one on four actual pharmacists is a member of our organization! We totally must understand a thing or two!"
"Just nothing that a majority of people in the profession actually care about." He concluded.
At times, according to Pharmacy Today, conferences have also been held, discussions have taken place at round tables, and a small trophy has been given instead of a plaque. Plain looking women also seem to be taking part more frequently. While conventions take place around the country, APhA headquarters is in Washington, DC, where people with actual influence also live.
APhA would also like you to know they recently moved into a new building, located in Washington, DC. Four hundred plaques were given to various executives involved in overseeing plans for the new building, which again, is located in the nation's capital.
Insiders report that a banquet will soon be held to celebrate APhA being nowhere to be found in Mother Jones magazine's list of the top 75 contributors to Congressional campaigns, which includes The American Medical Association (#6), The American Dental Association (#26), and The American Hospital Association (#27).
Even The American Academy of Ophthalmology managed to come in at number 61 for Christ's sake.
"Everyone knows you get the best results for your membership by not making waves or advocating too forcefully for their interests, it also helps to have an idea of what those interests might be, which is why we've been in the process of building a consensus to move forward for the last 38 years." said a bland man or woman. They then proceeded to the award banquet's buffet table, while a pharmacist in Florida continued to starve himself in an effort to be heard.