"While there are not enough data as of yet to draw definite conclusions, we are quite excited about our results to date, and are pleased to report what may be a significant breakthrough in the prevention of one of the nations most vexing mental health problems." said Dr. Harold Falvor, who has been in charge of the study since shortly before the American invasion of Iraq in March of 2003. Falvor noted that the military's zero-tolerance policy towards illegal substance use was key to the study's structure, as participants are instructed to inhale a "clinically significant" amount of marijuana smoke shortly before or after any contact with a military recruiter, ensuring they are never inducted into the armed forces. With as many as 1 in 5 combat veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan showing signs and symptoms of PTSD or major depression, Falvor estimated that the prophylactic use of marijuana could have prevented at least 300,000 cases of the two disorders over the last seven years.
"Marijuana use was significantly more effective than placebo, and better tolerated than the other leading therapy, being gay, which was associated with stress and anxiety disorders from different sources." Falvor said.
He also noted that the minimum effective dose varied widely during the study period. "During 2004 and 5 there were times what a participant had to actually show up at an induction center with a lit marijuana cigarette in their hand before they saw any effect" he said, "but now we're seeing results with much lower doses, possibly because the potency of the product has increased"
Side effects were mild and transient, and included increased appetite, temporary decreased cognition, weight gain, and surfer dude syndrome. These paled next to the effects of PTSD said Falvor, which include flashbacks, nightmares, difficulty falling or staying asleep, anger, hypervigilance, and just general bat-shit crazy stuff like this:
"If only that young man had smoked a joint or two before signing his enlistment contract, he could be a productive member of society today" an emotional Falvor concluded.
Critics have attacked the study, saying willingness to join the armed forces is itself indicative of a serious mental disorder, and have suggested more studies on lab rats.
A former Army soldier with behavioral problems took several hospital workers hostage this morning while demanding treatment from a Georgia based military hospital.
"If only that young man had smoked a joint or two before signing his enlistment contract, he could be a productive member of society today" an emotional Falvor concluded.
Critics have attacked the study, saying willingness to join the armed forces is itself indicative of a serious mental disorder, and have suggested more studies on lab rats.
1 comment:
I went to a garden show in San Francisco. The University of Santa Cruz had a beautiful display of grasses that can be grown. I asked "Where is the marijuana" They laughed saying "Is that all that we are famous for"
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