A Guest Post From The First Prescription Impotence Medication.

I never meant for it to go so far. I am so sorry.

When they came to me and asked me to play the role of a chemical that could stimulate a man's penis, I'll admit, I thought it was a big joke. I was young and stupid and just didn't realize there was a demand for that sort of thing. I knew I didn't work, but I assumed everyone else would know that too. And then there was the FDA. Weren't they supposed to keep ineffective drugs like me off the market? Surely they would step in and keep things from getting out of hand. This all must be some sort of prank I said to myself. I'll just have some fun while it lasts.

I'm not sure when exactly I saw the first wrinkly old man face looking to me for hope. I'm sure I didn't notice it. The money started rolling in quick and it all seems like a blur now. The parties at oceanside mansions, the powdered blow in the bathroom, the oral blow in the bedroom. The butler and the maids. The separate Rolls-Royce for each day of the week. I don't remember a lot about the 70's, but at some point the wrinkly old man faces became too numerous to ignore.

"Yocon you can save my marriage." They would say. "Yocon, you can make me a man again. Please help me"

I tried to wash away their pleas with vodka. With gin, rum, scotch....anything.....anything to make it go away. Two stints in The Betty Ford center didn't help, because the problem was I was living a lie. I wanted out. All the money in the world couldn't buy back my soul, but there were contracts. Obligations to which I had committed myself. The day they started running that ad in pharmacy journals with the little male symbol, the circle with the arrow... the way they made the arrow gradually start to point upwards. That day I wanted to die.

The wrinkly old man faces never stopped. No matter how many times I failed them, they always came back with more dollars in their hand and more hope in their hearts. They were looking to me to restore their masculinity, but if i had been any kind of a man myself I would have put a stop to it.

It was a relief the day Viagra came to market. When the vultures and hangers on and groupies finally abandoned me. Things are better now. I live in rural Pennsylvania eking out a living as a seldom used pupil dilator. Every once in awhile I still run into someone who believes the myth, but now I can tell them. I won't make your dick hard. Neither will I burn fat if you apply me to your skin as a patch. I won't. I never did.

I'll never be able to undo the damage I did to the wrinkly old men. The only thing I can do is ask their forgiveness, try to be the best pupil dilator I can be, and hope that you can learn from my mistakes.

Please, if someone claims you can cause an erection, demand scientific proof before you sign any contracts.

Sincerely,

Yocon™