C2- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry and I will never be able to make it up to you. We were too young to get married, although you never seemed to come to that realization the way I did, which evidently shows where the problem was. You're a good person and I sincerely hope you're happy. The best way I can contribute to that though, is by staying out of your life forever. I'm so sorry.
S- I don't wanna be mean, but honestly, if it weren't for what happened for a few nights there, I probably wouldn't remember you at all. I don't want to call anyone a mistake, but what happened was a sign of my failure.
M- You were a mistake. A big, fucking mistake. You were gorgeous. And selfish. And irresistible. And incredibly cruel. And beautiful. Physically beautiful. You made me feel special and made me feel like crap at the same time. That takes talent. You taught me the most unnatural way to cry. Staring at a wall while tears just fell out of my eyes without a single sob for hours at a time. I always thought of that as C2's revenge. You didn't destroy me, but I really don't think you made me any stronger either. I was kinda happy the last time I saw you though, and noticed how you hadn't lost any of your baby fat. You were gorgeous.
Woman whose name I can't remember #1- You were the opening number in my phase. Under different circumstances, yeah, I would have called you back. It takes awhile to recover from a headfuck like the one M put on me though, you know?
It is kinda cool to say I did it with someone who worked for Victoria's Secret though.
Woman whose name I can't remember #2- Yeah, I was in my phase, but honestly, under normal circumstances, no, I probably wouldn't have called you back. Jesus I never knew a woman could snore so loud.
Woman whose name I can't remember #3- I'm kinda sorry. Maybe. It was probably wrong, after we saw that Sikh man wearing his turban, and you said. "God those Arabs who go around with that shit on their heads after what happened on 9/11 piss me off," to make the decision to woo your heart so I could purposely crush it. I only say that because I remember how much it hurt staring at that blank wall with silent tears rolling out of my eyes. But the fact remains not only were you a bigot, you were too stupid to even direct your bigotry towards the correct ethnic group. I suppose I'm sorry. A little.
D- When we met I couldn't figure out if you were hitting on me or just trying to sell me a house. I guess since you vanished after the final papers were signed I have my answer. Jesus it was hot though. Your hair alone almost makes it worth considering buying another place.
Woman whose name I can't remember #4- An encounter at an airport hotel with a PETA activist and model. The luckiest goddamn night of my life. Christ I can't believe I lost your number. Like you would have called me back anyway.
Woman whose name I can't remember #5- How many guys can say they've scored with TWO models! TWO! Jesus I had no idea you models smoked like chimneys though. Being with you was a constant search for where you were in all that smelly tobacco haze. That's what I remember most.
M2- I was still in my phase, and you were not. I'd feel worse about it if you wouldn't have turned out to have been nuts.
Woman whose name I can't remember #6- This one's embarrassing, as I really should remember your name. I mean, we saw each other a lot. I did work around your house. I think this one's a sign of me getting old as opposed to the impression you left on me. I liked you, really. And you did give me the best reason ever for being late to work.
K- The end of the phase. An attempt at a real relationship that never should have been made. Three years and at the end all there was to show for it were two people who tore each other up emotionally like two cats put in a sack. We would have made great friends, but we sure as hell never will be now. Sigh. I hope you're well.
A- The undisputed, unchallenged, queen of hair. My dear you were a hair freak's dream come true. I wish circumstances had been different, and I hope things are better for you now. If they're not, for the love of God give me a call.
H- I liked you, and ummmm.....yeah....it was way hot. I don't think I was ready for you yet though. You gotta admit we live on two different planets. I've got your book though. Autographed and everything...:)
To be continued.....I guess.
Happy fucking Valentine's Day.
10 comments:
Aw, it's just a Hallmark holiday. Don't let the man get you down.
As I read this, I could hear hearts breaking all around the world -- the hearts of lovestruck Drugmonkey fans who aren't models, who have average or - God forbid! - frizzy hair, who never wrote any books, coming to the harsh realization that they don't have a chance.
Happy Singleness Awareness Day :)
One of the saddest things I've ever read.
This may be good for the soul, but as a soulless female pharmacist, probably better expounded on a lined piece of notebook paper, then ripped or cut with embroidery scissors into tinier and tinier pieces and sprinkled with magnesium dust on a fireproof shield and toss in a lighted match, and then no more waiting for some worldly woman to take you out of your misery.
you were a busy monkey, huh?? no way you'll stay single! thankfully, this awful day is finally over...no more rubbing love in the face of all those (us) less fortunate. Well, at least it'll go back to a more bearable rate of rubbing it in our faces.
The bit about your ex-wife, kinda made me swoon. That, my dear monkey, is why I know there's no way you'll stay single.
Solidarity, Drug Monkey... Valentine's Day sucks.
...still in my phase, but would be willing to leave it for you :)
I have never celebrated V-day, even when I'm not single. It's only pushed for consumerism anyway, which, BTW, is why I spend mine workin' me arse off. I feel guilty, making money off of foolish love struck individuals who try to salvage poor relationships with cheesecake & chocolate, until, of course, the bills come & I have the $$$ to pay them.
*shrugs*
...next up: Guinness Brownies, scones & green stuff. Wish I knew who this St. Patrick was... I'd thank him for all the sales I make that week!
;-)
My abuser/mother's birthday is Valentine's Day. Her anniversary is 2 days later. Yesterday, the guy I live with but haven't felt like fucking in weeks gave me a box of my favorite chocolates and a stuffed animal. Then we spent 3.5 hours trying to find the bitch to give her the birthday presents that are expected when it's your mother, abusive cunt or not, and failing that, came home to watch TV.
Yep, hate that holiday too. *passes bottle*
V-day doesn't have to be corporate-friendly, a fun meal at home can be way better than -
DM - there were lotsa women in my life too. The one I have regrets for is Ms. KJ from 1972, if you had just told me you hated me back at 15 I wouldn't have pissed away the last 36 trying to find you but you've missed me also...
p.s. I found you a few years back but cannot be there as we care what your(minor) children think and that I cannot support your family...
Still, happy V-day Ms. KJ, & l4e although I cannot be there...
you're doing LOTS better with remembering their names than I ever do with MINE. Sigh. Can't say it's a 'misspent' youth at all! It was FUN. And I'm not sorry, no matter how many of them were 'mistakes.'
Gives me good memories in my apparent dotage. Pass the namenda, some of them I actually WANT to remember.
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